


Enigma

by Alias_InsertName



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Blood and Violence, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Codependency, Cussing, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, I want both of them so smitten with each other they don't know what's happening to them, I want my boys all over each other from the beginning to the end, Jealousy, Levi is Whipped (Shingeki no Kyojin), Long-Haired Eren Yeager, M/M, Mental Instability, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Older Eren Yeager, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Eren Yeager, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Sexual Content, Shamelessly switching POVs, Still thinking about fully going there..., There'll be a 6 years difference and Eren is an adult from the beginning of their relationship, Those half ponytails and low sitting buns, Titan Eren Yeager, Titans, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Underground, toxic behaviour
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:55:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 71,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alias_InsertName/pseuds/Alias_InsertName
Summary: Where their story begins underground and not separated by bars.OrLevi and Eren met and fell in love years before the first attack on Wall Maria.The same story, another beginning.
Relationships: Levi/Eren Yeager
Comments: 206
Kudos: 576





	1. Prolog

**Author's Note:**

> I've been thinking about this for a while because I need more canon era fics and definitely more of Levi and Eren being established and kicking ass from the very beginning. It will be dark, and full of love and I hope you will enjoy!

1.

It was of little importance whether it was day or night on the surface above down in the Underground.

During the day, only a few rays of light fell through the holes in the high rock ceiling.

Enough for the population beneath the earth to realize what they missed out on.

Never enough to illuminate the whole of the city.

Constantly burning gas lamps lined the streets and the prices for the houses on which the few rays of sunlight fell had long since skyrocketed.

Never enough.

A statement that seemed to apply to far too many things down in this shit hole.

Levi slowly flipped his knife through his fingers, back and forth, at a steady pace. The only sound that could be heard in the silence was the ticking of a small clock on the wall, showing him that it was close to midnight and some drunk voices in the distance. From the scraps of conversation he could pick up, they were on the verge of a fight.

Another flip.

The light from a lone gas lamp outside the window briefly reflected in the freshly oiled blade of his knife.

He had taken the chair he had found next to the door and had pulled it to the foot of the huge double bed after entering the room and had been sitting there since then, his legs and torso in the faint light, but not his face.

The man in bed continued to sleep peacefully. He snored briefly, smacked his lips lightly, and turned to the other side, still oblivious to the gaze that had been fixated on him for quite some time now.

Disgusting.

Another flip.

Thoughts that started to wander.

He would buy some meat first thing tomorrow morning. The good one for the high price he knew was not pulled out of a garbage can and washed for sale. Vegetables if he would be able to find some. The vitamins would do them well.

Another flip.

The man in bed started to stir. The clearing of a throat, a sniffle, fingers scratching over short cut hair.

Levi thought of all the dandruff that was trickling onto his stained pillow at that moment.

Truly disgusting.

Another flip.

The man sat up slowly, his hand groping over the small table next to his bed where a small packet of matches stood next to an oil lamp. He took one match out, lit it in one go, and leaned over the lamp.

Orange light started to dance on the wall. He threw the used match on the table, turned, and froze.

" Scream and I'll gut you right in those pretty sheets you're sleeping in."

Silent words, no force in them.

He didn't need to, never had to. The tone of his voice was enough to ignite panic in the man's eyes, just as easily as he had done with the lamp.

“ I see that you recognized me.”

Another flip that didn't cut the silence that had fallen over them.

Levi wasn't in a hurry.

He would also buy a flask of wine. The dark red one that Eren liked so much. He would just have to be careful not to let him drink too much again. Carrying him to bed the last time had been difficult enough but letting him sleep on the floor was no option as well. Levi needed his heating after all.

Another flip.

A choked sound filtered through to him, something between a sob and a moan lost in a quivering throat. The man had yet to move his bulky body from where he pressed himself against the head of his bed, wide eyes on Levi, and nothing else.

Levi wrinkled his nose.

Fear smelled even without shitting your pants.

Pathetic.

Another flip and finally he stopped.

" Some of your men -", he started slowly and leaned forward until he could support his elbows on his knees. " - showed up around my area and fucked up some business I had going on. Cost me a whole shitload of money."

The man's forehead began to shine in the glow of the lamp. Soon the first sweat stains would appear in his nightgown.

" So tell me. What am I supposed to do with people -”, he loosely pointed the tip of his knife at him. “ - who decided to fuck with me?"

He slowly got back on his feet, took his time with patting off non-existing dust before approaching the bed. His victim's breathing had become heavy, almost gasping, as he pressed even further against the headboard, eyes jumping from the knife in Levi's hand to his face, then to the door for the matter of a second.

“ Your men are currently not available.”

" I… I'm… please forgiv-”

Levi went back to letting his knife move through his fingers, slowly and steady, the movement coming as natural to him as breathing.

“ I expected you to have little to no backbone at all but I'm a little disappointed in how easy it is to get you crawling.“

Levi took a seat on the blanket, the stinking radiating fear that came off the man almost touchable.

" I know that you've been talking about me, _William.”_ , he took his time to speak his name, pronouncing it slowly and lowering his voice a bit more. “ Started bragging to people that you're going to take me down. Like a fucking bitch – wasn't that how you called it a few times?”

If possible, his eyes grew even wider a that.

Levi's eyes focused on them, his own look unwavering, cold. He knew what it did to people.

“ Words travel fast down here but you wouldn't know, would you? You weren't born here after all. You came down here a few years ago and I know that's because you fucked one too many unwilling boys up in the capital and you try to escape your punishment, which is disgusting enough on its own, but I would have let it go because I've seen worse here. I really was going to. But-", he leaned the faintest bit closer. " - You didn't leave it at mere words. You became cocky and you forgot one thing: You are not the one playing me. I let you think that you did so but now we've reached the limit of how much I am willing to take.”

The pungent smell of fresh urine on the sheets. Levi had him where he wanted him to be.

He lifted two lazy fingers in the air while at the same time he got up from the bed.

“ We have two options. You die here and now under my knife, a thing I've imagined over and over again the last few days."

He put one finger down.

“ Or you can give back what you took and dance to my tune from now on.”

The other finger followed a mere moment before William started to nods his head heavily.

“ Everything -”, he sputtered, spit coming out through his lips. “- I'll give everything back and I'll work for you- loyal-”

He reached out for him.

Levi slammed the knife into the wood of the headboard, close enough to his head that he had to feel the coldness of the blade on his skin.

“ There's no such thing as loyalty down here.”

This close, the smell of oily hair, unwashed skin, and bad breath was almost overpowering but Levi didn't even twitch an eye.

“ You won't betray me out of loyalty. You won't because you fear me. Because I give you one last warning.”, he said, his voice close to a whisper. “ Betray me and I will find you. Buy more men and let them watch over you while you sleep. It won't be enough. Try to suck some other thugs cock so they'll save you. They won't. Because they fear me just as much as you do, if not more.”

He pulled the knife out of the wood and pressed it against the sweat-covered neck.

" Betray me and I will get to you, no matter how high the walls you build. I will find you and I will take my time with you. Just like I was taught to. There will be nothing that will save you from me. The stories you tell about me might be lies, but the stories you heard, they are far from it.”

He pressed the blade the tiniest bit deeper into his neck.

" Are we clear?”

A hasty nod, the smell of pee and shit growing stronger.

Levi clicked his tongue in disgust, for a second tempted to simply ride his knife into the man's chest. Instead, however, he folded his knife and put it back in his pants pocket.

“ You will get contacted. I want the money you stole from me ready by then.”

With that, he made his way over to the door and opened it.

Bread. He would definitely need to buy some fresh bread.

* * *

2.

He made his way down to the first floor.

It was a relatively large house. He had recognized some more expensive furniture on his way to the bedroom. A clear sign that William had good contacts to the surface. Those very connections would benefit them all, Levi surmised.

The men he had left unconscious earlier were still lying motionless on the ground. Eren looked up from where he sat on a chair in between them, the epitome of innocence when he had been the one knocking them out next to Levi a while ago.

A gaze out of teal - green eyes on him, the ghost of a smile, shoulders that relaxed when he saw Levi appearing in the staircase.

" You took your sweet time in there. I was thinking about joining you.”

" I needed to teach him a lesson first before getting down to business. Pissed himself.”

“ Did he now...”, Eren's gaze wandered up the stairs for a moment, the rage that had lit his eyes up hours ago coming back for a short second, only to be followed by a certain amount of satisfaction. “ What'd he say?”

“ There were two options and he didn't take the one where I would disembowel him if that answers your question.”

Erens scowl deepened. “ If he ever tries to fuck with you again, it'll be me he has to face.”

“ He won't. I made sure of that.”

Even in his anger, Eren was more beautiful than anything Levi had ever seen.

He had lied earlier.

There was loyalty in the underground, fierce and bottomless.

His own.

There was even love, all-consuming and genuine, dangerous in all the best ways, winding and interlacing roads that all led back to the man in front of him.

He made his way over to Eren, a sudden wave of longing crashing over him as he positioned himself in between the other's legs, for once not the one that had to look up. He stroked a hand through brown strands of hair, tied into a loose half ponytail

Eren circled his arms around Levi's waist and pulled him closer, his chin almost touching his chest as he looked up to him.

" What is it?" He asked softly, questioningly, no trace of fury left in his voice.

Levi shook his head, no confidence in saying out loud what he could convey with a simple kiss.

He leaned in and pressed his lips to Erens. Chaste. Lingering, nothing like the way their mouths meet in the privacy of their bedroom, just perfect for what he wanted to convey.

Levis gaze roamed over the other's features after they separated, as gentle as his fingers that continued to stroke through his dark hair.

Beautiful.

Eren was an enigma among the inhabitants of the underground. Born down here, far from the sun, and still, his skin looked as if freshly kissed by rays of light.

He had met Levi three years, 17 and lanky, underweight, full of anger at the world and a stab wound beneath his rips. Having grown up in the southern part of the town under the watchful eyes of his mother who did her best to keep him out of trouble, Levi and him had never met until he had found the younger beaten to a pulp behind the sewers. His mother had succumbed to sickness months before, like too many of them did way too early, leaving Eren to fend for his own.

Levi hadn't planned to take the other with him at that time.

He had made a name for himself and that name was only easily maintained when he had nothing holding him back. Such as a pretty boy with a big mouth that sputtered profanities. Losing everything once had been enough.

One look into those eyes though, full of anger and determination, watching him fighting tooth and nail to suppress the moans of pain a stab wound would pull out of the hardest man, and Levi hadn't been able to leave him behind.

He took him to his quarters, fed him and stitched him up, talked and listened, and without realizing it carved out space in his chest that he later realized had always been meant for Eren and only him.

It had taken a while for him to come clean to the fact to himself that he dreaded the day the younger would be all healed and ready to leave him.

But that day had come and gone and Eren had made no move to leave him.

On the contrary, his new goal in life seemed to be to become Levi's shadow, to learn everything the other could teach him, to become someone Levi could trust. He was talented, all fast fingers, ruthless and at the same time too kind, fiercely loyal.

Soon, everything.

First came his everyday presence, his laughter, the jokes.

Then the smiles, cheeky, warm, hidden away behind a slight blush, the way his eyes lit up as soon as his gaze fell on Levi. So open and honest in its affection that there could be no doubt about what it truly meant and it shook Levi to the core because it couldn't be.

Levi had tried to see it as gratitude because he had saved him. Confusion about what was going on in his heart because Eren desperately wanted to plug the hole his mother had left. It could not be something different, something deeper, because Eren was light and Levi far from ever being able to shine the same way.

But a bed shared together for one night turned into two, then more, hands reached out for him, fingers stroked through his hair. Foolhardiness began to steal kisses from him when Levi had been the one to steal things from others all of his life. Oaths in the darkness of the night intended only for him and slowly he started to believe and let himself fall into it because Eren was a force of nature and Levi defenseless.

Eren stayed.

He stayed during nights when not even the oil lamps were able to light the rooms, those nights when shadows on the walls told stories that should never have been told.

He stayed.

In all of his beauty and determination, in all of his fury and anger, Levi wanted to carry for him.

Eren was too much of everything for a life down here. An explosion of stars that shone brighter than the darkness all of them carried around, made for more than where he ended up, and if it meant Levi had to dirty his already bloody fingers further, to keep even the slightest bit of shadows away from him, then he would do it, without any complaint.

Eren made him better in every way, made him want to protect, to keep him from going down the same way that he had gone far too long ago.

Levi loved him.

Fiercely and unconditionally against the night surrounding them, irrevocably.

He would burn down the world if that was what Eren needed.

Nothing less.

Warm hands on the small of his back pulled him back.

" I love you, too." Eren said quietly into the silence that had been covering them, his features and open book for Levi to read, the story full of warmth like the hands resting on him.

His heartbeat fastened and he felt alive.

Levi leaned down another time, never truly getting enough of kissing the other before he finally took the tiniest step back to pull Eren on his feet.

" Let's get our asses out of here."

“ And here I thought I'd get some action.” Eren said cheekily as he got back on his feet.

Levi had started to walk to the entrance door but stopped after two steps when Eren didn't follow him. He turned to face him, one eyebrow raised questioningly. Eren pointed with one hand to the bodies on the ground, his ' We'll just leave them like that' obvious without him saying it.

“ What? Want me to patch those fuckers up? Kindly nurse them back to health?”

Eren finally moved from his spot. “ You'd make it worse.”

“ Do I have to remind you about the way I saved your sorry ass?”

Eren snorted loudly and followed Levi out into the dark, deserted street.

Out of the corner of his eye, Levi could see a few figures watching them, but no one made a move to approach them.

" So...", Eren slowly started when they had passed a few silent meters. “ You made him piss himself?”

“ Stunk up the whole room. I didn't even try hard.”, his scowl deepened as he remembered the smell. “ Disgusting fucker. I need to burn these clothes.”

“ What will you do with him now that he kind of works for us?”

“ Not sure yet.”, Levi shrugged. “ I'll ask Furlan for some input.”

Eren hummed in agreement, the more meters they brought between the house and them, the more his strained posture relaxed.

He had been beside himself when he had heard about Isabell being harassed and it had taken many soothing words from her and a well-aimed blow from Levi to calm him down.

They slowly made their way down the streets, both in no hurry to get home.

" I'll buy some meat tomorrow." Levi stated casually when they turned the corner.

He didn't have to look over at Eren to notice that he seemed almost ecstatic.

Towering over him, all broad shoulders and lean muscles but he still acted like a child more often than not.

" The good one?"

Levi hummed in affirmation. " I'll get some wine as well."

" If this is some new kind of foreplay, I'm definitely into it."

“ Why do I even bother with you asswipe anymore?”

He sighed and Erens's hand found his to loosely intertwine their fingers, accompanied by a quiet chuckle.

In the past, Levi had not allowed this to happen.

It had been enough that people knew Eren was close to him.

The fact that they shared a bed on top of that...

Levi had panicked at the thought of that drawing an even bigger target on Erens back.

But Eren had always been and was a little shit and if he had decided that he wanted to be attached to Levi like a leech outside their four walls, then even Levi couldn't do anything about it.

Things had worked out even though Levi had had many sleepless nights over it.

At the end of the day, Eren was a talented fighter, strong and crafty, equipped with Levi's years of experience, and Levi's reputation reached far enough to keep people at bay most of the time.

So Levi allowed him to take his hand and maybe held on a little tighter himself.

The small house they lived in at the moment appeared in the distance.

They had moved again and again in the past - forced or not - but had been living there for almost half a year now.

Levi liked it there.

It was relatively large and easy to keep clean, close to Furlan's and Isabel's shelter, and surrounded by the territories of other people Levi had no disputes with.

For now at least.

He pushed the key into the lock and opened the door accompanied by a soft squeak.

Dim light welcomed them. They had left the lamps on before leaving a while ago.

" Wash up.” he told Eren over his shoulder.

Eren stopped beside him, undecided. “ Don't you want to go first?”

“ No. You reek.”

Eren looked down at himself with a furrowed brow. “ I took a shower in the morning.”

“ And now you need a second one. Tough luck. Life's hard. My sincerest condolences. Now go before I'll make you.”

He gave Erens backside a smack, snorting at the loud yell the other emitted and the quiet curses he muttered under his breath on his way to their bedroom.

Levi went to the sink and turned on the faucet.

He waited a while all the brown water had run out and the water looked clear before he thoroughly washed his hands.

Running water was a luxury Levi had decided he didn't want to live without. The pipes were old, the water quality more often than not questionable but not having to go to the well a few times a day and bringing the heavy water buckets home was a relief.

Levi had been through too much shit in recent years to care anymore.

If he could steal the money to pay for a house with running water, he would.

Fuck everyone who cared.

It was late by now. Levi's stomach rumbled and he was certain that Eren couldn't feel any better. That boy was eating like his life still dependent on it.

They had some bread and cheese left, maybe even some butter.

He should buy some eggs as well, Levi thought as he cut off a few pieces of bread, Eren's pieces always the tiniest bit thicker than his because he needed the food more than Levi did.

He would throw a fit if he knew so Levi kept it as subtle as possible.

They had finished their last bit of tea the night before.

He took two cups and filled them with some water he had boiled earlier that day instead, while putting tea on his mental grocery list.

The sound of steps behind him, arms around his torso pulling him into a warm chest.

" That was fast." Levi stated, growing the slightest bit slack in the embrace.

Eren hummed, his face buried in Levi's hair.

" You're sure you're clean?"

" Even you would use me as a plate."

“ Is that an invitation?”

“ If you want it to be.”, a kiss to the side of his head. " What's for dinner?"

“ Bread and cheese.”

Lips on his neck. " And a side of Levi?"

" You're unbelievable."

" You're an asshole."

" You're fucking that asshole fairly often."

Hands slipped beneath his shirt, bringing with them a wave of warmth and safety.

" That's true."

Levi loved having sex with Eren, disappearing with him between the sheets for hours on end, his body and touches and kisses everywhere, driving him crazy in ways he hadn't thought possible.

He longed as much for the quiet moments though, Eren pressed against him, the prospect of sex overshadowed by the mere need to be next to the other, close, all soft kisses and contact.

Just like now.

When Levi did push himself away from the counter, it was with great reluctance.

" I'll wash up, too. You start with the food."

He pressed a shirt peck to Eren's awaiting lips, stroked once briefly over his shirt, which was still damp in some spots and then made his way to the bathroom.

It took him a few short minutes to wash up and feel clean, with the water cold and unwelcoming and the soap only a small lump in his hand. He would have to use some of the money to buy a new one as well.

He dried himself off with a towel that had seen better days and made his way over to the adjoining bedroom.

Eren had bought a small wardrobe with strange stains that Levi had first wanted to throw out but then had kept and scrubbed until it met his requirements. It was enough for the few clothes they owned and some other belongings.

Levi took the old shirt that was much too big for him and that served as his sleep attire, slipped into more comfortable pants, and made his way back to the other room.

Eren had - as expected because he never listened to Levi - not yet started with eating.

Levi sat down on the chair opposite him.

" Eat." he motioned to the food Eren had put on the table and made sure to take the thinner piece of bread before putting a slice of cheese on it.

Eren must have been hungry because the first pieces of food disappeared in his mouth in no time. It was a normal sight among those who had suffered hunger before.

Hell, Levi wasn't better and it took him all of his willpower not to wolf down the food like a madman.

He chewed slowly, telling himself over and over again that the food wouldn't simply disappear.

Eren's feet found him under the table.

" Let's invite Isabell and Furlan over for dinner tomorrow."

“ So you can fight with them over your gear skills in a nicer ambience than usual?”

Eren snorted and the piece of bread he had just bitten off almost fell out of his mouth.

Levi's gaze darkened. " Stop chewing like a fucking caveman, will you."

The brat had the audacity to simply smile at him.

" Sorry."

" I'll gut you before I'll go back to gut the other pig."

Others would have run by now but Eren's reactions to his threats had died down to a merely amused chuckle.

“ Ask them, if you want.”, Levi said after swallowing another bite, answering his question. “ I might be be able to find something sweet to eat as well. The raid last month has thrown off enough money.”

“ Getting soft there, old man.”

“ Don't try me, brat.”

“ I would never.”

They ate in comfortable silence and Levi had just filled his cup another time when Eren spoke up again.

" Levi?"

“ Hm?"

" Thank you."

" For what?"

If one day his heart would just stop, it would be because Eren gave him a smile.

One of those that only Levi got to experience.

“ Just... for being here. Being you.” He shrugged, not needing to say more because it were the same words Levi would have used.

Burning down everything for him.

Nothing less.

" Stop being a sap and eat your damn food, brat." Levi said, his tone gentle, before turning back to his own plate.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren's POV and we're slowly getting into the story.

1.

Soft noises from the bathroom woke Eren.

They were almost too quiet to make out, easily disregarded by those who had never heard them before. Eren, however, was snapped out of the leaden tiredness that tried to pull him back to sleep from one second to another.

He sat up in the empty bed in which they had previously lain down together and glanced briefly at the window. It could not have been more than a few hours since they had gone to sleep after dinner.

Dim, slightly flickering light filtered through to him from under the bathroom door.

Something hard falling into the sink.

Eren pushed the blanket off him and stood up, shivering for a moment, the air in the room cold on his bare upper body, the wood cool under his feet.

Water.

He went over to the door.

A short knock on the heavy, dark wood.

" Levi?"

Silence.

Then.

" Go back to bed."

Eren had never been good at listening to Levi and he wouldn't start today. He pushed the handle down and opened the door, peering cautiously into the room lit only by a small lamp.

This time, Levi had taken the brush to clean his hands. The one with the bristles that Eren knew cut into skin so easily.

He continued scrubbing, regardless of Eren's presence.

" Didn't I tell you to go back to bed?" Eyes narrowed to slits glared at Eren.

" You weren't there when I woke up.", Eren said, not moving from his spot, feeling every stroke of the brush. “ I was cold.”

His gaze softening.

More water running over his hands.

" I'll be right back. I just have to get rid of the dirt first."

" Levi.", Eren approached him, voice soothing. " You're clean. There's nothing on your hands."

" No.", a heavy swallow. " I saw it."

More scrubbing " It'll be gone in a second."

What Levi allowed the world to see was only a small fraction of what was bubbling under the surface.

" It was just a dream.", Erens's heart hurt, thumbed heavily against his ribcage when he placed a hand on Levi's wet wrist, careful not to touch the sore spots that had appeared on his pale skin. " You're clean. There's nothing. Nothing at all."

And again it was his words that easily pierced through to him in his state and Eren didn't know who to thank for this gift.

The gift of being able to save Levi, over and over again, to call him back, wherever he went those nights.

Levi paused, a frozen statue over the sink, fingers curled around the brush.

He swallowed hard, his gaze on his hands, his lower lip quivering when he opened his mouth slightly as if to say something, only to stay silent. 

The light painted golden flames on him.

Levi was breathtakingly beautiful in the darkness of the underground and Eren could barely imagine what the light on the surface would to do him.

He would be blinding.

" Come.", Eren took him by the wrist. " You need to sleep."

Levi said nothing and followed him without resistance. Eren turned off the light and led him back to the bedroom.

" We should get some other kind of soap." He said lightly as he pushed Levi down on the thin mattress and turned to the small closet. "I like the honey ones we always use, but a little variety can't hurt."

He took a fresh towel and closed the closet door before kneeling on the floor in front of Levi and taking his left hand in his.

"I saw one in the store the other day. I almost threw it at the salesman's head. For that price, you can get half a horse, maybe even a whole one."

He carefully wiped the water from irritated skin, bleeding in places, ignoring how his heart contracted painfully with each touch.

Levi's pain was Eren's as much as it was his own.

Knowing that he couldn't just take it away, make it disappear forever, that it would come back to haunt and suffocate and Eren could only lead him out of it, do nothing more, over and over again...

It wasn't enough, never enough, when Levi deserved the world. 

Eren had heard his name before they had met, before he had started whispering it himself, in the sheets while pressed to another body.

Had heard his name in the same breath that described cruelty, spoken by hushed voices in back alleys, and had believed them because those stories were what life was supposed to be in the shadows.

But Levi had found and saved him, restored him to health with gentle touches before Eren even knew who it was that sat next to him and held his hand through the pain.

Levi was partly those stories, but he wasn't made only of them, and that was, what they didn't know.

Levi could be cruel, the will to survive had drilled it into him, blow after blow. He was cutting words, deadly gazes, hands that drew blood before you even realized that he was there.

Levi stoked fear, inescapable and cold.

Eren placed his left hand in Levi's lap and took his right one.

Levi was gentle, all tender smiles and sweet kisses.

The night caught in his dark hair, soft beneath Eren's fingers, the gray of the walls surrounding them not overwhelming anymore because the first thing he saw in the morning were eyes the same color.

Levi was strong and just, the calm in the evening when Eren knew it was his presence and not the tea they drank together that warmed him.

Levi held him, when the memories crashed over him, when he yearned for years long gone, breaking inside.

Levi made him laugh, let him feel at home wherever they went, and if that way eventually would lead them down into hell's fire then Eren would follow him, without asking for a reason.

Levi was an enigma between all those people Eren had met.

Marked by a life of hardships, full of scars and cracks, broken down and still getting up, again and again and again with an iron will, staying human when everyone else had already made him out to be nothing but a monster.

They were simply overwhelmed by him, too blinded to see that he wasn't.

That life had happened to him and it had been cruel.

Eren hadn't meant to love again after his mother had closed her eyes for a final time. Not down here where everything was taken from you in the blink of an eye.

But Levi had given him no chance at all, pale skin and dark hair accompanying him into his deepest dreams.

He fell and fell and kept falling, all over again, with one glance, one touch, one simple word and he couldn't find it in himself to regret because he was right where he was supposed to be.

And Eren loved him.

Loved him quietly in the morning, loved him like the air he needed to breathe during the day, loved him painfully at night, yearning for him.

Loved him with a burning passion, a fire once ignited fated to never be extinguished, so hot that he sometimes feared it would hurt Levi, eventually pushing him away.

Levi was darkness and light in one and Eren couldn't live without both.

He put the towel away, took Levi's hands in his, and looked at the still silent man above him.

" You're here. With me. Nothing is wrong with you.", gray eyes finally met his. " You can sleep because I'm next to you. And when you have another dream it doesn't matter because you'll wake up and I'll be there. If you leave, I will bring you back. There's nothing to worry about."

They tried to pull Levi down, but Eren wouldn't let them.

He smiled, lifted a hand, and tenderly pushed a dark strand of hair from Levi's face, slowly stroked along his cheek only to let his hand rest against the back of his neck.

“ You're alright.”, he repeated, his voice no louder than a whisper. “ I'm here and I love you. You'll never understand how much.”

Levi still said nothing, but he didn't have to. The hand that reached for Eren's and held on to it was enough.

Eren stood up, pressed a kiss to Levi's forehead before pushing him to his back with soft force. He then circled the bed, slipped in as well, and pulled the covers over them.

Levi had yet to say anything, but he turned on his side and Eren slid closer to him, chest against back.

" I'm sorry."

The words barely audible.

Loud enough.

Eren pulled him tighter into his chest, one arm under Levi's head, the other wrapped around his waist to hold his battered hands in his.

" It's alright."

A kiss to Levi's head.

" It's what this place does."

Eren closed his eyes, black hair tickling his cheek.

“ It's alright. I'm here.”

Another kiss.

“ I love you.”

Whispered oaths until they fell asleep.

* * *

2.

Eren slowly opened his eyes and blinked sleepily a few times before consciousness fully crept back to him.

He was alone, Levi's pillow beside him cool under his fingers. He must have gone out to buy food without him.

He tended to seek solitude after one of his episodes the morning after, in a kind of twisted shame, and even if Eren had told him a hundred times that it was okay, that there was nothing to be ashamed about, Levi left for a bit and Eren let him do so.

Eren slowly sat up, still feeling sleepy. A short gaze on the clock at the wall showed him that it was shortly after nine.

He heaved himself out of bed and regretted it as soon as his bare feet touched the cold wooden floor. He quickly went over to the bathroom, washed up, and got ready for the day before changing his clothes in the bedroom and then heading outside to the kitchen.

He was thinking about whether to get something to eat or wait until Levi returned when a loud banging at the door startled him.

He sighed deeply, knowing that there was only one person who would show up like this in a house where they could potentially meet a grumpy Levi.

" Isabel.", he groaned before he had even fully opened the door. " I can hear you without kicking in my door.”

She beamed at him and, with her always exuberant manner, unceremoniously fell around his neck. “ I missed you”

Eren laughed, hugged her tightly, and lifted her a little off the ground. “ You saw me two days ago.”

“ It's been forever!”

She let go of him but kept her hands on his shoulders as she took a searching look around the inside of the house.

“ Levi isn't home?”

Eren shook his head. “ He left early to buy some things.”

“ Food?”

He softly flipped her ear. “ Yes.”

“ Food he'd like to share?”

Eren sighed playfully. “ Yes, Isabel. We would love to have you over for dinner later. If That's what you were implying.”

If possible her smile grew even wider.

" Since we clarified that. Care to explain why you're here?”

She wore her gear straps and he thought he saw something shiny metallic next to the front door.

" Here."

She reached into the bag hanging from her shoulder and pulled out an apple that had seen better days, which she tossed over to Eren. He caught it and looked at her questioningly.

" I wanted to practice some new maneuvers and ask if you'd like to come along. Furlan is still out of it since he drank that bottle of wine last night.”

" You know Furlan doesn't like it when you practice without him since you've almost broke your neck.”

She wiggled her brows at him. “ What he doesn't know won't hurt him.”

" And Levi will have my neck if I waste too much gas."

“ Oh come on.”, she slapped his shoulder. “ We need to practice. You of all people should know that. Remember half a year ago when you flew right into the wall?”

Eren looked at her indignantly, mouth open and eyes wide, his pride barely able to take the vicious attack.

" That was once! One time!”

“ One time too much.” she singsonged, turning the last word impossibly longer.

“ When are you going to let me live it down?”

“ How about...”, she tilted her head in mock thinking. “ Never?”

“Okay, that's it. Get your things, we're leaving.”, Eren bit into his apple and stared at her in hardly concealed annoyance. “ Let's see who needs some practice.”

* * *

3.

Eren lay down on the cool rocky floor after taking off his gear and stretched his aching limbs.

His breathing was heavy, and his heart seemed to want to jump out of his chest. Strands of sweaty hair stuck to his forehead.

The sound of hooks burying themselves in the rock above him, the whirring of cables.

Isabel's whoop as she whirled through the air and flew over him another time.

Eren watched her with a smile. She didn't have Levi's grace and lightness in the air, but she used the gear really well.

She looked at ease while spinning, and doing flips.

Happy.

She landed silently next to him and unbuckled her gear before falling onto her butt, her breathing as heavy as Eren's.

“ That was good.”, she stroked a hand through her sweaty bangs. “ You didn't do so bad as well, Jaeger.”

She poked his leg with the tip of her shoe and he simply snorted at her wide grin.

“ Thanks.”

He pushed himself into a sitting position and took the bottle of water from the bag he had packed earlier.

A sip, then he passed it to Isabell. She put the bottle to her lips and greedily drank some of the liquid.

Her shirt slipped slightly, revealing a dark bruise on her collarbone.

" Are you still in pain?" Eren asked worriedly when he noticed it.

She shook her head. “ It wasn't too bad from the beginning.”

He clicked his tongue, the memory washing up and making him want to punch something. “ It could have been.”

“ It didn't though.”, she screwed the bottle close and handed it back to Eren. “ So you can calm your tits. Furlan's been a pain in my ass all week long because of it.”

Eren put the bottle into his bag and leaned on his hands while looking at her. " We went to William last night. Levi and I.”

She raised an eyebrow. “ What did you do?”

“ Levi went in alone when he still slept. You can imagine how it ended.”

She laughed out loud. “ Did he shit himself?”

“ He did piss himself. I'm not sure about the shitting.”, Eren still felt satisfied by only thinking about it. “ He's going to be working for us now. Or at least won't make any more messes.”

“ The money?”

“ We'll get it back.”

“ Good. I still feel bad about them being able to steal it from me.”

Eren shrugged. “ They were way too many for you to handle alone.”

She still looked dejected and Eren unceremoniously ran a hand through her red hair.

" It's okay. These things happen."

Furlan and Isabel had joined them two years earlier.

At first, Levi hadn't really wanted to have anything to do with them on a closer basis than the occasional raid, but Isabel had similar stubborn tendencies as Eren and seemed to have decided to make friends with them from an early point onward and the rest was history.

The always energetic Isabel, who could never shut her trap and scratched at Levi's last nerves, and Furlan, the calmer pole of the two, with whom Levi could share strategies and plans without boring him to death.

They used the 3DM gear exceptionally well, were good fighters, loyal, and brought laughter and stories with them to share over a fire during long evenings.

Eren had grown fond of them over the years.

" It's late. Let's go back."

They had rested for a while longer and Eren deemed it late enough for dinner so they gathered their things and made their way back to the main cave.

Their house was built near the edge of the city, where only rocks and dark caves could be found.

There was, however, a small passage, not easy to be found when one didn't know where to look for it, that led through the wall into another, larger cave, which could be described as beautiful through the softly falling light that fell in through the ceiling.

It was quiet here.

Spacious.

No starved figures dying on the ground, no prostitutes with empty eyes in the dark corners. No fights.

It always filled Eren with the tiniest bit of sadness when they had to leave.

They slowly made their way back, gear in their arms, the conversation between them as light as ever.

It wasn't long before they arrived at their house. Eren went to reach for the door handle and saw that the inconspicuous ribbon he had hung there earlier to show that he was with Isabel was gone.

Levi was back.

When he opened the door and looked inside, he saw Levi standing at the kitchen counter, kitchen knife in one hand and something green in front of him.

He looked up, face in his normal stoic front. His gray-eyed gaze wandered over the gear in their arms and Eren felt Isabel stiffen beside him.

“ The training went well?” he asked, his deep voice like velvet.

“ He asked me to go!”

Eren stared at her with wide eyes as she pointed an accusing finger at him.

“ I told him it's dangerous! And that he shouldn't use so much gas!”

Levi lifted his eyebrow. “ Now did he?”

“ Woah, Isabel. Leaving me to fend on my own after a mere five seconds. I'm impressed.”

She stuck her tongue out at him and pulled off her shoes, before leaving her gear on the ground and making her way over to the bedroom door.

“ I'll take a shower.”

She didn't even wait for an answer before she disappeared.

Eren sighed deeply. That girl... Getting tortured by enemies that pulled her nails one after another wouldn't get her to talk but Levi simply looking at her was a whole other story.

Levi had gone back to cutting whatever it was he had in front of him. To anyone else, his silence might have felt hostile, but Eren saw that his shoulders were relaxed. If he poked a bit more, he might even be able to get a smile out of him.

He stepped closer to the other and pressed a kiss to his temple.

“ You know that she's the one who made me go?”

“ Yes. And she must have used a whole fucking lot of force on you.”

Eren grinned sheepishly. “ A tiny bit.”

“ Was it good?”

“ Yes. We practiced some new moves.”

“ So you won't fly into a wall again?”

That sneaky...

Eren gave an exaggerated groan and hung his head. “ I won't be able to live this one down, will I?”

An elbow nudged him in the side. He raised his gaze slightly and met Levi's, who looked at him with expectation. Eren understood and didn't need to be told twice before he leaned in for a kiss.

“ Sorry for waking you last night.” Levi mumbled when they separated.

“ No need to.”, Eren stole another kiss, horribly addicted to the feeling of Levi's lips on his. “ Are your hands okay?”

He glanced down at them and made out some red spots.

“ They're fine.”

“ Good.”

Another kiss. “ Did you get everything you needed?”

“ Some good meat. A few vegetables. Soap. A few other things.”, he kept cutting. “ I thought about making lunch instead of dinner. You two must be hungry after using the gear.“

Eren beamed at Levi and was rewarded with a small smile, alone in a world where it was just the two of them for a short, sweet moment.

Then another nudge in his side.

“ Now get away from me.”

The moment crashing around them.

“ Why?” Eren whined.

“ You stink. Wash, then you can touch me.”

“ You're cruel.” Eren grumbled but nevertheless followed his instructions.

Isabel finished in the bathroom shortly after he came into the bedroom and was wearing some of Levi's clothes when she stepped out the door. The two did not give each other much in terms of size. He could hear Levi's cutting remarks at her outift through the door and laughed to himself as he disappeared into the bathroom himself.

When he came out a short time later, clean and fresh, he found Levi alone.

“ Where's Is?”

“ She went to get Furlan.”

“ Okay.”, Eren joined him in front of the counter. “ Need any help?”

“ You can cut the meat.” Levi said without looking up from his work.

Eren smiled at the other's focused gaze. Levi was precise and thorough, all the way down to his cooking.

They worked side by side in silence, occasionally bumping into each other, Eren stealing one or two kisses in between Levi didn't seem to mind giving him. A broth was bubbling in the pot on the small stove and Eren's mouth watered at the thought of the meat they would add and cook inside of it.

Isabelle's voice could be heard from afar, so neither of them was surprised when the door was yanked open.

“ He was still in bed. Can you believe that.” she explained, dragging a tired Furlan behind her. The blond man still did not seem fully awake and looked around with heavy eyelids, a very different image from the usual alertness he displayed.

“ Hey.”, he said into the room before he broke away from Isabel and fell onto the old, sagging couch that stood near the door.

Eren snorted. “ The wine was good?”

Furlan responded with a crooked smile. “ Yes and therefore I can't find it in myself to regret now that I'm having a hangover.”

“ You'd think he could have given me something. But no -" Isabell fell down on the couch next to him and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “ - he drank the whole thing by himself.”

“ I didn't want to deal with your whining about the hangover you would definitely have right now.”

“ I do not whine.”

“ Of course.”

Levi sighed deeply into the broth he was stirring, but the smile that threatened to break out wasn't difficult to spot. Eren briefly stroked his back with one hand, earning a questioning look, which he answered with a smile.

All was well.

At least for now.

* * *

4.

“ Corry's gang brought down new gear parts. The best quality."

“ When?”

“ A few days ago.”

Eren watched from his place against the wall as Levi spoke with William.

They had retreated to an old, abandoned warehouse for their meeting, hidden away from curious eyes between dust and broken windows.

Old wooden boxes served as chairs.

William looked nervous, tense, his collar slightly drenched with sweat while Levi seemed as if he was born to do just that. Asking questions and getting answers. Eren loved his confidence, the arrogance he could get away with, the pride with which he held himself.

The way the strands of black hair fell into his face when he tilted his head slightly.

Only with difficulty did he manage to take his eyes off his lover and listen to the conversation again.  
  


William had served them well in the weeks after their little visit. He knew who bought what, where and when, what things were smuggled in and out, and where it was worth going to at night to get what they needed.

Eren still felt the disgust and anger when he saw the man, even more when he came into such direct contact with Levi, but he had to admit that he knew his way around.

"Have they been sold yet?" Levi asked, his voice unemotional, almost sounding bored.

"Half."

“ How much?”

Willian named the number and Eren's eyebrows shot up at the horrendous sum. No way one of them would pay that price. They would have to plan a new raid to get the parts they needed.

“ Something else?” Levi continued.

William nervously kneaded his hands in his lap.

Laughable that he had ever thought he could truly take on Levi.

“ Some people from above.”, he licked over his lips. “ They're asking around. About you.”

Levi's shoulders tensed for a millisecond. “Military police?”

“ No.”

The tension lost.

“ What do they want?”

“ It's not clear. They seem interested in your skills.”, he nodded to Eren. “ And those of your group.”

Levi stayed quiet for a moment and Eren was about to say something when Levi spoke up again.

" Good. That's all for today."

William looked indecisively from him to Eren and back again before rising on shaky legs and disappearing from the room with a brief nod of his head. Eren followed him with his eyes until his massive form had completely disappeared before he pushed himself away from the wall and went to Levi.

“ What do you think about it?”

“ Can't say I like it.”, Levi's features darkened the slightest. “ At least it's not the military police. They've been too quiet for a while.”

That was true. Usually, they kept showing up on the streets and they had had to escape from them more than once in the past, but lately, he had not seen any of the soldiers. Maybe they had given up on keeping up the rules.

"It's only a matter of time before someone tells them where to find us.”

Levi said nothing, but the tap of his fingers on his upper arm spoke volumes. He needed order, and the feeling of losing control in even the smallest way often made him nervous.

Eren squatted down next to him and supported himself with one hand on Levi's thigh.

"Let's be a little careful in the near future and keep eyes and ears open." he squeezed his leg and Levi nodded slightly.

“ Don't worry. It'll be alright.” Eren said with a smile, and he truly wanted to believe it.

However, the anxious feeling William's words had started in him did not disappear but accompanied him into the next day, and into the next, then into the following week.

The thing was, that Eren knew how life worked underground. He had been born down here and being by Levi's side had taught him enough.

Always have an open eye was the top priority.

Eren had learned this early on, but it had taken Levi to drill it into him until he could no longer walk down a street without having scouted out every move, every attack surface, and every escape route.

Having an upper hand gave you advantages, made you faster, could be the deciding factor in whether you won a fight or not.

The thing was, despite knowing how it worked in theory, reality often handled things a different way because even though they lived in a shithole, they had good days as well.

Days when he walked down the street with Isabel, late at night, the slightest bit tipsy from a glass of wine, laughter too loud to listen to the anxiousness yelling at him, the thought of keeping an eye on his surroundings wandering to the back of his mind for a brief moment.

  
Long enough to notice the four men who surrounded them from all sides a moment too late.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 1.I do imagine Levi as someone really really intense, despite the cold demeanor he likes to show. I'm excited to see if that part of him will change throughout this journey because he hasn't told me yet. 
> 
> 2.Thanks for all the comments and kudos! I really appreciate all of them!
> 
> 3\. I had to cut this chapter because it was getting too long.

1.

The fire Levi had lit in the stove earlier was freshly stoked and gave off a pleasant warmth, which warmed the room to the last crack.

Furlan took his time with his next move, his eyebrows almost touching as he examined the card Isabel had placed on the pile in the middle of the table a moment earlier.

Levi could almost hear the gears working behind his forehead.

Eren had been playing with them until two rounds ago, had given up after losing the fifth time though, complaining loudly about unfair disadvantages and distractions.

As much as he tried to deny it, playing cards with Isabel and Levi was not one of his strengths.

At one point during the last round, he had taken to sliding closer to Levi and wrapping his arms around his lover's neck to better see what he had in his hand. Every now and then he pointed at one of the cards.

“ This one.” Eren tapped against the king on the far left and muttered something not so nice under his breath when Levi shook his head.

" No one is stopping you from playing yourself.”, Levi mentioned calmly. “ But now that I see you in action I can say that maybe it was the right decision to stop. Second from the right."

Eren drew the card for him and threw it on the pile.

" I do not play with cheaters."

" There is a world of difference between someone else cheating, and not knowing the rules of the game well enough to win."

" Next time I'll rip you off."

" Like you planned to do today?"

Eren scoffed. " As if Isabel and you don't have cards hidden somewhere up your sleeves.”

" Please.", the mentioned girl drew a new card. " Don't degrade me to Levi's level.”

Furlan shrugged when his turn came and played a queen." It doesn't sound all that far-fetched."

Levi picked up another card and studied it for a second.

" I don't have to hide anything up my sleeve to win."

He then placed it on the pile and unanimous groans rang out.

Isabel threw the rest of her cards on the table. "I give up. It's impossible to play with you!"

" I've been telling you for the past half an hour." Eren mumbled.

His face felt hot against Levi's skin, a sign of how he was the slightest bit buzzed but not drunk from the wine he and Isabel had tasted earlier.

His breath smelled faintly of the alcohol.

Sweet

How his kisses tasted.

Levi elbowed him. " You're awfully close to someone you're calling a cheater."

Eren only tightened his hold. " You have to set priorities."

" Glad to see at least one priority is set. It isn't doing the dishes or not getting dirt into my house though.”

" You're being an asshole again."

" Takes an ass wipe to recognize an asshole."

Eren's quiet laughter rumbled in his chest, the vibration palpable in Levi's back.

“ Bastard.”

“ Scumbag.”

Eren pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Levi hated to be touched, the thought of hands that weren't his own on his body sending waves of discomfort throughout him, stirring in him the desire to hurt someone.

Badly.

With Eren, it was different though.

Everything had always been different with Eren, in all aspects of his life. His body yearned for the other's touch with a force he had almost not been able to bear at first.

A hand stroking through his hair, a kiss to his temple, fingers reaching for his. Eren was generous with touch and Levi soaked it up like a man dying of thirst.

Addictive.

Sometimes Levi thought that there was not so much difference between him and the drug addicts who injected their cocaine over in the eastern parts of town.

Eren was a drug. Only this one didn't make him waste away, it made him better.

"I would like to discuss a few more things regarding the equipment." Furlan said to Levi as he collected the cards and placed them in the box provided.

Isabel groaned. " Wasn't this supposed to be a fun night? Wine and games and all? And you slowpokes want to sound out strategies again?"

" I want to remind you that it's your gear that broke and that's why we urgently need equipment parts."

Isabel rolled her eyes at Furlan and turned to Eren, seemingly looking for help.

" What do you say?"

Eren leaned back in his chair, his left arm on the back of Levi's chair.

" I wouldn't mind a little fresh air.", his fingers wandered over Levi's neck. " It's not as if they would listen to our suggestions when we're here."

Levi brushed a lonely lint from the table that had been annoying him for quite some time. " Your suggestions usually involve attacking and hitting like madmen with shit for brains. Living in a cave doesn't mean you have to act like fucking caveman. "

At that comment, Eren looked at Levi and slightly tilted his head, his eyes flashing in amusement.

“ You really do enjoy comparing me to cavemen, don't you?”

“ You offer the perfect target.”

“ Where?”

“ Wipe the mirror down for once in your life and you'd be able to see."

" Both of you are disgusting.” Isabel stood up and slapped her palms on the tabletop. " Outside it is then. There's no way I'm going to listen to your bullshit all night long when I was supposed to have fun.”

Eren followed her lead by getting up from his chair. He paused when Levi grabbed him by the wrist and looked up at him.

" Stay close."

Eren was handsome in his white shirt, muscles visibly showing underneath, his hair slightly messed up as he had tussled it during the game.

Levi wouldn't mind if they were alone now.

" Of course."

Eren bent down to press a kiss to his temple, before straightening up and circling an arm around Isabel's shoulder.

“ Behave, Isabel.” Furlan called over to her and she showed him the finger before Eren had pulled her to the door, their bickering and laughter ringing after them.

It felt good when they laughed.

Deserved and like something that Levi should value, a melody none of them heard often enough.

Levi followed them with his gaze until the door slammed shut behind them before turning his attention to Furlan.

“ What'd you have?”

Furlan reached into his pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, which he unfolded and spread on the table in front of them.

In painstaking detail, he had drawn outlines of the city on the paper. Every house, every brothel, every gang headquarters, all the public and secret warehouses he knew about.

Furlan was a smart guy. Had he been born above, somewhere within Rose or Sina, he would probably be working in a senior position by now and getting fat from eating too much.

He had his snitches all over town, so he was always up to date, giving Levi new approaches and ideas he would never have thought of before. He gave suggestions when Levi was stuck, answered questions when Levi didn't know how, criticized without fear, and was loyal.

There weren't many people Levi really wanted to listen to during a conversation, but Furlan was definitely one of them.

" I was thinking about what William told you last week and I don't think Corry would hide such an expensive commodity far from the entrance," Furlan started. " The transport would take too long and he would have to cross too many territories to get it to his usual spots. I rather think he has placed another warehouse in one of these buildings."

He pointed to two crosses made on the upper part of his map.

There was a lot of stealing and being stolen from in the Underground and finding a safe place for the goods and valuables was the top priority.

It was almost laughable in Levi's opinion. They had been cornered like cockroaches, and instead of helping each other, they were fighting even more.

Maybe it was just human nature after all.

" I would do a little scouting first. There's a brothel near here. I know a few women who will help me out for a few favors."

Levi looked at him with a raised eyebrow and Furlan quickly waved it off. " I met them outside, not there. You know Isabel would make short work of me if I ever went in such a place."

Levi expected nothing less off her and left the answer uncommented.

Furlan pointed to another spot. “ There is also the possibility that he stored the machine parts here."

“ What makes you think that?”

" Three nights ago, there was a lot of coming and going according to an informant.", Furlan stood up and walked to his jacket, which he had hung up next to the front door, and reached into the jacket pocket. " He thinks he saw some of Corry's men.”

Levi leaned back against the back of his chair with his arms folded and watched as the other produced a cigarette from his pockets and put it between his lips.

" Do you want one too?"

Levi shook his head only slightly. " You're not planning on lighting that fucking thing in my house, do you?"

Furlan shook his head with a laugh and came back to the table. " It was way too expensive to get and I'm sure you wouldn't let me survive if I did. But -" he fell back heavily on his chair. "- if I hold it in my mouth like this I taste the tobacco and can use it again later.”

Levi scowled at him. “ Disgusting.”

Furlan shrugged and turned back to his notes.

" Where were we... Ah, yes. Most people who own gear down here will have already bought what they needed from him but I believe it was a quite big delivery so he must have things left. I think he's holding the remaining parts until supplies are needed again.”, he pushed the cigarette from one corner of his mouth to the other. “ It should be enough for us. He'll have realized though by now, that our group hasn't approached him yet and will be on guard. Maybe heightened security."

" So you think we should go and get an offer first to get him off our tracks?"

" That would be a possibility. But I hardly think that would make him less nervous.”

“ Why?”

Furlan slowly shook his head. “ I'm not sure. You've noticed it too. Things seem.... restless. Military police haven't shown up for a while and people started to notice. They wonder what's going on."

Levi couldn't blame anyone when he was hardly feeling any different since he had heard from William about people looking for them.

Something was going on, something he didn't have a hundred percent grasp on yet, and the thought of it made his scalp itch.

He had washed his hair twice since the morning.

He put his hand on the table and slowly tapped on the wood with his fingertips, his eyes on the window and the darkness beyond.

The itch grew the tiniest bit worse.

" Did you hear something?" he then asked.

Furlan looked up from the paper. " About what?"

" Those looking for us."

Furlan propped one arm up on the table and leaned his head into his hand. " Not really. Maybe they found someone else for whatever they supposedly need you for."

Levi hummed quietly.

Maybe he could scrub the bathroom again before going to bed that night.

He continued tapping the table with his fingertips, barely audible in the silence that settled over them.

Tap. Tap.

Another round.

Noises growing louder.

He paused, stopping the regular beat of his fingers, furrowed his brows as the sound didn't stop with him stopping.

Footsteps.

He turned his glance toward the door.

Running footsteps.

“ Levi!”

The door flew open, dropping Isabel into the room, completely out of breath, her red hair a mess. She held onto the door frame, eyes wide as she stared at him, searching for her breath.

She looked worried.

No...

That was not quite it.

Scared?

Isabell was solemnly scared and if she was there had to be a reason for it.

Levi's gaze automatically wandered over her shoulder into the darkness beyond.

Where was Eren?

They had been gone for mere minutes…

" What's wrong?" he asked calmly, suppressing the irrational panic that wanted to rise in his head, pushing it out of his mind with all his might.

“ Some men.”, she swallowed heavily. “ Some men showed up when-”

It had been the nervousness of losing sight of him that had scratched his skin with cold fingers. He should have known.

Where was Eren?

“ They cornered him and I was too far away- had a knife at his throat before any of us could do anything -”

His fingers pressed into his upper arm.

Push it down.

“ And?”

The dark took people in a matter of seconds.

He had seen it.

He had been the one to take and he had been the one that lost.

Just like that, they disappeared, even if you kept your eyes on them all the time without fail.

“ They said they came to talk to you! Eren stayed to keep an eye on them!”

Wanted to talk.

Levi had been on the verge of losing it, but the panic had not taken root. It weakened, ebbed away, remained a presence in the back of his mind as he rose from his chair.

Eren was strong, he could take on four men even if they did decide to do something, now that he knew they were there.

They wanted to talk.

If they wanted him dead, they would have tried by now. They needed surprise on their side to even think about getting him down and they lost that.

Eren wasn't weak because Levi had made sure of it.

They wanted to talk.

They didn't want to take.

Not yet at least.

He clenched his fists as he walked to the door without another word.

They wanted to talk?

It would be his utmost fucking pleasure.

* * *

2.

Cold steel at his throat.

Evoking the memory of sharp pain under his ribs, a memory of blinding agony, and the life running out of him with every drop of red.

Encircled from four sides.

Panic.

Push it down.

Just like Levi had told him.

Push it down, and let it out later, in the safety of your room. Push it down when I'm there to hold the pieces together but let it go for now because it won't save you. Don't let them know.

And so he did. Breathed on, in and out. against the panic thumbing in his chest.

Focused on his features, kept his eyes from widening and prevented his lips from trembling.

His gaze searched for Isabel, finding her meters away, frozen with one hand ready to pull the knife from her boot. No one had bothered to take care of her, as if she couldn't unleash hell on them as well.

Eren couldn't help but feel thankful for that.

At least she would be able to run.

Two fingers on his thigh, v-shaped.

'Stay'

She saw the sign and didn't move, her listening to him igniting another wave of gratefulness in Eren

Still the cold feeling of steel, too close to a throat that was easily cut.

Knives were second nature to Levi, a part of him that Eren loved, knives felt safe in his own hands. Known and under control.

Sometimes he seemed to forget what they were actually good for.

Push it down.

He clenched his hands into fists until his nails stabbed painfully into his palms.

Panic that gave way to other thoughts, slowly and tenaciously.

He could still feel the steel and that meant he was still alive.

It meant, that they weren't here to spill blood.

At least not yet.

" What do you want?"

His voice was firm.

Levi would resent him for not keeping track of his surroundings, but he would be proud of how little his voice shook.

Millimeter by millimeter, his hand moved to the knife, hidden in his pocket.

" A thug called Levi.", said one of the men, probably the leader going after the way he held himself back to let others do the work and still radiated authority. " We're looking for him."

" And what makes you think I can help you with that?"

" You were described as someone who knows. Very detailed, I have to say. You stand out down here."

Another millimeter.

Eren weighed his words briefly before continuing.

" And why would someone from the surface be looking for Levi?"

Their clothing was striking. It looked relatively old and shabby, but the material was too high of quality to believe the spectacle. As if they had tried to adapt to the circumstances.

" We have an offer for him he can't refuse.”

Eren studied his eyes. It lacked the hunger of those who pulled unwilling victims behind the houses into the dark alleys to unleash cruelty on them. There was no greed for gold and silver, which made some kill.

Eren was almost willing to believe them, but he needed a little more assurance to even think about getting them closer to Levi.

One more millimeter.

“ What kind of offer?”

“ That I will tell him personally.”

" You will only get to see him if I feel your reasons are important enough." He pressed out, voice itching closer to a growl.

A bit more assurance.

The man exhaled deeply and ran a hair through his short, graying hair.

“ Look, boy. We've been running around for days, and let me tell you, it's easier to catch a cockroach than this Levi. How much do you think we had to pay until someone finally opened their mouth and talked? I didn't want it to end this way, but I'm at the limit of my patience, so spit it out.”, his mouth lifting into a way too cocky smile. " You are in no position to negotiate."

“ Is that so?”

A bit more assurance.

In a knee-jerk reaction, Eren leaned heavily into the knife at his neck. Expensive blades like the one threatening to kill him cut easily without pushing them much, especially through the thin skin of a human neck.

There was no pain though because the pressure disappeared the slightest when the knife got lifted from his neck, enough so he wouldn't hurt himself.

Panic got pushed down further.

They truly didn't want him dead.

“ The way I see it I have the upper hand.”, Eren said darkly with new confidence. “ Give me no reason and you won't meet him. Do something to me and you'll have to answer to him.”

Another millimeter.

“ If you bothered to ask around for him, you will have heard the stories. They know his name, even outside of here. And they might have told you I'm part of his group, how I look like and that I'm important to him. But you will only understand the depth of that meaning after hurting me and him catching you.”

A wave of emotion ran across the face of his opponent, the thing that stood out the most the brief moment of worry about whether he should believe Eren or not.

“ You came down all the way here, not killing me when you could have long ago. Because I'm important to him, and he's important to you. So stop with the bullshit and give me an answer and I will decide what to do from there.”

Another millimeter.

He was almost ready. They looked uncertain, their gaze nervous. Now that he knew how many they were, where they had positioned themselves, and how unsure they suddenly seemed, he would be able to defeat them.

Silence.

The moment stretched out.

Then, a curt nod of the leader's head and the blade disappeared fully from his neck.

Erens hand stopped moving.

He could breathe again.

“ Citizenship. For above.”

Eren thought he had misheard at first.

“ What?”

“ Citizenship for the completion of a job.”, the man pressed out, clearly unhappy about telling him. “ That's the offer.”

It couldn't...

Could it be?

For a moment he saw it in front of him. Blue sky, wide fields, hair blown away by the wind that brushed through it.

Sunlight.

It couldn't be...

He made a decision in that exact moment.

" Isabel.", he said loud enough for the girl. " Get Levi."

She had yet to move from her spot.

" But- I can't leav-"

" Get Levi.", he repeated with more emphasis. " Tell him some people have an offer for him."

He still heard nothing and turned his head to her, convinced that they would not just take him by surprise by now.

“ Go. I'll be fine.”

The red-haired girl stood indecisive for a moment longer, then seemed to snap out of her inaction.

“ I'll be right back!”

She hurried off into the next best alley, leaving Eren alone.

As soon as her familiar figure disappeared in the dark, Eren could feel how his knees weakened under him.

Adrenalin still pumped through his body, but the worst panic had fallen from him.

Only with the utmost end of his willpower did he manage to take non-threatening slow steps away from the men over to the other side of the street where he sat down on some stairs under their watchful eyes.

He had felt that kind of adrenaline only a few times in the past.

There had been the man who had pushed a young boy into the corner, his fingers already much too far in his pants until he had been able to save himself with a bite in his neck only to cry into the corner of an alley for the rest of the night.

The burning pain in his gut when a blade had penetrated that had almost left him to die alone in a dark alley in the dirt...

Eren took his knife in his hand and slowly turned it between his fingers without taking his eyes off the group, wondering briefly if there were dark alleys where cruelty happened up there as well.

* * *

3.

The sounds of his footsteps echoed at this late hour.

A few more steps and he rounded the last corner, Furlan and Isabel behind him.

“ Over there!”

He followed Isabel's finger to where she pointed. A small group of men, tall and bulky, suspicious glances falling on him.

Eren?

He wasn't-

Levi found him on the other side of the street, sitting on the steps of a house, knives twisting in his hands.

Unharmed.

Alive.

Good.

Levi let the fear go and made room for the anger that seethed to the surface in hot vapors.

One of the men approached him, no weapon visible.

"I want to apologize for the way we met, but it turned out to be difficult to even find y-"

Levi had him against the wall behind him in the matter of a second, forearm pressed to his throat.

“ You want to talk to me, you come to me and only me.” Voice calm, his arm a crushing weight.

It filled him with surging pleasure to feel the other's larynx under his forearm, knowing that if he squeezed a bit tighter something would break.

Threatening Eren's life was enough to justify a death sentence.

“ Put your weapons down.” Furlan said calmly behind his back. The sound of knives being pulled from leather.

Furlan and Isabel were good enough to handle the men until he was done with fucking the one under his arm up.

“ Give me one good reason why I shouldn't simply choke you here and now.” he said, anger a bitter taste on his tongue.

The eyes above him became panicked.

Just a few more, sweet seconds to get his point across.

“ Levi.”

Eren's voice cut through the tense atmosphere.

With difficulty Levi detached his attention from the gasping piece of dirt in front of him and looked over the street at Eren.

He had not moved from the stairs but the blade he had been playing with earlier was now firmly in his hand.

He was ready for whatever would happen, but he would try to prevent it first.

Eren's look spoke volumes, word for word, line for line, urging Levi to calm down and to let go.

For now.

And Levi did as he was asked because Eren would not hold him back without reason.

He loosened his grip, letting the man sink to the ground with a gasp for air.

He turned to Furlan and Isabel who were still standing between him and the other attackers, their weapons drawn and ready to pounce on them.

“ Put your... weapons away...” The man's voice was wheezing but loud enough for his men to hear.

They followed his command, albeit slowly.

Levi kept an eye on the situation for a bit longer, waiting for them to perhaps resist and attack, but nothing happened.

“ You got something to say?” he then asked the man on the ground.

A weak nod.

“ Then you wait. Here.”

And with another piercing glare. “ Move and I'll finish where I stopped.”

With that, he left him and made his way to Eren on the other side of the street, hardly managing to keep himself from running over.

He stopped right in front of the other and looked down on him, hands clenched into fists.

" How the fuck did they get you so easily?"

Eren avoided meeting his gaze. He shrugged, feigning nonchalance when his jaw was so tense that it had to hurt.

"I didn't pay attention for a moment."

Not paying attention?

Anger reared its ugly head again, this time, less planned and without the goal of hurting someone, more untamed, deeper, and instinctual.

How many times had he told him to keep his fucking eyes open? How many times had he told him that every mistake could be his last? What if-

Levi forbade himself further thoughts.

“ What did they do?” Levi pressed out instead, not quite sure if he shouldn't cut into someone after all.

"Nothing. Took me by surprise and gave me a good scare."

Eren's head only sank further forward, tangled hair fell into his face. “ I know I fucked up, you don't have to tell me.”

"Eren." Levi had to fight tooth and nail to keep his voice under control.

Silence in response.

“ Look at me.”

Eren didn't.

Kept kneading his hands between his legs, his eyes on everything but Levi like he was a damn teenager and not an adult man.

“ For fucks sake, look at me.” Levi's tone knew no excuse.

He crouched in front of Eren and with a hand on his chin forced him to look meet his glare.

The green of his eyes was dark, flashes visible.

Levi withstood the force in them, rock against water, studying him slowly.

Eren's body spoke to him on a level that words never could.

A small part anger in his iris, another part shame

There...

Levi's grip became softer until his fingers only gently touched his cheeks.

Fear.

They had frightened him and Levi's heart hurt at the thought.

Fear settled in so easily.

Levi had seen it too many times. Fear spiraled, pulled you down in a powerful undertow if you gave it free rein, never letting go.

Especially down here, where danger lurked around every corner.

You had to grab it and pluck it out by the root while you still managed to figure out its origins.

Levi's fingers stroked over his face, his hand wandering down his neck until they lingered on a faint red line that hadn't been there before.

So close.

Eren must have been terrified and still held his ground.

From one moment to another Levi was terribly proud.

“ Listen, you fucking waste of fresh air.”, he reached for Eren's collar and pulled him closer until their foreheads almost touched. “ The only blade you should fear will be the one I'll ram into you if you ever pull that kind of shit again. You hear me?”

_Be safe._

“ Isabel comes running to me screeching like a fucking imbecile about you fucking things up one more time and I'll kick in your teeth.”

_I was worried._

“ I'll make you regret ever not paying full attention, you motherfucking shithole.”

_Don't let me lose you._

He closed his hand around the back of Eren's neck and pulled his forehead fully toward him, the touch more than needed.

Breathing.

In and out.

Keep breathing.

All was well.

Eren swallowed hard, and if Levi had seen something moist in his eyes, he ignored it.

“ You did well.” he then said quietly, meaning it.

Eren was strong, stronger than he would ever be. Levi realized it anew as the slight tremor in his lips disappeared and they curled into a weak smile that reached his eyes. He took Levi' hand and squeezed it.

_I'm sorry._

So, so strong.

He would be fine and Levi would make sure of it.

Eren bumped his fist gently against Levi's shoulder. “ You've expanded your vocabulary. Trying to romance me?”

Levi scoffed. “ Ruining the moment?”

“ You really did try? We have to work on that then.”

“ Please. If I tried you'd be romanced off your dirty ass in no time.”

He looked over his shoulder. The group of men was still standing on the other side of the street. Their leader seemed to have calmed down halfway, but was still rubbing his neck, much to Levi's satisfaction.

Furlan and Isabel had joined them and waited a few meters away to give them some feeling of privacy.

Now that Levi stood up Isabel came rushing towards them.

"Shit, Eren!", she fell around his neck. " I thought they'd fucked you up real bad!"

"Thank you for your trust in me." he pressed out, almost choked by her tight embrace.

“ I nearly shat my pants when you told me to leave!”

Eren patted her back. “ I'm sorry.”

“ You better be!”

“ What's this all about?” Furlan asked, confusion visible on his features.

Isabel eased up a bit and looked at Eren, as all three of them did by now.

" Yes, what do they want?"

Eren glanced up at Levi. “ Said something about an offer.”

Levi clicked his tongue. “ About damn time I hear about that fucking offer everyone keeps going on about.”

“ I didn't want to believe it first. But -”, Eren's tongue stroked over his dry lips. “ - he said the payment for some job would be citizenship for above.”

For the second time that day, Levi almost lost his breath.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What is this Heat Waves ff and why does AO3 keep crashing because of it?

1.

The lamp emitting light next to their bed was just bright enough for Levi to make out the words in his book.

He actually didn't really need the light at all due to the fact that it was the only book in his possession and by now he had read it so many times he knew it by heart. Still, he found himself more often than not opening it and reading the pages all over again.

Eren's head was a comfortable weight in his lap, while Levi let a hand wander through his hair, lost in the story in front of his eyes.

“ Levi?”

The first word exchanged in a while.

“ Hm?”

“ Why did Kenny teach you how to read?”

Levi let his eyes continue to wander over the pages as he pondered the question.

" Maybe he wanted to fill me with beautiful things to make up for everything else he taught me." he then said. " Maybe he does have something like a consciousness."

“ I don't think so.”

“ Me neither.”

Eren said nothing in response to that, and Levi took that as being satisfied with the answer.

Another page.

Two lines.

“ Levi?”

“ Yes?”

“ Is it difficult?”

“ What?”

Another paragraph.

“ Reading.”

" Not once you understand how it works."

No answer to that and Levi focused on the story again.

Two sentences. The end of a chapter.

“ Levi?”

Levi suppressed a sigh. “ Yes?”

“ How long did it take you?"

" How long did it take me for what? Can you speak in a full sentence for once?"

" Until you could read properly."

“ A few days.”

He waited a moment, his gaze on Eren's head, but when no further question followed he sank back against the headboard of the bed and-

“ Levi?”

He closed his book with a loud thud and threw it on the pillow next to him. “ Spit it out before I stuff you into the nearest manhole, you walking shit on a stick. What is it?”

Eren set up so he could look at him, unfazed by the curses, eyes glittering, and a smile so wide it had to hurt.

“ Now that we're going outside, will you teach me how to read?”

Levi stopped moving, his eyebrows slightly raised. "Why all of a sudden? You never had any interest in it."

"Because it is useless down here. But up there-" that his eyes could shine even more was a miracle. " There will be normal work to do, and more stuff to buy and signs on the stores..."

The pure innocence he showcased had never quite left Eren and Levi hoped with all his heart that, if it hadn't been beaten out of him by now, he would be allowed to keep it.

“ Alright.”, Levi stroked a messy strand of hair behind Eren's ear. " I will teach how you to read. If you don't act like a complete imbecile."

For that Eren pinched his side. He then slid the book off the pillow next to Levi, only to lie down on it.

" Have you ever heard of this Erwin Smith before?"

Levi had given up thinking about his book. Once Eren started to ask questions, there was no end to it.

“ Here and there you can always pick up something about him. He seems to have already made a name for himself even though he's young.”

" And he's really going to try to recruit people from the Underground?"

" That's what the agent said. Word has it he's been planning for a while to come down here.”

" Is he strong?"

Levi nodded slowly. " He's one of the best captains the Survey Corps has ever had. And he seems to have enormous eyebrows."

Eren snorted loudly. " Maybe that's his secret weapon?"

"You mean he hurls it into the path of a titan?" said Levi dryly, earning an amused snort.

Eren's laughter died away only softly. He then lay still, warm and soft under Levi's fingers that found his hair again.

" What's going on in that mind of yours?" asked Levi at some point when it had been quiet for too long.

“ This man who sent his people to us. Lovof... he doesn't seem like the good kind of person to me. I wonder what is written about him in the documents we are supposed to steal from Erwin.”

“ We can find out and squeeze even more out of him than just citizenship. I'd fucking love to.” Levi still harbored the deepest resentment against the men who had threatened Eren.

" It's just...", Eren looked up at Levi. “ I can't help but want to be on Smith's side. He doesn't seem like a bad man. It feels wrong to go against him."

“ Don't struggle with moral issues. It won't bring you to the surface. We do the job we're asked to do and take what they give us. ”

"I know. ", Eren lightly puffed out his cheeks and let the air pop out. "Still. It doesn't seem right, even if I would grasp at any straw to leave this shit hole.”

Levi could understand him, but he had learned far too early that good and bad, white and black, were often not what they appeared to be at first glance. Erwin Smith may have seemed like a good man, but no one could know exactly what was hiding deep inside. 

“ Levi?”

“ Yes?”

“ The Survey Corps... the way they head out of the Walls. They're kind of great, don't you think?”

The gleam returned to Eren's eyes, only this time it sat heavy in Levi's stomach.

He didn't like it at all.

“ Suicidal, that's what those fuckers are.”

" They ride outside, right into titan land. Seeing more of the world than anyone else. I can't help but wish I could be part of at least one expediti-."

Levi had him under him on the mattress, so quickly that Eren didn't seem to know what hit him.

“ Levi – what-”

“ You-”, Levi leaned closer to him, forcing Eren to look at him with one hand on his chin. " You will not leave these walls only to be eaten by a titan."

He spoke slowly, each and every word with emphasis so that they would hopefully be burned into the man under him.

" I'm not taking you out of this hell to send you to the next."

Eren was his own person, able to make his own decisions and Levi would gladly support him in everything he did but...

The admiration in his voice about the Corps' suicidal actions let his stomach tighten painfully.

“ Levi...”, Eren sighed.“ You're overreacting.”

Levi leaned back a little again, but kept straddling him.“ I'm making my point clear.”

" We become official members of the military soon. If they send us out, then we have to go."

" Do you really think it will take me that long to find these documents? That I would have taken the job otherwise? I'll get them, give them to the capital pig and bag our reward before they can send us anywhere."

Eren looked at him for a long time, his hands on Levi's thighs.

" What if they betray us?”

Levi scoffed darkly. “ It would not be the first man to try to deceive me. I have my ways. And if nothing helps, a few heads will roll before we disappear.”

Eren pushed himself up into a sitting position and at eye level with Levi, only to lean in for a quick kiss. " I'd like to leave all the head rolling down here if possible. It'll be a new beginning for all of us."

" Before you have to put any foot in front of this damn wall I w-"

Another kiss stopped him.

" Maybe the stories about those titans are exaggerated. Have you ever seen one?"

He was so pure.

Levi would give him anything, if possible. The world on a platter, shaped according to his wishes. Open and free, for him all alone so his eyes would always shine like that.

It almost hurt to see how beautiful he was.

" Only a few come back every time."

It hurt more not to be able to give him the world.

" What do you mean?"

Levi brushed another unruly strand of hair behind his ear. "Why do you think they're looking for people down here? Why they take thieves and murderers and rapists into their ranks?"

" Because-"

" There's no one up there who wants to do the job. They're too scared of facing those titans so they use us.”

Eren said nothing more to that.

Levi didn't know exactly who had bridged the distance between their lips. Maybe it was him in a sudden fit of unbearable longing.

" Don't dream too high, Eren.", Levi murmured between two kisses. " This is all we can get. At least for now."

Between the sheets, a second warm body all over him, it did seem like enough.

* * *

2.

As predicted, a small group of Survey Corps showed up underground a few days later.

Five people, the deep green of their capes more than striking.

Eren was the first to notice them on a late morning trip to buy some food.

For a brief moment when the instinct to flee had set in, he thought that the military police had returned.

He already almost vanished in a dark alley between two houses when he noticed the wings on their capes after another short gaze he threw over his shoulder.

" Levi!" he shouted as he more or less fell through the door he had ripped open. " They're here!"

Levi eyed him with a raised eyebrow from where he sat at the table, enjoying one cup of his horrendously expensive tea.

" We really need to work on your transmission of information."

A sip from his cup.

" Who exactly is here?"

" The Survey Corps!", Eren quickly came over to the table and propped himself upon the wood. " I just saw them!"

Levi took another sip. " And what are they doing?"

"As far as I've seen, they're just talking to some people on the street. There was a tall blonde one with them. I think it might be Erwin Smith."

" Good." Levi calmly continued drinking his tea while Eren nervously tapped his heel on the floor, not knowing what to do with himself.

He had been as tense as a wire over the last few days, the thought of life above something that accompanied him every waking moment.

Two plates had fallen victim to his tense nervousness and after a cup had almost met its end as well, an unnerved Levi had banished him from the kitchen corner for an indefinite period.

" So?"

" So what?" asked Levi, looking at him from below, his cup almost touching his lips.

" When do we strike?"

" Let me finish my tea first."

Eren groaned in distress. " How can you stay so calm! We should go outside, show ourselves to them." he pointed to the door. "What if they disappear right away?"

"They won't."

" But-"

Levi took a last sip of tea and put his empty cup on the table. "Sometimes I really wonder if you ever listen to me when I tell you something, you stupid fuck."

In return, Eren scowled at him and Levi sighed.

" I can stay so calm because they're obviously asking around at the moment to figure out if there are people down here who fit their criteria for a soldier.", he then explained. " And among others, it will be our names that fall because let's face it, there's no other group that can use the gear as well as we do. They will get curious and they will try to find us.”

He stood up and took his cup over to the sink.

“ And we will give them a good show.”

He turned on the water.

" So pull your underwear out of your ass and calm down."

He washed his cup carefully, hanging it out to dry while Eren still bit his lip nervously.

Levi was right, and he knew it, but the thought that this one chance might slip through their fingers when he could almost smell the surface...

Warm fingers cupped his chin and forced him to turn his head.

Gray on green.

A mustering gaze.

" Can you pull yourself together enough to not get caught the first time we show ourselves to them? I don't want it to look like we're trying to get caught right away."

" What kind of qu-"

" Can you pull yourself together?" Levi simply repeated.

Eren glared at him. " Of course I can."

" Good.", one hand went to his collar to pull him downwards for a short peck. " Then buckle up. We'll be heading out. Time to show them what they're here for.”

Now Eren was beaming, and he was still doing so when they later flew through the city with Isabel and Furlan in tow, committing a random theft obvious enough for the Corps to notice them.

Eren knew that Levi could be a tease, but god damn, the moment he knew that they had been spotted he smoothed his already perfect maneuvers to a point that Eren almost flew into a wall again at the sight of it.

Eren cast a quick glance over his shoulder before they disappeared into an alley.

All eyes were on them.

The blond man's seemed to bore into Levi, so obviously that Eren was almost overcome with jealousy.

But, he thought as he followed the other three to safety, there was no doubt that the soldiers would be back for them.

" He looked at you as if he wanted to eat you up." Eren said that evening in bed.

Levi stopped trailing kisses down his neck and raised his head far enough to be able to look at him.

" The blonde guy. Almost bust a nut at your view. "

" Eloquent."

“ He must have been Erwin Smith going by the way he leads the soldiers.”

“ Going by the eyebrows, I would say.”

Eren couldn't find it in him to laugh at the remark, his hands on Levi's thighs, warm in his abdomen but in no mood to go further all of sudden.

Levi slightly tilted his head as he looked at Eren from the top of him.

"What's wrong?"

" Don't like people staring at you that way.”

Levi looked at him for a long time and then slid off him to the side, where he stayed close beside him.

"What's the real reason?"

" For what?"

" Your moping."

He stroked Eren's hair out of his forehead with gentle movements.

Eren turned his head to look at him.

His gaze slid slowly over his face, the dark strands of hair falling into his forehead, the light shadows under his eyes that never seemed to disappear completely. Levi's eyes had a whole world in them, emotions that others had to shout out hidden in a single glance.

Eren loved him so much.

" Oi, brat.", a soft flick to his nose. " Where did you go?"

" I'm still here."

" I dare to doubt it."

Eren smiled weakly and just as fast as it had appeared, the smile disappeared as he reached for Levi's hand and intertwined their fingers.

His hands had always been a little bigger than Levi's.

" What if things become different? Up there?" he then said softly, giving a name to the feeling that had joined his anticipation and excitement as a small black spot in the back of his mind. " Between us."

New players had appeared on the field, making real what had previously been only an imagination in his head.

Had made the change tangible.

Eren knew his way around the underground. He knew how things worked. The uncertainty that awaited them up there suddenly scared him.

Levi's eyebrows drew together slightly. " What should be different?"

"I don't know... Maybe everything?", Eren caught himself swallowing hard. " What if you want to leave everything behind that reminds you of down here? Start over fully. "

" And that would include you?"

" Yes."

It almost physically pained him to say it.

" You think I lived with your skinny ass for years only to discard you at the first possible moment?"

" No... I was just..."

" Would you?" Levi interrupted him.

" What?"

" Change things between us because the sun finally lights up your stupid ass?"

His words were harsh, but his voice soft.

Eren shook his head. " Never."

He didn't even have to think about it for a second. Living without Levi would mean to purge half of his soul out of himself and bleed for the rest of his life.

He held on tighter to Levi.

" Not for anything in the world."

" Then you have your answer."

Levi's free hand was a warm weight on his cheek.

" Even if you had all the darkness this godforsaken place can offer inside of you, nothing would stop me from being by your side. Down here or up there. So stop worrying your ugly mug about useless things.”

And Eren trusted in every word.

* * *

3.

" I don't like that Erwin guy."

Levi looked over at Eren and Isabel, who were standing in an opening in the wall that opened to a street beneath, probably to watch the Survey Corps group that had appeared for the umpteenth time that week.

“ Why?” Eren asked without looking at her.

“ Don't know. He just irks me the wrong way.”

Levi scoffed to himself when he heard the sour tone and saw her dismissive posture with her arms folded. She was not the only one.

Eren shrugged. “ It might be his eyebrows.”

Isabel's profile looked disgusted. "I think they've taken on a life of their own. If you're not careful enough, they'll jump you."

Levi put his knife, which he had inspected for a last time in his pocket and stood up from where he had been sitting next to Furlan.

" Get your asses over here."

Isabel came over immediately and Eren did so as well after he had taken another look at the street.

"You all remember what we talked about?" Levi began when all three of them had gathered around him.

Furlan and Isabel nodded.

Levi glared at a non - moving Eren and the younger sighed deeply.

"Get their attention and let them take up the chase. Make it hard enough for them not to seem suspicious but let them arrest you in the end."

For the obvious exaggeration in his voice, Levi hammered his elbow into his rib. Eren scowled and rubbed his side, which Levi fully ignored.

" They are good, so be careful. We've been giving them a bit of a runaround the last few days, but now we want them to take us. Okay?" he said instead.

A nod - this time - in unison.

" No unnecessary risks."

His gaze went to Eren, who rolled his eyes but nodded.

" Got it."

" Good. Let's go then."

“ Yay!” Isabel bumped a fist in the air and jogged away, followed by a head-shaking Furlan.

Levi held Eren back as the other two made their way down the stairs to the entrance of the abandoned house.

" I mean it, Eren." he said firmly. " Be careful."

Eren smiled. " Always."

Levi scoffed, but let the matter go.

Minutes later, his gear hooks dug into the first wall and pulled him through the air. Adrenaline shot through his body as the ground approached and the wires saved him from impact at the last moment.

" Levi!" Isabel called to him from behind.

He looked over his shoulder and saw the soldiers in green who had taken up their pursuit.

" You know what to do."

Isabel whooped. " Alright!"

Whirring sounds, a last quick glance at Eren, and then Levi was alone.

He didn't remember a lot of what happened afterwards, like so often in fights when he turned off his head and let autopilot take over.

Darkness, a familiar passage through a warehouse.

Outside.

A body that crashed into his, a deflected sword blow.

A kick that he could sink.

They were good, but Levi knew that with the right equipment and the will to beat them, he could do so.

A second soldier from above.

The blade of a sword hitting his knife with a force that nearly drove him to his knees.

Almost.

Awareness that returned as the soldier he recognized as their leader, Erwin Smith stopped, his sword against Levi's knife.

Blue eyes on his as both of them stop their movement.

" Take a look."

He didn't really have to, because the shouting was loud enough, but he still looked in the direction the other had indicated.

A clamoring Isabel and a wordless Furlan behind her, both with their hands tied on their backs.

Unharmed.

Good.

Levi quickly checked the immediate area.

No Eren yet, though.

He looked back at Erwin, had yet to lower his knife and relax his stance to show that he gave up, just how they had planned it.

As if hanging on the strings of a puppet master, he turned away from the man again almost compulsively.

Still no Eren.

Was he still running?

Had Levi misjudged the situation? Was the desire to recruit them as soldiers not great enough after all?

The urge to fight slipped back into his fingers.

Erwin seemed to pause.

Maybe -

" Take your fucking hands off me!"

Levi's chest deflated.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Eren being led closer with his hands tied on his back, clearly unhappy with his current situation but on his feet and unharmed.

Levi let go of the tension that had almost driven him back into a fight and the next moment dropped his knife to the ground.

The eyes that rested on him widened the slightest bit and Levi found something in them that he could not decipher.

The only thing he knew was, that a shiver ran down his spine and he suddenly had the feeling that he had revealed something he should not have.

Erwin stepped back and slid his sword back into its holder. Levi sensed the presence of the other soldier with whom he had fought earlier behind him.

" I'm Captain Erwin Smith."

Levi said nothing.

" You are talented with the gear.", Erwin addressed Levi, but also looked over at the others. " Where did you learn how to use it?"

Levi scoffed. " Sorry to disappoint you, but talking to soldier pigs is not at the top of my Christmas wish list."

The kick in the back of his knees was quick and painful. Levi fell soundlessly to his knees and was yanked backward by a hand knotting his hair.

" Show some respect." said a voice close to his ear.

An angry cry.

" You fucking bastards!"

Eren's emotions overflowed easily.

He lived nothing half-heartedly, and Levi loved him for it.

His laughter was loud, his tears hot, his honesty often more than Levi could stand. His shame great, his fear tremendous when it overcame him.

His will was made of iron.

Levi would take it all, every day.

But right now, he wasn't supposed to. He was supposed to be quiet and listen, to not fight against the hands that held him back.

Eren's anger was hot, hot enough to burn him. Hot enough for him to forget that they had a role to play to get what they wanted.

" Get your fucking hands off him! I swear-"

He'd get himself killed.

" Eren."

Levi didn't yell.

He spoke softly, just loud enough for Eren to hear, his name even on his tongue. The command to be quiet, to calm down, to take his goddamn head out of his ass right this second so attention wouldn't be all on him.

" Calm the fuck down."

His voice did not allow any objections.

And so Eren shut his mouth, let himself get pushed down to his knees, his jaw tightened painfully, almost hateful eyes on the two men with Levi.

" You're Eren then.", Erwin Smith continued after a moment of silence and Levi wanted to cut out his tongue at the way he used his name. " Then I imagine over there is Furlan with Isabel. And you must be Levi."

He smiled and Levi didn't know what to make of it.

He seemed inscrutable.

"I have to admit that it took longer than planned to get information about you. You guys have a far-reaching reputation down here."

" Get to the point, will you?" The grip on Levi's hair had loosened a bit, but now he was yanked back painfully again.

This time Eren held back and the relief was far stronger than the pain.

" You know who we are." Erwin continued.

"Your crest makes it hard not to know. "

Levi had always found it strange that their crest was wings.

A fucking farce.

Levi had yet to see any kind of wings that brought freedom with them.

"We came down here to recruit new soldiers. And my choice fell on you."

  
Levi knew he would hear these words eventually but still a weight fell from his shoulders.

Somewhere deep down fear had settled in the past week.

The fear, that they would run into an open knife, that he would expose their group for nothing at all. That they would end up in a prison somewhere, awaiting execution as soon as they let themselves fall into the hands of these soldiers.

  
He let the weight roll off his shoulders onto the ground without letting on, his face the apathetic mask he knew so well how to use.

“ And what makes you think we'll join your little group?”

Erwin nodded at the person behind Levi and the pressure in his hair disappeared.

" You will join us, or you will be handed over to the Military police right away. I know that they would do a lot to finally get their hands on you."

Erwin crouched down next to him.

“ Just two years. Give me two years of your time and help me fight the titans. With your skill, we do have a chance. It's amazing how you guys could handle the gear. I can't imagine how good you will be after official training."

There seemed to be honest admiration speaking from his words.

“ Two years and I'll promise you legal citizenship.”

Levi scoffed. “ Promises aren't worth that much down here.”

Erwin smiled at that. “ They're not worth a lot on the surface as well. But I can assure you that, to me, a promise is something important that I don't just throw around.”

And then his smile disappeared, just like that.

"Unlike with Lovof, you will have a true chance of reaching your goal if you join my side.”

Levi froze.

" After all, you can't steal documents that aren't even in my possession."

What...

His words hit Levi in the stomach like a fist.

" There was a little too much commotion after I made my plans to look for recruits down here public. And it was a little too noticeable how the military police suddenly weren't present anymore. Like they wanted you guys on display for me to find you.," Erwin slightly tilted his head. " I couldn't be sure until I tracked down Lovofs agent, but money makes any tongue go weak."

“ What the fuck are you talking about?!” Erens voice roared up again but Levi couldn't find it in himself to chastise him for it.

Levi let his gaze wander to Furlan and Isabel, who were staring at him with widened eyes.

He had led them into this situation under the assumption that they would be able to leave the military as soon as possible.

He let his gaze glide over to Eren, who was again struggling against the hands that held him on the ground.

Levi needed him.

Needed to hold him to stop the furious beating of his heart.

He wanted him under the light, not outside the walls.

“Even if you should think differently of me now, I mean no harm to you.”, Erwin now spoke only to him. " But I need you because your group can make a difference. Because you alone can make a difference."

And Levi felt hatred for the man welling up inside him. Hatred because they had stepped out of the shadows when they would have been safer in them, hatred because his goals were worth more to him than their lives were.

Than Eren's was.

“ What will it be?”

Every word another punch to his gut.

There wasn't an option.

Levi looked at his group.

A nod from Furlan, Isabel's wide eyes at him. Eren, a whole thunderstorm raging over his features, ready to chop the man in front of him to pieces.

The Survey Corps or the Military Police.

It was his to decide.

But there was no option and there had never been one.

There had only ever been the surface.

Levi clawed his fingers into the earth beneath him, barely feeling the pain as a small stone dug under his fingernail.

There was only above.

Erwin had been right with one thing.

Levi was strong.

Stronger than they would ever know and he would unleash hell on everything that stood between them and a life in the light. He would crush the whole world and put it together again before giving it to Eren. Before letting anything, down here, up there, or outside the walls, get into his way.

He would wipe out every last one of the titans if it meant achieving his goal.

“ We'll join you.”

The pain subsided after that, turned into concrete in his gut as he gave himself completely to the decision. Thoughts stopped swirling, calmness came over him.

“ Good.”

Levi would hate blue from this day on.

" Very good."

Erwin held his gaze, turned away from him briefly.

Glancing over not at Furlan or Isabel, but at Eren, and Levi hated every second of it.

“ Him.”, Erwin leaned in, his mouth so close to Levi's ear that he had to merely whisper to be understood. “ He's the one for you, isn't he? You only let your knife go when he appeared.”

Levi continued to breathe calmly.

“ Every soldier has them. That one person. And no matter how well trained you are, no matter how loyal and subordinate, you will run to them second harm is on their way.”

“ What are you trying to tell me?” Levi pressed out between gritted teeth.

“ He's good.”, Erwin leaned the slightest bit away from him. "And it would be a shame not to have him in the military. But you are better. Much better. And I need you at your full potential. Therefore, he will not become a soldier alongside you.”

A while ago, those words would have caused rage to spill over. They would have catapulted Levi at Erwin to slit his throat at the mere thought of being without Eren.

What he found now though, was relief.

Pure relief that would have brought him to his knees had he still been standing.

Eren wouldn't have to leave the walls.

“ I'm not a monster, so I'm not going to leave him down here without you. He'll come to the surface and be put in a safe place where I know he'll be safe from Lovof."

Levi hung his head, suddenly too weak to do anything.

“ Levi!”

Eren.

“ What is he saying?!”

His voice more frantic by the second.

“ I will join the military alone. Let all three of them be together somewhere safe.” Levi said weakly.

" That would be too much wasted talent."

Silence.

Then. “ The girl. She can stay with him. She's good but rather reckless with the gear. It would be hard to make an obedient soldier out of her.”

Isabel would be devastated without Furlan.

“ Levi! What the hell are you talking about?!”

Levi ignored Eren's shouts and lifted his gaze from the ground. "How do I know you won't get rid of them as soon as I turn my back on them?”

"I kill titans. Not humans. Do your job as a soldier and you can be sure that nothing will happen to them."

Strangely enough, Levi believed him. He had heard some things about Erwin Smith, but nothing that suggested he was not honorable.

"Two years. After that, we'll be legal citizens and we can go wherever we want. All of us."

“ You have my word.”

Maybe two years on the surface wouldn't feel like half an eternity.

" Let us see them regularly."

"That could be arranged."

Erwin straightened up to his full height and held out his hand to Levi.

" I assume that we have come to an agreement.?"

" It's not like you gave me a fucking option.", Levi ignored his hand, and took his knife before and slowly stood up. “ Just remember one thing.”

For a moment there were only the two of them, the loud shouts and voices around them slowly disappearing into the background.

" Don't even think about betraying me."

He took a step towards Erwin, even though it made their size difference even more prominent and let the calm violence wash over him. Familiar, cold, anything that would keep the other feelings that threatened to overcome him at bay.

" You've already put one foot in your grave with this and I will not hesitate to fully push you in the hole. And there will be nothing that can save you.”

With that, he turned away from him and walked over to the others, all the while thinking how the hell he was going to explain to them what was going to happen. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the comments and the kudos! They are always very much appreciated and make my day! I listened to Watch over You by Alter Bridge while writing this and man, does that kind of music style work for Levi and Eren.

1.

At first, Eren didn't believe him.

How could he, when everything that left Levi's mouth seemed to make no sense at all?

Being separated from him while he rode outside the Walls on his own?

Taking Furlan with him?

Himself staying behind?

The mere thought of it was so far-fetched, so impossible, that Eren didn't want to think it through to the end.

Couldn't think it through.

He wanted to laugh, call Levi an asshole for his grotty jokes, maybe throw in another insult at him because he had really been scared for a brief moment.

Then ask him for the truth.

Wanted to find out what the real reason was for Levi slumping down in front of Erwin minutes ago as if earth itself had decided it would prefer having him closer to the ground.

However, no sound escaped his suddenly dust-dry throat.

Eren looked at Furlan, who had one arm around Isabel.

She had been throwing a fit a minute ago, had been the recipient of one of Levi's sharp comments, and was strangely quiet now.

Furlan smiled gently at Levi like he always did.

Always understanding, always good-natured, always an open ear.

Smiled, with a certain sadness in his eyes, as if he understood better what had just left Levi's mouth when it was Eren who was supposed to get him without words.

Eren found his gaze drawn back to Levi, followed the line of his arm to his hand, which was clenched into a slightly shaking fist.

It had to be painful, seeing how deep he drove his fingernails into his palm.

Levi was tense.

Tense in the worst way, as if the already heavy burden on his shoulders had doubled from one second to the next.

As if he had spoken the truth all along.

The truth…

Levi never lied.

Eren's knees weakened and with that, it finally hit him.

Levi had seemed burdened by another weight because the burden was real, as real as it could get.

" You're fucking with me." Eren brought out, wide eyes on Levi.

“ You think I'd be fucking around with such a topic, Eren?”, Levi said more calmly than his posture would have suggested. " You'll stay somewhere safe while Furlan and I join the Survey Corps."

His detached way of speaking was like tinder that had been stacked under the anxiousness that spread through Eren's stomach like an ulcer, threatening to set it on fire.

“ Bullshit.”

He took a step toward Levi, slightly lifted his hand to reach out for him, only to not touch him after all.

“ There's no way-” he started but Levi simply shook his head.

“ It's decided.”

One step closer to the edge.

" Well, too bad it's decided for you.”, Eren broke out, his own hands balling into fists.“ There's no fucking way I'm not joining you!”

Levi's eyes narrowed the slightest. " This is not up for debate, so don't even think about starting a scene."

" Fuck you and your debate!"

" Do you prefer him calling the Military on our asses?"

" Let me talk to him then! Maybe I can-”

“ Eren.”, Furlan intervened, one arm still around Isabel. “ I think we all have to try to stay calm now. We obviously couldn't predict that Erwin knew about our mission. At the moment, he has us in the palm of his hand and we have no choice but to follow his orders before he changes his mind.”

“ But-”, Eren had a hard time breaking his gaze away from Levi but managed to. “ You just agree with this shit show?”

The obvious sympathy that Furlan displayed made the situation almost worse.

" You're okay with joining them? And leave Is and me out of it?"

“ I am if it means Isabel doesn't have to join the Corps for Expeditions.”

The girl turned further into Furlan's side, pressed her face into his neck and Eren could not for the life of him understand where her voice had disappeared to.

She should be furious.

Before Eren could respond Levi interfered again.

" Erwin's made his decision.”, he took a step towards Eren, who had moved away from him without noticing. “ He's not letting you in."

The gray of his eyes the slightest bit colder.

“ He wouldn't let you in even if I wanted you to join."

Eren opened his mouth slightly to say something, anything, but no sound escaped his mouth.

Even if I wanted you to join.

There were too many feelings causing havoc inside him to fully untangle them.

The familiar anger, confusion, the urge to plead for an explanation, a sense of betrayal.

A horrible feeling of pressure behind his eyes that threatened to break out in desperate tears.

Even I wanted you to join.

One step closer.

" What did he say?"

His hand finally touched Levi's arm.

" What did he say?", Eren pressed out as he felt himself slowly losing control. " What the fuck did he tell you for you to agree that easily?"

Eren looked over at the soldiers, lingered on the tall figure of Erwin in their midst. The blond man seemed to notice that he was being watched and glanced shortly over at them.

The havoc cleared the slightest, anger and fury those that stood out the most when Eren took Erwin in.

One step closer.

"If you think I'm going to let you push me away that easily!"

" Brat, listen…"

Eren's blanked Levi as his entire attention was focused on the captain, who broke away from his group and walked toward them, the other soldiers at a distance but close enough to intervene if anything happened.

He stopped a few steps away.

" I know this must take you by surprise and I can understand that it will take you a while to get used to the situation, but it is for the best."

Eren hated his voice.

Hated the mere fact that he was breathing.

" Levi and Furlan will become important, if not elementary, tenants in our group. They will make a difference.”

Eren laughed bitterly and felt Levi tense up under his touch.

" Care to share why I can't be a part of it?"

Levi reached for his wrist.

“ I hardly think I can explain my reasons better than Levi. Since we still have to prepare some things for tomorrow, we will leave now.", he turned to Levi without giving Eren another glance. " I expect you at sunrise-”

It was the detachment with which he spoke that pushed Eren over the cliff.

The way he talked as if this was nothing more than a routine occurrence when he did nothing less but throwing out all the plans, everything they had ever hoped for, tearing them apart for a cause they should never have been a part of.

Leaving Eren out of it, when he could be just as much of the difference he so much seemed to want.

When he was supposed to go wherever Levi went.

He fell and hit the water and the waves swallowed him, turning his surroundings white.

One arm slammed against his chest, hard, an iron grip, hands holding him back with all their might.

" Eren." Levi's deep voice so close only made him go wilder.

The thought that he would no longer be able to hear it?

That he -

" I will give you every fucking difference you want!" he screamed.

“ Eren, hey.” Levi's voice from somewhere far away, not loud enough.

Erwin just eyed him wordlessly, inscrutable as Eren had experienced him in conversation with Levi.

" I'll rip those Titans to shreds!”

His fingers dug into Levi's arm, tried to push him out of the way.

“ Every last one of them!”

But Levi did not move from the spot and Erwin only looked at him.

That awful detachment that Eren had come to hate in the first few minutes of meeting him.

Eren bled and Erwin simply watched.

“ The decision has been made.”

Eren could barely understand him over the static in his ears as the grip on him tightened to a painful degree.

“ I do hope you do not plan to disobey my orders or you will spend your time in prison.”

A glance over Eren's shoulder.

“ All of you.”

And Eren froze long enough for cold hands that found their way on his cheeks, forcing him to look into gray eyes.

“ Eren.”

Levi's voice was finally loud enough.

“ Look at me.”

The grip he had on Eren bordered on being painful and left no room for misunderstanding.

It was enough warning to show that Levi was not playing.

One more step and he would use force on Eren.

The water pulling him down parted the slightest.

A flicker in Levi's gaze, the jump from iron across to a flash of pain and back to icy gray almost imperceptible.

It was not lost on Eren though, as brief as the moment was.

Levi was hurting and the thought was strangely grounding.

For a brief, terrible moment, he had thought Levi didn't care at all.

" Pull your shit together before you drag everyone into a mess.”

Levi's grip was unwavering, impossible for Eren to fight.

Pull yourself together?

All strength seemed to leave his body, and if Levi hadn't been holding him, he might have sunken to his knees.

“ You said it yourself.” Eren heard himself quietly say.

Levi's touch never burned, but now it was like fire.

“ You said yourself, that most of them don't come back.”

Quiet, only for Levi to hear.

“ And you agree so easily to go without me? Without me to look after you?”

A nod without any hesitation, worse than any punch into his gut.

Eren exhaled with a shudder.

He backed away, far enough for Levi to let go of him.

He looked around.

All eyes were on him and he hated it.

Hated how he couldn't seem to control himself, hated how he seemed to be the only one questioning what a stranger had decided.

The tornado that had raged in him grew smaller, smaller, smaller, ebbed away until his chest was strangely empty.

“ Eren...” Furlan started from behind him but he shook his head, needing nothing more than to be away from everyone.

And so he ran.

Shot his hooks into the nearest wall and let himself be carried away, not caring if more soldiers would come after him.

He would welcome the fight.

He had the feeling of being aimless and yet ended up where he knew every nook and cranny, in front of their little house that they had left that morning.

He had intended to just drop off his gear and then disappear somewhere where hopefully no one would find him too quickly.

But then, after the weight of the equipment was gone and he was about to leave, his gaze fell through the open door into their bedroom.

Got stuck on the white blanket that Levi had purchased a while ago.

He stopped in his tracks and let his eyes rest on it.

Soft and warm and safe in the night, memory upon memory made under its warmth, something like a home they had built together and suddenly he thought he was going to burst inside.

Most of them didn't come back.

Levi's voice an echo in his head.

Most of them didn't come back and he wouldn't be there to stop it from happening.

Levi was everything and Eren would not be there.

There was nothing he could do without making things worse for all of them.

He wouldn't be there.

For the first time, he found it in himself to regret wanting to leave the Underground.

Found himself regretting trying to reach higher than he was supposed to.

Tears fell before he even realized that he wanted to cry.

Warm and hot, bringing the despair raging inside him to the surface without any relief.

It was a quiet crying.

No sobbing, no coughing, no hard swallowing. Only the quivering of his lip and the blur in front of his eyes as he tried to breathe.

He would be alone again.

Levi would -

Steps.

The opening of the door.

Eren said nothing, just stood in the middle of the room and hung his head as tear after tear dripped from his cheeks.

Sounds he knew so well around him.

The door falling shut, the opening of metal anchors, the gear on the floor, light steps approaching him.

A presence close to him.

More silence.

" I can fight." Eren pressed out, no confidence in himself and what would happen if he looked at Levi now.

" I know."

“ As good, if not better than Furlan.”

“ No one questions that.”

" Why can't I join then?”

Worse.

“ Why do you not want me to join? Why did you agree without trying?”

Distance between them, that Eren wanted to be bridged but didn't know how to.

There was no use in doing so anyway.

The distance would grow, no matter what he did.

Very few came back.

Eren's breath became uneven as more tears joined the others.

“ Why can't I go when I can fight just as well as you?”

He couldn't stop crying.

It came over him, wave after wave, tears overflowing through the cracks that fear and pain had broken open.

It hurt.

“ How can you agree? Just like that?”

Only a few…

“ What am I supposed to do without you?”

This time, a sob broke out of him but before he could lose himself in it a hand on his collar startled him into lifting his head.

“ You little shithead.”

Levi rubbed his fingers over Eren's face, a deep scowl edged on his face.

“ I swear to the shoe I'll bury in your ass if you keep crying like that I'll give you something to really cry about. I will and we all know, you hear me?”

He pulled his sleeve over his hand and got back to wiping the tears with more force, the material rough on Eren's skin.

“ Trying to water the fucking non - existing plants we don't own?”

And it was so very Levi.

“ Want to watch me pushing a cactus down your throat? Trust me I will. All the way down so you'll shit needles for a month.”

So much like him.

“ Making a goddamn scene out there when even Is, that eternal pain in my ass, got her shit together. I want to fucking kick you in the dick so hard you can suck it yourself.”

Levi's twisted way of taking care of him.

The wrong words at the wrong time, too harsh and too sharp and yet right, and so perfect that laughter slowly spread through Eren's chest until it was released from his throat, first softly, then louder and louder, and soon he no longer knew whether he was crying or laughing.

" Oi.", Levi stopped and looked at him, frowning. " Brat, I swear if you do not get your shi-"

Eren wrapped his arms around Levi, his smaller body the perfect size for his embrace as if he had been made for Eren.

As if Eren had been the one made for him.

He buried his face in black strands of hair, held on maybe too close, maybe too tight but couldn't bring himself to let go.

He feared he would simply drown if he did.

" You're the biggest asshole I've ever met.” he whispered.

His shoulders kept shaking for a moment longer, then the laughter slowly died away, just like the tears stopped.

He felt strangely empty and light-headed.

" Talk to me, brat." Levi said a few moments later, this time more gentle, with a certain roughness in his voice that had not been there before.

His hand was a soft weight on Eren's lower back, his fingers holding on to his shirt.

"Why did you agree so easily?"

Levi had this special smell about him.

It wasn't the soap he always showered with, but his own scent.

Better and more addictive than any perfume.

" I was watching you.”, Eren tightened his hold. “ I heard everything. Lovof, how we're supposed to join the Corps. But then he leaned over to you and said something. And you suddenly slumped down."

A little closer.

Just a bit, if possible.

“ It was then. He told you about separating us.”

He felt how Levi nodded.

“ Why did you agree right away?”

Levi's hands held on tighter to his shirt.

" Because he was right with what he said."

"What did he say?"

There was no response and for a terrible second Eren didn't think he would get an answer when Levi pushed him off with gentle force, far enough to take his hand.

“ Come.”

He led Eren to the table, where he sat him on a chair.

The pull around his mouth hardened as he looked at Eren's face from where he was standing in front of him.

“ Puffed up like one of those disgusting quark pockets we used to steal.”

He kept muttering under his breath while wiping more tear streaks away.

" A goddamn pain in my ass, just like Isabel, that's what you are."

Another wipe.

" You fucking moron."

Another wipe.

" Crying like a damn baby who didn't get to suck on some nipple you damn…", the movements slowed down and came to a halt. " Fuck."

Levi tilted his head slightly as he met Eren's questioning gaze, the frown adorning his forehead slowly smoothing out.

" Fuck…" he repeated more softly and then raised his hand to slowly stroke it through Eren's hair only to let it rest briefly on the back of his neck, all the while showing a softness in his eyes that Eren could barely remember ever seeing in them.

Levi crouched down in front of him and took his hands in his.

“ Listen, brat.”

His fingers were covered with calluses from years of carrying his knife.

Eren slowly let his fingertips wander over the rough spots.

“ I know that everything has gone into goddamn chaos since the arrival of Knight Eyebrow.”

His tongue slipped out of his mouth to quickly brush over the lips that Eren had kissed so often.

“ And trust me when I tell you that I would have kicked his ugly head into oblivion if he didn't hold our fucking life's in his hand.”

He exhaled slowly.

“ But it is what it is, and if there's one thing I've learned down here, it's that you have to adapt quickly to situations to get what you want. And what I want is still being able to live on the surface and if that means I will have to follow Erwin Smith, then I will."

“ But… why can't I-” Eren started, agitation roaring his head again but Levi squeezing his hand shut him up successfully.

“ It's not that hard to understand, brat, even for you knucklehead.”, Levi reached out and faintly stroked his cheek. “ You're not joining because I'd lose my fucking shit if you were out there with me.”

Eren's breath caught in his throat.

" I would lose focus on what the Corps want me to do. What Smith wants me to do for us to finally gain citizenship."

" That's-"

"It's the truth Eren. It's the fucking truth that I can't change. I know how well you fight and I know you'd be able to hold yourself out there. No one questions that. I trust your skills but I don't trust in myself when it's about you. I would put other soldiers, Furlan and Isabel, myself, every fucking thing between here and Maria in danger if it meant saving and protecting you and I know that as much as Erwin did after two minutes with us.”

He shook his head.

“And that can't happen."

Eren's heart thumped heavily in his chest.

“ With you gone I'll be able to fight. I'll be able to protect Furlan the way I should. Bring him back to Isabel. Make that difference Erwin keeps talking about.”

He was silent for a moment before continuing.

“ And that is why I agreed right away, without second-guessing when Erwin told me you wouldn't. Because it is what I want. Because you're so much more important than you'll ever know.”

There was no shame in his words, no restraint.

He didn't break eye contact.

It was the truth, plain and simple.

Levi's love was intense and all-consuming and perfect and Eren wasn't worth it.

Had never been and never would be.

Again, he felt close to crying.

" You're both selfish. Him and you." he said in a weak voice.

“ I know.”

“ You'll let me carry this burden just to lighten yours.”

" Yes.”, Levi replied calmly. “ But you'll be alive to remind me over and over again how much of an asshole I am."

“ You always do that.”

“ What?”

“ Putting me over yourself.”

Tears dripped onto their hands and Levi clicked his tongue as he wiped over Eren's face another time.

“ Where the hell does all that water come from? If I had known that you leak like a broken hose, I could have saved the money for the pipes in the bathroom.”

“ What about you?" asked Eren in a tear-stained voice.

" What about me?"

“ You said -”, Eren swallowed heavily.“ - you said yourself that most of them don't come back. What... what am I supposed to do when...?”

He could not finish the sentence and stopped abruptly.

“ Eren.” Levi began slowly.

He nodded at their intertwined hands.

" My hands. When you look at them, what do you see?"

He saw that Levi's hand fit in his as if it was supposed to be there, a perfect match. Tan and pale, the transitions between then soft.

" They're soft."

Levi shook his head.

" These hands, my hands. They're made for killing."

" They're not."

Levi's hands were warm on cold winter days and gentle when they moved through his hair. They made pain better and took away fear.

They protected.

“ For you, yes, because they would never hurt you. But the truth is, they're made for inflicting pain on others. That's what they do well."

His gaze broke away from Eren's face and wandered to their hands.

“ There were times when I hated them.”

Levi rarely spoke openly about what was going on inside him.

He didn't have to.

Everything he did spoke volumes to Eren.

How he couldn't sleep at night told whole stories.

The scars on his body, a map to read,

The way he scraped off his skin sang whole melodies.

“ But every coin has two sides. And if those hands are made for killing then I'll embrace that fact and use it to crush every fucking Titan that gets in my way.”

His voice was full of conviction and his gaze, when he raised it again to look at Eren, was firm.

“ I don't want to die. It's the last thing I want to do.”

He raised Eren's hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles.

“ I want to have a boring as fuck life in a house somewhere in Rose, maybe Sina. I want that shitty dirty dog you will bring home even though I'll tell you not to. I want Furlan and Isabel to own some fucking restaurant.”

Another kiss.

“ I want to live. And there is not fucking thing out there, that can keep me from that. I'll rip anything apart that tries to get in my way. Do you understand?”

He stood up, let go of Eren's hands only to cup his face.

“ Do you understand?” he repeated, not the slightest spark of uncertainty in the gray of his eyes.

And Eren believed in every syllable because Levi always spoke the truth.

He did not lie to make things better, he didn't deceive to keep the pain away.

He did not talk around the truth to make parting easier.

Eren had often hated that. Sometimes the truth was hard to bear. It created anger and hurt.

Sometimes life was easier when he simply hid from facts.

Now he couldn't be grateful enough for it, because not for a moment did he have to question Levi.

He spoke the truth.

And even though fear was like a stone in his stomach and the future seemed bleaker than ever, Eren believed him and drew some confidence from it.

“ Alright.”

It would hurt but he trusted Levi.

Too much but he couldn't find it in himself to care.

“ Alright what?”, Levi continued to press on. “ I need you to say it.”

Eren nodded, swallowing hard against the lump in his throat. “ You'll fuck up everything in your way. So you can come back to me. So Furlan comes back.”

“ Good.”

He could see the movement of Levi's Adam's apple as the other swallowed heavily.

For a moment, he seemed to be overcome by something, but the moment passed quickly.

“ Good.”, he simply repeated, quieter this time.

His hand wrapped around the back of Eren's head and pulled him closer, meeting him in a kiss.

Much needed.

Overdue.

" Do you think Isabel is making a fuss right now?" Eren asked.

“ Oh, Furlan is most definitely having the time of his day.”

Another kiss.

“ She just pulled herself together quickly because another someone needed all the attention. Back in their own four walls she'll unleash the dragon."

Eren smiled slightly at the images in his head.

“ Will Furlan be okay alone with you?”

“ Of course he will. Without Isabel, it will be less of a burden for him as well. And the rest, I will make sure of.”

This time it was Eren who pressed their lips together.

“ Two years?”

“ Two years.”

“ I will see you?”

Levi scoffed. " Eyebrow gave me his word and he better keeps it.“

“ I hate him.”

“ He's not my favorite person either," Levi brushed a strand of hair behind Eren's ear. “ But he does seem to carry some values with him."

" I don't trust him."

" Didn't say I did."

Eren kissed him deeper this time, hand on the back of his head to pull him in closer.

They separated.

Eren's lips lifted in a slight smile, even though he still felt like crying.

He leaned forward far enough to rest his forehead against Levi's.

“ I love you.”

Things weren't fine.

Levi scoffed. “ Sap.”

“ Asshole.”

Far from it.

“ Shit on a stick.”

But they were as good as they could be.

“ Come.” Levi straightened up and held his hand out to him.

Eren looked at him in question.

"Where to?”

“ We're going to start with those reading classes of yours. Gonna need to read the letters I'll send you.”

And Eren just looked at him, never having loved him more than at that moment. 

And he made a decision, that second when he took Levi's hand and got up from the chair. 

If Eren could lighten Levi's burden this way, then he would carry it for him, without fail.

* * *

2.

Levi quietly closed the front door behind him.

" What are you doing here?"

Furlan looked over his shoulder from where he sat on the doorstep.

" Couldn't sleep."

" That makes two of us."

" Eren is asleep?"

“ Fucking finally.”, Levi sank down beside him on the step and sighed deeply as he stroked a hand through his hair. " Restless all evening as if he had ants up his ass."

Furlan slowly pulled on the cigarette he had lit and blew the smoke into the air. " Isabel broke a few plates and cups on the wall until I managed to calm her down."

" I expected no less."

Levi propped his elbows on his knees and stared at the street.

Several minutes passed like this, the silence broken only now and then by the barking of dogs or a voice in the distance.

“ I'm sorry.” Levi then said softly.

Furlan looked at him from the side with raised brows. " The end must be near."

" Why?"

" Levi is apologizing."

Levi scoffed and looked in the other direction. “ It's not gonna happen again so remember the day.”

Furlan chuckled softly. “ Care to explain what you're apologizing for though?”

“ For you having to join the Corps.”

“ I can't remember this being your fault.”

“ Still.”

Furlan elbowed him softly. “ We were unlucky but it would have been prison if you hadn't accepted. So we actually got off easy.”

He took another drag and then held out the cigarette to Levi.

"You want to try?"

“ Take that shit stain away from me.”

Furlan shrugged and let the hand with the cigarette hang over his knee. “ Then not.”

Noise from a close alley.

When Levi looked up, he saw a cat running away.

“ I'm glad about the way things worked out.", Furlan said slowly after another while. "I'm glad Isabel and Eren are staying behind."

Levi's chest tightened painfully.

He agreed but seeing Eren cry like that over the decision had almost broken something inside of him.

Furlan leaned on his hands and looked at Levi with a narrow smile. “ You'll save my sorry ass from the titans, won't you?”

“ To save my ass from Isabel's wrath, I will.”

“ Good.”, Furlan replied softly. “ Perfect.”

He pushed the cigarette from one corner of his mouth to the other.

" I cannot say that I am completely without fear."

He took one last drag from his cigarette and then stubbed it out on the ground.

“ Still, after all - “, he took a step away from the house. “- I'm damn much looking forward to seeing the surface.”

Levi found himself smiling at that. “ Me, too.”

It was the truth.

" Erwin wants us at the entrance at sunrise?"

" Hm."

" He'll hunt us down with double the number of soldiers if we're not showing up?"

Levi nodded.

" I expected that much."

He pushed his hands in the pockets of his pants.

“ We'll be ready.”

Another smile and a short wave and he set off on his way home.

Levi remained sitting on the stair for a moment longer.

He took in the sounds around him, the smell, the darkness, before he too got up and slowly walked back into the house to join Eren for what hopefully would be a few much needed hours of sleep.

He stopped next to their bed.

It had taken a while for Eren to fall into a deep sleep.

He had woken up, again and again, had asked more questions, had moved closer to Levi every time they drifted apart the slightest.

Levi had let him, needing the closeness just as much, if not more.

He followed the lines of Eren's body under the blanket, let his gaze rest on the hands that lay beside his face on the pillow, and he felt a sudden surge of aching love shoot through his chest.

If someone had told him years ago how much he would feel for one person, he would have laughed at them, if not done worse.

But now that it truly felt it, knew that it existed, he couldn't help but believe that this had been nothing short of being fated.

He had been made for many things, and the one, the best thing, had always been Eren.

He sank onto the mattress, next to a tangle of blankets and limbs, his eyes lingering on brown strands of hair that framed beautiful features.

The thought of not being able to see him every day tore a hole in his chest, wide and deep.

For a brief moment, the breath caught in Levi's throat gave him a sense of what it must mean to suffocate.

He was scared.

Not for himself but for Eren.

He knew the world down here, knew how life worked.

Up there, everything was foreign, something he longed for and yet feared because of its unpredictability.

Leaving Eren alone in a world he didn't yet know how to deal with.

He swallowed hard, stroked his hair with a slightly shaking hand, kept himself from ramming his fingernails into his skin as the irrepressible desire to wash arose.

Today he did not give in to it.

Eren would wake up.

Levi would lose precious minutes in which he could hold him.

So he lay down on the mattress.

Gently slid up against Eren's back.

Levi paused briefly, listening for the slightest changes in his breathing, and only put one arm around him as he slept on evenly.

It helped a little.

Eren was warm next to him, his heart a soothing rhythm under Levi's hand which slowly calmed him.

Warm and alive.

Isabel would be there so he wasn't alone.

He was strong.

Nothing could defeat him, even if the younger himself didn't always believe in it.

Nothing.

Levi moved closer and buried his face in Eren's hair.

He stirred but didn't wake up.

Levi took another deep breath, let Eren's familiar scent engulf him and closed his eyes in hope of finding some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And for now we're done with the heavier angst and will have some fun. 
> 
> I know many wanted Levi and Eren to stay together but in order to somehow put the original story and mine together, they have to be separated. I'm no sucker for long distance though ( have to do it myself at the moment) so do not worry for those two.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for all your comments and kudos and views! All of them are so much appreciated and make my day! I hope you do enjoy this chapter as well!

1.

Eren kept nodding off briefly where he was sitting next to Levi on the ground, leaning against his legs.

His eyes fell shut and his head slowly slumped forward, his chin almost touching his chest when he eventually jerked back up only to continue the circle.

Levi had been watching him with a raised eyebrow from his perch on a rock for the last few minutes, but as amusing as it was couldn't watch the tragedy any longer at some point and pulled him closer to hold him in place with one arm around his neck.

Woken by the touch, Eren opened his heavy lids halfway to cast a questioning glance up at Levi, but he just shook his head and patted his cheek.

" Go back to sleep."

Even if he hadn't said anything, sleeping more would have been exactly what Eren would have done.

The night before had simply been too short.

Levi took his eyes off him.

They had arrived at the meeting point, an inconspicuous passage in the rock face which was a few minutes walk from town, a little before sunrise.

Stairs, difficult to recognize in the yawning darkness, led to the top.

There weren't many who used the passage. Military policemen were stationed at the top around the clock to guard the entrance and only those with enough money were able to bribe them.

In the past, Levi had played with the thought of bribing them himself, but over the years he had become too notorious for the soldiers to simply let him go if they finally got their hands on him.

"Are they coming soon?" asked Isabel next to him. She had spotted a small stone on the floor, which she lazily pushed around with the tip of her shoe.

" It can't be too long anymore.", Furlan said from where he was standing next to her and glanced briefly at his wristwatch. " It should be sunrise by now.”

Isabel puffed out her cheeks. "They're not going to forget about us, are they?"

" Eager to get out of here?" Furlan asked with a smile and Isabel nodded.

" A lot.”, her face darkened. " Even though I'm not entirely happy with everything that awaits us."

She spoke from Levi's soul.

His gaze wandered back to the entrance.

Or was it more of an exit?

Something like excitement had crept into him since they had arrived.

Excitement and the warmest brush of anticipation.

Born in the trash and dying there, that was what people said down here.

But not them.

They wouldn't.

They wouldn't after all.

Eren shifted slightly as the fingers running through his hair became a bit too rough and Levi quickly softened his touch.

" They will come.", he said then. " Soon enough."

A stone pressed uncomfortably into his back and he slid a little to the side.

He looked back down at Eren.

Yes.

They would come soon enough.

A small stab in the anticipation.

A second.

Holes that grew larger and joined together to form a crack.

During the night, he had more or less come to terms with the fact that they would soon be separated.

That didn't mean that the thought had become any easier to bear.

Eren had been calmer in the morning, and Levi was grateful for it. His crying was something he found difficult to bear.

He had been calmer, but also terribly clingy from the minute he had opened his eyes. Levi had barely made it to the bathroom without having to carry the other with him.

He himself had been no better.

As if Eren was a magnet pulling him in, Levi's hands had kept wandering to him.

His back as they brushed their teeth next to each other, his hair as they sat on the bed and looked through their bags.

His lips had found him next to the kitchen sink, at the table, when they finally closed the door behind them for the last time and halfway down the street.

All just to have a little more of him.

Just a bit more.

Erwin had told them no more than the meeting place and time.

It could well be that he would separate them from each other in a moment.

It could well be that these were the last minutes they spent together for a while when it had been every day for the past years.

Just a bit more.

A bit longer.

Levi first heard the sounds sometime later.

Heavy footsteps on the stairs and soft voices. The faint glow of torches that slowly grew brighter.

He gently flicked against Eren's ear.

" Get up."

Eren blinked sleepily, seemed to be out of it for a few seconds, but then ran a hand through his hair and stood up.

Erwin Smith stepped into view first, followed by four soldiers Levi didn't recognize.

" I see you are on time."

Erwin pushed his green hood off his head and approached them.

Levi felt Eren tense at his side, uttering a barely audible curse but otherwise remaining silent.

" There are a few things I would like to discuss with you before we head upstairs."

Erwin looked at his soldiers and nodded wordlessly to the entrance. Two of them immediately went and positioned themselves there.

" We will meet members of the military police on our way out of here.". Erwin began. " I assume that someone will have alerted some of them on behalf of Lovof that you are joining the Survey Corps under a pretext. Therefore they will not suspect anything and let you go with us without any problems. We'll leave the city as soon as we can and head south to Wall Rose and our headquarters."

“ Them?” Levi asked calmly with a nod to Eren and Isabel.

He couldn't care less where Corps headquarters was located. For all that he cared it could be in the fat ass of one of the nobles in the palace.

“ Shiganshina.”

"Shiganshina?" Furlan interjected. " All the way south?"

" It is far enough away from the area of influence of the military police should it come to retaliation being sought against you. No one would expect you there so it is safer than keeping them in headquarters when we're outside the Walls. Plus, it's only a day's ride from our headquarters, which benefits all of you.”

He pointed to a blonde female soldier next to him who nodded her head in greeting. “ Nanaba is a skilled soldier and a trusted ally of mine. She will accompany you to Shiganshina, help you settle in, and stay with you for an indefinite period. A former soldier will host you at their home."

“ Why does she have to stay? ” Eren spit out. “ Think we'll run as soon as you turn your back on us? Not as long as Levi and Furlan are soldiers.”

“ Never.” Isabel added.

Erwin directed his attention to him. " It's for your own protection."

Eren averted his eyes, obviously tense to the point of bursting and out for a fight Levi didn't have the nerve for.

He tapped the younger in the side with his elbow.

' Keep it down'

" We will travel about half the way together, which will take us until tomorrow. After that, we will separate."

Levi couldn't help but inwardly breathe a sigh of relief.

“ You will spend the first months training. I know you've already mastered the use of the gear perfectly, but there's more to fighting Titans than that, and I will not send you into the field without proper preparation. Like all soldiers, each month you'll get two days off and you'll be allowed to use that time to see each other."

One month.

Four weeks.

28 days.

That was manageable.

It had to be.

He glanced briefly over his shoulder at Eren, who looked at him at the same moment.

He seemed less tense as the corners of his mouth lifted the slightest bit.

Yes, it was doable.

“ I would like to express once again that my primary goal was and is to assemble a group of soldiers with whom successful expeditions into Titan territory can be accomplished. I know the circumstances are not what you expected, but I take your participation in this seriously. I do intend to keep my promise of giving you citizenship after our agreement is over."

He looked at all four in turn.

" Are there any questions left?”

God, if he didn't pull the stick out of his ass soon then Levi would lay a hand on him.

Levi nodded toward the entrance.

“ Just lead the way out of here.”

Erwin nodded. " Good. Then follow us."

The soldiers turned to the stairs and Levi bent down for his backpack on the ground.

Like the other three, he had packed only what was necessary and strapped the main body of his gear to the bottom of his backpack.

They would probably get new equipment, but he hadn't been able to bring himself to leave his own behind.

Eren slung his luggage on his back, but then stayed put, looking indecisive.

Levi stepped toward him. " Everything alright?"

" Yes... yes. It's all good.", he scratched his head. " It's just weird."

" What?"

" Going away."

Levi looked over at the houses in the distance that had been their home for far too long.

"Don't tell me you're going to miss this shit hole?"

" No. Not that.", Eren grabbed the straps of his backpack as if he needed something to hold on to. "It's just... Everything. Our house. Our bed..."

He shrugged.

“ Mom.”

His voice turning quieter.

And Levi understood him.

Understood him all too well.

Still, he simply put a hand on Eren's back and gently pushed him forward without further ado.

Dragging everything out any longer would not help them.

“ It's all memories.”

Step by step closer to the entrance.

“ The bad ones you have to carry, and the good ones you want to keep with you. But no matter what, forced to or not, you take them wherever you go. So don't worry. It's just a place. You won't leave anything important here.”

Eren looked to him, green eyes unfathomable, teeth bored into his lower lip, and then nodded.

" Okay."

Then a smile.

" Let's go."

“ Yes.”, Levi took his hand and squeezed it. “ Let's go.”

" Are you coming?" Isabel called over from the entrance, pulling them back from whatever place they had gone to.

And without another glance behind, they went to the stairs and went up.

The climb took longer than expected.

The stairs wound up minute by minute and in the darkness, they were able to see only thanks to the torches the soldiers in front of them were holding.

The steps were odd and uneven in height, and Isabel almost sailed back to where she had come from twice if Eren and Furlan hadn't saved her the last second.

Levi could not be sure how long they had been walking. Everyone was silent by now and not even Isabel tried to break the silence.

Then.

The reddish fire of the torches was slowly replaced by a brighter light.

Brighter and brighter.

Soon, the torches weren't needed anymore.

Other voices joining into the silence that had covered them.

Footsteps, clanking.

The soldiers that disappeared from his sight, then Isabel and Furlan, Eren after that.

Levi was the last to reach the exit.

A few more stairs.

Another passageway.

Soft pink that faded into bright blue above him.

The sky.

For a moment, Levi was blinded and had to turn away when pain rushed through his eyes.

His nose picked up the smells around him.

Something that smelled suspiciously like food.

Hay.

Freshness.

He slowly inhaled the air, took his hand away from his eyes, found his gaze drawn back to the sky above him.

Levi had seen many things.

There was little that could still shock him, but the vastness, that opened up in front of him did just that in a matter of a moment.

They hadn't lied when they told him about it, those that had visited the surface.

He swallowed hard, his throat suddenly too tight.

The world.

It had truly been this far and wide after all.

While they were locked up, this infinite expanse had existed just over their heads and they hadn't known.

He almost fell backward when someone bumped into him.

Arms around him.

Warmth.

Hair tickling his neck.

A soft laugh against his ear.

Happy.

So so happy.

"It's as blue as they said.”, Eren said softly. "And the air smells as good as they described."

Levi softened in his embrace, leaning against him more than necessary.

Yes.

Yes, everything had been the truth.

Levi held him by the upper arms and pushed him away.

Not too far.

Just enough to be able to see his face.

He wanted to know how much he really shone in the light.

Wanted to see if the sun really made him even more beautiful, as he had always imagined.

" The world is so big, Levi."

He held onto Eren's arms a little tighter, let his gaze slowly wander over his features. Took time to burn the sight into his memory.

“ It's so beautiful.”

Yes.

He had been right.

If Eren had been the sun before, he would burn him now and Levi would gladly let him.

He smiled and stroked a strand of hair behind Eren's ear. " Yes, it is."

"Levi!" screamed Isabel and suddenly he had a second person hanging on him.

" Do you smell that?! Because I don't! I don't smell anything! Oh my god! And do you hear the birds singing?"

She grabbed a laughing Eren and spun him around.

" Is." Furlan called out to her but didn't really try to get her to stop in any way.

Levi couldn't blame him.

He would let her scream as much as she wanted, at least for a little while.

“ Ts.” the snide sound loud, from somewhere to the side of him.

Only now did Levi begin to take a closer look at his immediate surroundings.

The stairway had released them into the heart of Stohess or so it seemed. An asphalt square, a huge fence around it, a bunch of military policemen with weapons on their backs spread over the fenced-in area.

Behind the wooden wall, Levi could make out the roofs of houses.

A huge, closed gate.

Levi's hand automatically moved to his knife.

Within seconds, he laid out a strategy, had figured out where best to attack to inflict as much damage as possible for a quick escape.

The green capes of the Survey Corps came into his view.

His hand stopped.

They didn't seem tense, calmly waiting for them a few steps away.

Right.

They were allowed up here.

There was no immediate danger.

“ Look at them.”, the voice from earlier again. " The cockroaches come outside for a little sunlight."

He didn't speak too loudly, but Levi had heard him anyway.

It was one of the soldiers who guarded the place, close to him on one side of the square.

His gaze was snide as it rested on Eren and Isabel. Now he drove an elbow into another soldier's side and said something, followed by a dirty laugh.

Levi had seen him underground a few times before, and he had escaped him just as often with ease.

His hand released his knife as he looked at the man.

If he remembered correctly, he had once had the man under his blade, crying and begging for his life.

A moment later, the man turned to him, not seeming to recognize him at first.

Levi continued to take him in, letting his eyes narrow a bit as he memorized every facial feature, every movement, every single hair on his damn body.

The man's eyes widened.

Good.

He had finally been recognized.

Levi continued to stare, his face the apathetic mask he knew terrified people.

Cockroaches?

He should be grateful for finally being able to breathe the same air as Eren.

He should be grateful that Levi _let_ him do so.

A few wobbly steps further away from him, shaky fingers loosening a collar. A quick turn and he hurried past the other soldiers over to the gate.

Levi scoffed, but then couldn't help the smirk that appeared on his lips.

Down there or up here, making them piss their pants worked everywhere.

“ Levi?”, Eren asked with a slightly tilted head. "What are you doing?"

" Nothing."

Before Eren could probe further Erwin approached them.

" If you will follow me now."

Nothing would have pleased Levi more.

He took another dark look around, made sure to meet as many eyes as possible, and then followed the group through the opening gate.

It was, to say the least, overwhelming what came next.

Not the houses.

Levi had expected them to be built a lot nicer and safer than underground.

He had expected the flowers in front of the windows and the curtains behind them.

He had expected restaurants and street lamps that had not been destroyed.

He had expected wealth, and yet it filled him with a sudden surge of anger when his gaze fell through a window and he saw this enormous ham just lying there.

Beautifully framed in goddamn fake flowers.

Underground they had nothing to eat on bad days, and up here there were whole pig halves on display, for a price that was laughable.

"Woah.", Isabel stopped next to him and he thought he could hear the water collecting in her mouth. "That's a big ham."

Furlan stepped next to them. " A huge ham."

Hands on his shoulders and Eren's voice next to his head.

" An exorbitantly large ham."

Isabel touched the window with her hands and leaned closer. " How long would we have lasted with that thing?"

Levi felt disgusted when he thought of the smears she would surely leave on the window.

Eren seemed to notice and squeezed his shoulders in a reassuring manner.

" Until next year." he then said.

Furlan sighed. " I feel bad when I see this ham, but-"

"- but I really, really want to eat it, too." Eren finished the sentence and Isabel nodded in agreement.

"Would you follow us?"

It was Erwin again who called them.

Levi wordlessly urged the three to go, but took a quick glance over his shoulder at the store's display before they disappeared around the corner.

It was unfair what the world gave to some and took away from others, and it had never been more obvious to Levi than during his first minutes on the surface.

But they were now a part of this world, whether said world wanted it or not and Levi would do everything to keep it that way.

He would do everything possible for them to get their share of it.

* * *

2.

Isabel's shouts and Eren's laughter echoed through the night.

Their group had stopped for some rest when evening had fallen over them and had set up camp by a slow-moving river.

It hadn't even taken ten minutes for Eren and Isabel to plunge into the cool wet and start to start a full-blown water war.

Levi watched as Eren bent down and splashed a load of water on Isabel's face.

She shrieked, slipped, and fell into the water with a loud splash.

Furlan, who had made himself comfortable on the riverside shook his head at their antics, but other than that kept a safe distance.

Levi took another sip of water and swallowed it slowly.

Fuck, even the water tasted different up here.

He continued to drink and looked back into the campfire that the soldiers had lit for the night. A pot hung over it, with faint smoke coming out of it. Soon, there would be something to eat for them.

The horses were grazing on the ground some distance away, and soft voices told Levi about the locations of the soldiers around him.

To Isabel's great displeasure, the soldiers had loaded them onto a wagon back in Stohess to transport them out of the city. She would have loved to have her own horse to ride.

Eren and Isabel had hardly been able to control themselves on the trip. They had talked without pause, showed Levi things he could see himself without them jerking his head forcefully in all directions.

His upper arm was probably blue, as often as Eren had hit him to draw his attention to something he had seen on the way.

The clouds in the sky, the birds over their heads. Rivers in the distance, small farmhouses.

' Yes, Eren. I saw the goddamn dog shitting in the fucking street. Thanks for telling me.'

Levi couldn't find it in himself to be truly annoyed about it though.

It was okay and more than welcome.

It was good because they had earned it so much.

It took the thoughts away from other things.

Levi looked over at Eren again. His hair was a mess and his wet shirt clung to his body.

It had been breathtaking to see him in daylight.

The green of his eyes even brighter than usual, golden reflections in his hair, his skin warm and soft under the sun.

It had blinded Levi, more than the light that had painfully pierced his eyes in the morning.

Blinding without any pain, only accompanied by a sense of certainty.

That it had always been here, where Eren belonged to.

The only thing Levi regretted was that he hadn't been able to bring him here sooner and that feeling would probably stay with him for a while.

Someone joined him at the fire and sat down on the opposite side of it.

" They are a lively bunch." Erwin said with a glance at the three in the water.

A wet Isabel had grabbed Furlan and pulled him into the river.

Levi said nothing but drank another sip before placing his empty cup on the ground next to him.

Erwin had kept a low profile for most of the day.

He had been a constant presence around them, sometimes riding next to and sometimes in front of the wagon, but had only addressed them with a few words and otherwise had spoken to his soldiers.

Levi had been glad of that because it had given him time to think.

He had yet to figure out what to make out of the man.

A strange sensation washed over him, every time the Captain was close to him.

It was not the tense feeling that befell him before someone attacked him. The instinct that told him that danger was imminent.

But it was not serenity either.

Parts of Erwin, parts of his thought processes and his motivation remained unclear to Levi and that didn't sit well with him.

He had to understand his counterpart one hundred percent to be prepared for anything.

"Will you tell me where you learned to use the gear?" asked Erwin, bringing Levi out of his thoughts.

" Why?"

" I have rarely seen anyone who can use it as well as you can."

Erwin had yet to take his gaze from the flames.

“ It is fascinating.”

Levi scoffed. " Busting a nut over me?"

“ It's a mere observation."

Levi saved himself a reply and leaned on his hands to look up at the sky.

Shit, even the stars were beautiful up here. If he would reach out for them he might be able to catch one.

He scoffed internally.

Stupid.

" There are stories going around about you."

Levi sighed deeply and directed his gaze back to the other man.

" You're quite talkative in the evening."

Erwin eyed him over the flames.

" They say you were raised by Kenny the Ripper."

Levi almost chuckled darkly at that.

Almost.

" Kenny the Ripper?”, he asked calmly instead. “ I didn't expect you to be into urban legends."

" He's too well known in every branch of the military to be considered an urban legend."

" I guess every story has some truth to it.”

" Is that a yes to my question?"

The flames jumped to another piece of wood and rose a little higher.

" And what if that were the case?"

" I'm simply asking out of curiosity."

Levi had the feeling that the man was never asking anything out of mere curiosity.

A loud splash briefly caught his attention.

Now it was Eren who had landed in the water.

“ Trying to figure out if I'd be able to gut you in your sleep?”

" I do believe your ultimate goal is too important for you to risk getting it by hurting me.”

“ True.”, Levi admitted without taking his eyes off the river. “ But even if I would threaten you, you don't seem like someone who would let that hold you back. Even without me, you have a whole shitload of eyes on you. They very much would like you gone but you still keep going.”

Lovof's agent hadn't had to tell Levi directly, but he had revealed enough for Levi to know that it would be welcomed by the man who had send him if not just the documents but Erwin Smith himself would disappear.

" Not everyone behind the Walls supports the work of those who venture outside them."

The reluctance to leave the walls was something Levi could understand.

It was peaceful.

Levi couldn't describe it any better.

The sun had been warm on his face, the wind pleasant.

They had seen farms, children in the meadows. He had fallen asleep for a short time and when he had opened his eyes he did so to white clouds above him.

So peaceful.

" Why would you want to leave this voluntarily?"

Their eyes met across the flames.

" This?"

Levi waved his hand through the air in a lazy motion. " Why the hell are you voluntarily going outside when you can fuck, shit, and sleep all day in peace? Why does your group even exist?"

" A cage remains a cage. No matter the interior. You should understand that.”

“ There are different kinds of cages. Some better, some worse."

Erwin stood up and patted the dust off his pants before turning to leave.

“ Better or worse, they should all be broken.”, he then said, eyes on the three in the river. " You'll understand when this cage grows too small for him.”

Remembering the way Eren's eyes had lit up while talking about going outside the Walls, Levi could only hope that the day wouldn't come.

* * *

3.

The surface was a jumble of colors and smells, warmth on his skin and wind in his hair, and Eren loved every second of it.

He couldn't get enough of the vastness, the lush green of the grass, the small houses with flowers in front of the windows. The neighing of the horses and the sound of hooves on the ground.

As if he had died and gone straight to a heaven he hadn't know existed.

The river flowed slowly around him, sloshing cool against his calves.

He burst out laughing when Isabel fell backward into the water after another attack.

"Watch out, Eren.", Furlan said from where he was sitting in the grass. " She's about to attack you."

" She's welcome to try."

Isabel spat out a mouthful of water and glared angrily at Furlan. " Whose side are you on, anyway?"

" The dry side."

" Ah really?"

" Is..." said Furlan, raising his hands in a defensive manner, but by then she had already waded over to him and grabbed him by the arm.

" Isabel, please-"

But she was merciless and pulled him into the river before he could even think of taking off his shoes.

Eren laughed.

It was perfect.

His gaze drifted to Levi and his smile slowly grew fainter when he saw Erwin sitting close to him.

Right.

Almost perfect.

For a brief moment, he had forgotten where they were headed to.

That this man would make sure that Levi was no longer with him by tomorrow.

Erwin had left them alone for the longest part of the trip and Eren was grateful for that. Just getting a glimpse of blond hair out of the corner of his eye was enough for anger to rise in his stomach.

The captain looked at Levi from time to time.

Far too often, with an expression on his face that Eren could not interpret and it drove him crazy.

That goddamn -

One push and he landed unexpectedly on his butt, the water splashing up to his chest.

" That was much easier than I expected."

Isabel waded over to him and squatted down beside him.

"Are you okay?"

" 'Course."

He stood up as gracefully as he managed, already back to staring at the two men talking to really care about the fact that he was wet all over.

Isabel looked over his shoulders in the same direction.

" Ah. Commander Caterpillar being sneaky again.”

She stepped next to him and crossed her arms in front of her chest.

" Want me to fuck him up?"

At that, Eren couldn't help but chuckle.

"I don't think you could or should."

"Not really fucking him up all the way.”, she tilted her head and held her chin between two fingers. " Maybe a little spider in his shoe. Let's see if he'll still look that constipated."

" I think you could run your hooks up his butt and he wouldn't even blink."

" I haven't even thought about doing that yet, Eren. Great idea."

" Could you please stop talking about shooting hooks up my future captain's ass?", Furlan joined them while wringing out his wet shirt. " I have some hope left that he will not make life too difficult for us.”

Eren had the same hope and that was all that kept him from rushing over and clinging to Levi like a spiteful child.

“ Are you hungry?”

Another person had come to the riverbank.

It was Nanaba, the soldier who would accompany them to Shiganshina.

Eren had exchanged a few words with her throughout the day. She had always been polite and had smiled often, in a way that didn't seem fake.

When he thought about it more closely, all the soldiers had behaved well toward them.

" Dinner is ready if you would like to eat something."

As if on cue, Eren's stomach began to growl and Isabel's wasn't much quieter.

Nanaba smiled and pointed to the fire.

" Please."

Eren didn't have to be asked twice, now that he had an excuse to go to the fire without being labeled as a jealous toddler by Levi.

He didn't even have to hurry after all.

Before he could leave the river, Erwin rose from his seat. He stayed for another moment, said something else to Levi and then disappeared.

Fucking finally.

Eren didn't bother to put on his shoes and socks but made his way over to Levi in the quickest and at the same time most inconspicuous way possible.

He rounded the fire before dropping onto the ground next to Levi and leaning into the other's side.

" Oi, brat." Levi's deep voice sounded like soft velvet in his ear and simultaneously not one hundred percent satisfied with his current circumstances but Eren couldn't care less.

" What?" he replied, not even trying to hide his own frustration.

" You're wet."

"I know."

" Let's figure out together where my current problem lies then.”

Levi tried to push him away but Eren stubbornly pressed on until a deep sigh showed him that Levi had given up.

" Annoying shithead." the older muttered.

" Asshole."

" Asswipe."

" You're not being creative tonight."

" I'm wet. That's all I can think about."

Levi's hand running briefly through his hair though, was enough of a sign for Eren to know that it was alright for him to stay after all.

“ What'd he say to you?”

“ A whole crapload of bullshit.”

“ Sure?”

“ A hundred percent sure.”

Eren finally allowed himself to relax into Levi's side and focused on the dancing flames in front of him.

Isabel and Furlan joined them and exchanged some words with Levi while Eren watched Nanaba ladle soup from the pot.

The other soldiers were sitting somewhere a little further away in the darkness.

Maybe they would eat later.

"Eren.", Nanaba gave a bowl to him. " I hope it's good. I always try to make something edible but on the road, it's not so easy."

He sat up straighter and took the bowl from her.

" Thank you."

They had a chance to be friendly up here, Eren thought as he looked at the bits of vegetables floating in his soup.

Every day had been a struggle and now someone handed him food and apologized for the taste.

Suddenly overcome by a strange wave of emotion, he lowered his gaze.

An elbow in his side.

He looked up and met Levi's gaze.

" What's the matter?"

" Nothing."

He shook his head and let his smile take over.

" Nothing at all."

After the meal, Eren agreed to wash the dishes.

He put everything that needed to be cleaned in the designated basket and carried it over to the river where he took his time to wash everything properly.

The quiet did him good.

Brought some order to his mind.

In one moment he could have rejoiced sky-high.

The next moment he had to be careful not to fall into a deep hole.

Sometimes he caught himself hoping the next day would come a little faster so he could finally get the first dreaded step of two dreaded years behind him.

Levi joined him when he just finished rinsing the last bowl.

"Did you clean everything properly?" he asked as he stopped next to Eren.

Eren held up a bowl. " Even you would lick that thing."

" Gross."

Eren chuckled and put the bowl in the basket while Levi started to pull off his shoes.

" You want to wash before sleeping?" Eren asked when he saw the bag and towel Levi had brought on the ground.

" If you can call that washing.", he put his shoes down neatly. "I don't intend to show my dick to the soldiers so it's going to be a makeshift shower. Can't wait to use a real one again."

" It's only been a day."

" One day too many."

The campfire was close enough for them to see their surroundings, but far enough away that they couldn't be seen immediately in the dark.

Levi pulled his shirt over his head and folded it neatly before putting it on a spot of grass that looked fairly clean.

Eren rested his head on his folded arms and watched him quietly, glad for the night that surrounded them.

He was mesmerizing in the dark, just as much as he had been all day long in the sun and Eren couldn't seem to take his eyes off him.

His body steeled from years of fighting, his shoulders broad, his posture strong and proud. Every part of his body a familiar sensation for Eren's fingers.

He didn't like sharing this with others.

To be honest, he didn't like to share much that had to do with Levi with anyone.

The thought that someone else could touch him the way Eren did made his body go hot and cold in seconds.

The thought that someone other than him would brush their fingers over his scars and hear their name spoken in that voice of his.

He forbade himself to continue on this path.

" He's looking at you." he said instead.

Levi had squatted down next to the water and now paused.

" Care to explain what you mean by that?” he asked over his shoulder.

" Erwin."

Levi looked at him for a moment and then nodded. " I know."

White rage rose in Eren.

" I hate it."

“ Didn't we have the exact same conversation only a while ago?”

“ He keeps doing it.”

Levi began splashing water on his face.

" He doesn't look at me the way you think he does.", he said then, running a hand through his wet strands of hair " He's curious because he is convinced that I can help him with his cause. He's trying to figure me out. That's why he keeps looking at me.”

Levi stood up, shook a few drops of water out of his hair, and turned to Eren.

'' He doesn't want to fuck me.“

He stepped closer to Eren and squatted next to him.

" So you can get your head out of your ass."

Levi's hand in his hair wasn't gentle but at the same time soft enough not to hurt when his fingers reached into the strands of Eren's hair to pull him in.

Their lips smashed together, so much hunger and longing in the way Levi pressed his mouth to Eren's he hadn't noticed in the other's eyes.

His own hand buried itself in Levi's hair, pulling him impossibly closer, their tongues meeting with the feverish taste of desire on them and -

It was Levi who broke the kiss, as sudden as he had started it.

'' Why do you stop?“

Eren wanted to pull him on top of him, feel his body all over him, give relief to the hot sensation in his abdomen but Levi just looked at him.

'' You can not believe how much I want to fuck you right now.”

“ Then do it.“ Eren whined as he tried to kiss him another time but Levi stopped him with a hand on his chest.

'' Didn't I just say something about my dick and privacy?“

Eren groaned, pushed his arm away and caught his lips again.

“ We'll be quiet.” he muttered between two kisses, Levi's face in his hands.

'' I didn't know you're into having an audience."

“ Wanting to fuck can do that to you.”

“ Eren...”

Levi softened under his touch, his lips warm.

Eren let go of his face and let his fingers wander over his naked upper body.

Slowly, feeling the goosebumps trickling over it.

He pulled him closer, almost had him in his lap.

" Eren."

A hand around his chin.

If he just ignored it long enough...

" Stop it."

Definite.

Eren could only groan in heartfelt frustration and let his forehead sink against Levi's shoulder.

“ I'm not gonna fuck you in front of people.”

“ Tell that my desperate dick.”

Levi heartlessly chuckled into his ear.

He pressed one last kiss to Eren's temple and stood up to turn back to his bath, while Eren fell heavily onto his back and stared up at the stars, hoping that the problem in his pants would solve itself.

" Don't you want to wash up as well?"

Levi stepped next to him after a few minutes, this time holding a towel with which he dried himself.

Eren glowered at him.

“ No.”

Levi tilted his head as he looked down at him.

“ I'll rephrase this.”, the tip of his shoe in Eren's side. “ Go and wash the dust off or I'll make you regret it.“

Grumbling and cursing a time or two, Eren got up and went to the water.

It felt good, he caught himself thinking as he washed his face.

And it helped with the problem down south.

A towel fell on his head as he was about to rose from his crouch.

'' Let's try to get some sleep.”

Levi put his shirt back on while Eren dried his face.

Then they made their way back to the campfire.

It had become quiet.

Eren could see two of the soldiers standing guard, but the rest of their group had spread out over the area and seemed to be sleeping.

Levi took a blanket from his bag and spread it out on the ground a little distance away from everyone.

Eren took another one out of his own bag.

It was thin but it was a warm night and they would not need more to cover themselves with.

He laid down on his side after Levi had stretched out on their makeshift bed and pulled the blanket over them.

'' Even the damn dark is beautiful up here, isn't it?" asked Levi quietly as he looked up at the sky.

Eren couldn't fully agree with him.

The dark had always been beautiful.

' He stroked a hand through Levi's hair.

'' Tomorrow." he said.

Levi looked at him for a while without saying anything.

'' Yes." he then murmured.

There was nothing more to say.

Nothing that would have made it better except the thought that the first expedition outside the Wall was yet a few weeks away and they could see each other regularly.

Eren could hardly remember the days when Levi had not been with him.

He could hardly remember a way to fill the hole he would leave.

Had there ever been a way?

'' Eren?"

'' Hm?"

Levi slid his hand under the covers and reached for Eren's.

'' I know we have an agreement with Erwin. I know that he wants both of you laying low in Shiganshina for the time being. But -'' he lifted Eren's hand to his mouth and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. '' If something should happen, no matter what. You will not worry about the agreement. You attack first. You don't even have to ask questions later. You grab Isabel and come to me the fastest way.“

Eren playfully glared at him. '' Think I can't handle myself?"

'' I know you can handle yourself. Still-", Levi swallowed heavily. “ I just wanted you dumbfuck to know that-”

'' Levi.", Eren interrupted him with a warm laugh. '' It's all good. I'm not a baby."

“ Says the baby getting his panties twisted over Erwin Smith.“

'' That's completely different. Thank you very much."

'' Where is that something completely different? You have the maturity of a shit stain."

'' And you the size of a poodle that sits up and begs.”

'' Low blow, brat.“

'' I have to hit low to be able to hit you."

Levi snorted.

Eren let his gaze wander over his face, glad for the silence that settled over them.

'' Just take care of yourself, brat.”

His voice only a whisper in the dark.

Eren loved him so, so much.

'' You, too.“

Fate would not simply give him Levi only to take him away again, Eren was sure of that.

It could not be otherwise.

Eren scooted close enough to kiss him.

Only a chaste brush of their lips.

He didn't seem to be able to get enough that night.

The change in dark eyes from affection and warmth into something else was quick.

Eren had seen it anyway.

“ What-”

Lips on his.

“ Be quiet.”

Whispered words.

A mouth brushing over his.

Levi pressed a finger to Eren's lips while his hand hidden under the blanket disappeared in Eren's pants.

“ I'm just trying to finish what I started.”

* * *

4.

The uniform they had handed him was more comfortable than Levi had imagined and, surprisingly, fit almost perfectly.

He adjusted the last strap around his shoulder and pulled on the light brown jacket with the wing emblem on it only to finally look down at himself.

Unfamiliar, but he could get used to the softness of the material.

'' It looks good."

Isabel sat leaning against the wagon wheel, watching Furlan and him get used to the unfamiliar clothing.

'' Really good.” she repeated, with less energy than usual.

Since the city towers of Trost and the Wall had appeared in the distance, the atmosphere had become more than heavy and when they arrived at the crossroads that would take them in different directions it had only gotten worse.

The stone in Levi's stomach had developed sharp edges, which painfully drove into his organs.

He adjusted his jacket once more and then stepped over to the wagon Isabel was leaning against.

Eren was lying inside of it on his back, staring far too silently at the sky.

" There was a cloud that looked just like the ham we saw in Stohess."

" You talk about this ham a little too much for my liking."

Eren turned his face toward him.

" It was a big ham."

" I'll buy you one soon."

" Two."

Levi sighed. " Two, if you want."

" Good."

Eren sat up and slid off the wagon back on his feet. He came closer and let his gaze wander over Levi.

" It looks good. Different, but good."

His fingers wandered over the straps on Levi's chest.

" Are you ready?" he asked then.

He had gone a little paler around the nose and the hard line around his mouth had not existed before either.

For a brief moment, Levi thought about grabbing him and running away.

Far away.

They had only spent one day up here. Eren knew nothing, they knew no one. They would be all alone in a strange place.

How could Levi leave just like that?

They could simply run.

The whole damn military could try to get them. Levi wouldn't make it easy for them.

They could simply run.

But Levi didn't.

Stayed put and watched as the soldiers prepared their horses for the last short distance left until the headquarters.

If he didn't flee now, they would never have to do it again in the future.

It was time.

" Keep practicing your reading. I'll write to you."

Eren's fingers clung to him a little tighter.

He swallowed hard, took a deep breath, and then just nodded.

Isabel had hugged Furlan and now came over to Levi.

" Be careful."

For a moment, Eren took his hand from him so she could say goodbye to Levi.

" You, too.", Levi patted her back and tangled her hair as she smiled at him with wet eyes. “ Don't fight with Nanaba. She seems alright.”

“ I'll try.”

" Levi. Furlan. It's time." Erwin stepped up to them and the anger in Eren's eyes was palpable again.

The captain didn't let on, nodded to Eren and Isabel, and then turned away to go to his own horse.

" Take two minutes. I'll distract them." Isabel gave Eren a shove in the back and grabbed Furlan to pull him away from the wagon.

Levi smiled after her and then looked back up at Eren.

" You'll come to see us in a month?" the younger asked and ran a hand through Levi's hair.

" I will.”

" Promise."

" Why promising something that is set in stone?"

" Just do it, asshole."

" Crybaby."

" Gnome."

" Playing with fire today, aren't we Jaeger?"

Eren laughed softly and now the tears actually seemed to want to spill over.

He leaned down until his forehead touched Levi's.

" I love you."

Levi kissed him only shortly in response.

Any longer and he wasn't sure anymore if he would be able to stop.

He had seen out of the corner of his eye how Nanaba took a seat on the wagon with the reins in her hand.

Isabel hugged Furlan again and also climbed onto the ride, her wave to Levi wild enough to almost make her fall back to the ground.

He gave Eren a little push.

'' Go."

Eren took a deep breath and slowly let him go.

“ I'll see you.”

He took two steps and turned back to him.

" No expeditions next month! I want to see you first!"

" Erwin told us we will have to train first right in front of you."

Two more steps.

" Don't spend too much time alone with him!”

"With whom?"

" You know exactly who I mean! Don't pretend you don't!"

Five steps this time.

"I'll make sure Is doesn't do anything stupid."

"And who makes sure you won't?"

"I will have to think about that."

Two more steps.

" Show the amateurs how to kill some Titans!"

" Do you expect any less from me?"

A bright smile under teary eyes.

More steps, too far to call out to him.

The wagon moving.

He continued to turn to Levi, again and again as he followed it, the last person to disappear over the hill.

Levi remained standing a little longer.

He took a few deep breaths, fighting the urge to run after him.

Took another few breaths against all the terrifying scenarios that arose in his head.

Forced himself to become calm to be able to deal with what had to be done.

Then he slowly moved from the spot and over to Furlan and the waiting soldiers.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These are getting longer and longer and I can't find it in myself to regret...
> 
> As far as I know it has never been clearly stated how Hanji identifies. In this fic I will use " she/her" pronouns out of the simple reason that it is how I saw her back when I first started watching AoT. Let's face it, no matter what, Hanji kicks ass and that is what counts.
> 
> Thanks for all the views, kudos, and comments!

1.

Slowly, Eren found his way back to consciousness.

He blinked against the sleepiness that threatened to pull him down again, the sunlight falling on him through half-closed curtains first blurry, then more and more clear to his eyes.

A soft sheet under his cheek, his legs tangled in a light blanket.

Voices outside the window, too far away to understand what was said.

Another moment.

Voices?

Panic, reaching for him with cold fingers, tearing him completely out from the strange state between wakefulness and sleep.

He shot up, his hand on the way to the knife under his pillow, ready to attack whoever had taken him, then stopped abruptly.

Memories from last night.

Snippets that slowly came together to form a picture.

Fingers around the handle of the knife loosened.

His heart continued to beat rapidly but slowly calmed down.

Right.

He was in Shiganshina.

They had arrived late the night before, Eren so exhausted that he could only dimly remember someone opening a door and ushering them into a house.

He had been unbelievably tired, the last few days of little sleep finally catching up with him, limbs too heavy to move and thoughts too slow to make sense.

The fact, that he had made it to bed on his own two feet a miracle in itself.

Eren had walked behind the wagon most of the way.

Had walked and walked until his legs seemed too heavy to lift even though Isabel kept asking him to join her on the ride.

Walked and walked and played over and over in his mind how Levi had grown smaller in the distance only to disappear out of his view.

And it was as Eren had predicted.

At that moment, he had left no less than a part of himself behind in Levi's trustworthy hands.

Left Levi behind with it.

In a world he didn't trust yet.

Levi.

Eren fell back into the sheets, limbs heavy and heart heavier.

He reached out for the pillow next to his and slowly stroked the cover.

The bed was big.

Much too big for him alone and not even the covers he pulled up to his chin helped in getting rid of the feeling.

He hadn't been without Levi during the night for a long time.

Sometimes, when they had argued until late, without managing to come to a conclusion, Levi had slept on the couch and Eren had been more than happy about the distance then.

But those times they had only been separated by a door and Eren had never quite lasted until morning without Levi next to him.

After hours of lying awake and rolling around, after the remorse had become too much he had gotten up and sneaked outside the bedroom, squeezed himself on the too narrow couch into a welcoming side, finally being able to sleep.

It had been a door.

Now it was a whole world when it should only be an outstretched arm.

Eren loved watching Levi in his sleep because it meant the other had finally found some peace.

For Levi, tormented by nightmares, each deep, and dreamless sleep was a gift.

Every steady breath out of slightly parted lips soothing when Eren himself couldn't find rest,

He seemed younger when he wasn't haunted by memories.

Softer.

Almost as if nothing had yet tried to break him, his forehead furrowed the slightest bit when Eren pressed a careful kiss between his eyebrows and -

Eren groaned and buried his face in the pillows.

Not even a whole day had passed and longing already hit him with full force and the obvious intention to settle.

He kept his face hidden a little longer.

Hid from the world and allowed himself to sink into self-pity for the briefest moment.

Just a few minutes during which he would keep himself locked away from the world, to get his thoughts in order before he would face the day.

His breathing the only sound.

He moved and the blanket rustled slightly, his fingers brushed the knife under the pillow, a well-known sensation for his fingertips.

He took his face out of the pillow and turned to the window, looked at the sun rays that had been so warm on his skin, and felt something like anticipation flicker up inside him.

Good.

He felt ready.

And even if he didn't, he would not be able to spend the whole month in bed, even though the thought was not entirely unwelcome.

Thinking about Levi day in and day out wouldn't make it any better.

Eren sat up slowly and finally turned his attention to the room he had found himself in.

His surrounding was sparsely furnished.

A bed, a small table against the opposite wall, a chair in front of it. Next to it an empty shelf. Simple curtains in front of the window, floor and walls of light wood.

It was simple but felt comfortable.

Levi would definitely like it when he would finally come to vi-

Frustration left Eren's body in form of an exasperated sigh when the thoughts rushed back into a very specific direction after a mere two minutes.

He quickly got up to keep himself from moping around again and stepped closer to the window, pushed the curtain aside and cast a glance outside.

A sea of houses spread out before him.

Countless smoking chimneys.

People on the street going about their day's work.

Further back, Wall Maria stretched into the sky, beautiful, but oppressive at the same time, soon becoming one more obstacle between Levi and him.

Eren let go of the curtain and then looked down at himself

He hadn't even washed last night, let alone put on his sleeping clothes. He had only thought of the obligatory knife under his pillow before his lights went out.

Levi surely hadn't missed the chance to take a shower before he finally went to sle-

God damn.

Eren slapped his cheeks with both hands.

It was impossible to get the man out of his head.

With a deep sigh, he sank down on the floor next to his luggage.

It wasn't like it had been any different before.

He unzipped his bag while he contemplated the further course of the day.

First of all, he would wash up and then check on Isabel.

After that, food and figuring out who their host was.

Satisfied with his plan Eren rummaged through his bag and paused when his fingers touched something hard.

He paused, tilted his head in wonder and then pulled out the unknown object.

Fuck.

This damned son of a bitch...

Levi's book. 

Eren held it up to the light, overcome by a huge wave of everything, the most prominent feeling the urge to kiss the man to death while simultaneously shaking him at the same time.

That sneaky bastard had actually smuggled it into his bag when Eren knew how much it meant to him.

Eren opened the first page almost devoutly and slowly flipped through the chapters.

They had only managed to learn a few letters before leaving the Underground. Eren remembered the E as his eyes scanned over the pages.

It wasn't enough yet to understand what the words in front of him meant, but he surely would be able to find someone who could help with that.

He carefully stroked the pages, the rough paper under his fingertips offering a strange kind of connection with Levi.

How many times had he read the same pages all over again...

Eren smiled.

He would soon be able to read it to him.

Steps outside.

Eren paused and looked over his shoulder at the door.

A short knocking sound, familiar enough for him not to have to say anything.

And indeed, a moment later Isabel pushed her shock of red hair through the open gap.

" What are you doing?" she asked when she saw him sitting on the floor, only to open the door fully and enter the room, appearing freshly washed and dressed for the day.

She went over to him and plopped down on the floor as well, her expression curious as she looked at the book in his hands.

" Isn't that Levi's?"

Before Eren could react she had snatched the book from his fingers and flipped through the pages.

" He hid it in my backpack.” Eren said.

She lifted her gaze to look at him. “ You can read it?”

" I'm trying to."

She had a spot under her lips. Eren leaned a little closer and squinted his eyes to get a better view of it.

" Did you eat something?"

Her expression changed into one of pure delight. " Waffles."

Eren raised his eyebrows in confusion. " Where did you get waffles?"

" From Helen."

" Who the fuck's Helen?"

She closed the book and handed it back to him. A short wipe with her hand and the spot was gone. " She introduced herself to us last night."

" I was half delirious. I can barely remember how I got to bed."

He dimly recalled a woman, now that Isabel mentioned it.

Light that had received them, someone who had shown him the way to his room.

The rest yawning emptiness, no matter how hard he tried to remember.

" Helen used to be a Captain with the Corps way before Smith became one.”, Isabel continued lightly. “ She retired from the army years ago and now lives alone in Shiganshina and takes care of this house. It seems to be some kind of overnight accommodation for captains. ”

" And how long exactly did it take you to figure all of that out?"

They literally had arrived last night.

  
Isabel shrugged. " I had tea together with Helen and Nanaba before bed. And earlier Helen made me some waffles for breakfast.”

Eren was not one hundred percent sure how he felt about it. " You should be a little bit more careful. We don't know these people yet an-"

" Yes, because it makes so much sense to bring us safely all the way here first, prepare tea, only to stab us in the back the next day.", Isabel interrupted him. “ There is no reason for anyone to hurt us. Smith got what he wants.”

Eren couldn't argue with her on that.

“ So you think that Helen is alright?”

Isabel stretched her legs out in front of her and leaned back on her hands.

" I feel comfortable with her. As well as with Nanaba. It's weird."

  
" Why?"

" I've talked to a few people from the surface now, and I have yet to meet anyone that makes me feel like I'm about to fight for my life."

"They're friendly. I'm not going to say there are no rapists or thieves running around, but... I mean, Nanaba was polite all the time. Helen's great. ", Isabel nodded slowly, as if she was affirming what she said to herself. " Even Caterpillar treated us relatively well, aside from getting us into shit."

" Yeah, except for that tiny, important part." Eren muttered.

" Talking about Levi there?"

“ Wanna tell that to his face?”

She stuck her tongue out at him. " I value my life.”

" Want me to tell him then?" Eren teased further.

" You value it too."

" Sure?"

She looked at him innocently and he let the matter rest with a chuckle and the decision that it was finally time to get up.

" I assume you plan to befriend half the city?" he asked as he walked to the table and placed Levi's book neatly on top of it.

“ A few women would be nice.”

“ And that is because?”

  
" Eren.", she looked at him seriously from the floor. " I love you. And I love Furlan and Levi. I really do. But sometimes it's good to have a woman or two around. Having only guys around 24/7 is a mess.”

Eren snorted. “ Are we a bit dramatic early in the morning?”

“ I lost ten years in your company. Maybe fifteen.”, she pointed to the area under her eyes. " Do you see that? The wrinkles?"

" They're from the booze you keep drinking."

“ The audacity.”

Eren laughed while he went back to his bag to search for his toiletry bag and some fresh clothes.

" Where's the shower?" he asked then and she pointed to the hallway.

"The last door on the left before you go down the stairs."

He took everything he needed and left the room.

The house was relatively large, he realized as he stepped into the hallway. To his right was a staircase, while to his left several doors lead off the hallway into different rooms.

The size made sense when every now and then soldiers stayed here, Eren thought as he walked to the door Isabel described.

The bathroom was also simply furnished but clean with a sink, a toilet, and a relatively large shower stall in the corner.

Eren put his belongings on a small cabinet and went to the shower to turn on the water.

When he discarded his clothes and reached a testing hand under the water, it was the perfect temperature.

With a sigh of relief, he stood under the hot stream and did nothing for the first few minutes except enjoying the water on his tense muscles.

Steam rose around him.

Levi had always made sure they had relatively good water pressure back in their house, but this one bordered on near perfection.

He could have spent hours under the stream.

Eren washed thoroughly before brushing his teeth and shaving directly under the water.

He turned off the water then, exited the cubicle to dry himself in front of the mirror, and put on fresh clothes.

Tying a hairband around his wet hair and he was done.

Isabel was already waiting for him in the hallway and barely gave him time to go back to his room to put his clothes on the bed before she grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him towards the stairs.

It smelled good.

Eren sucked in the aroma while Isabel forced him down to the first floor.

Something sweet hung in the air, mixed with the smell of fried butter.

Delicious enough to remind him how hungry he really was.

A few more steps and he found himself in an open kitchen that adjoined a living room.

The sounds of pans and pots on a stove.

Sizzling.

His eyes first fell on Nanaba, who was sitting at a table close to the stairs with a cup in her hand.

" Good morning." the woman said with a light smile.

" Morning. “ Eren greeted as well.

A movement out of the corner of the eye.

Flowing skirts.

Purple.

For a second, his mouth went dry as he followed the swirling folds with his eyes.

He was back underground.

Younger.

A warm hand in his hair.

Eyes like his.

The apron always white and clean.

" Did you sleep well?"

No.

Time continued to pass.

Not her voice.

Grey hair.

So different from his mother's black braid.

The memory faded as fast as it came over him, just as quickly as she had faded from his life years ago.

It still hurt the same but was easier.

Eren took a deep breath, a successful attempt to organize his thoughts.

He was already used to memories suddenly overtaking him, as if out of nowhere. He hadn't expected it to happen so easily in a random kitchen on the surface, but it did make sense.

The most memories he had of his mother were of her in the kitchen. She had loved cooking, it had made her smile.

One more moment.

It was the way it was.

He was okay.

Another breath and he had collected himself again, just in time for Isabel to pull him further into the room.

" This is Eren, Helen. He didn't catch everything last night, so we have to do the whole introduction round again."

Helen was small, smaller than Levi, and had seen enough decades for her hair to be completely gray and for deep wrinkles to have formed on her face.

She held herself upright, her stride sure as she approached Eren now, the former soldier still visible in her.

Eren outstreched his hand. “ Hel-”

His hand swatted away.

Fingers pinching his cheek.

“ So handsome. The ladies will swoon over you.”

What -

“ And so tall.”

“ I-”

A charmed grin.

“ I just want to eat you up.”

Eren wasn't a shy person and he was rarely caught off guard.

His jokes dirty, he himself proud and self-confident, rarely at a loss for words.

The last time he had been truly speechless had been the day he had accidentally stumbled into Levi in the shower, back when he had only begun to feel the attraction between them.

And here he was.

His ears red, his cheeks aching from being pinched, mind blank at the sight of pinching fingers wandering closer to his cheeks again.

Totally uncharted territory.

“ He's taken!” Isabel jumped in and pulled him into her side.

The woman laughed goodheartedly.

“ I know, I know. I'm sorry. You have pointed this out to me often enough, Isabel.”

She took a step back and gave him a smile. " I'm Helen. I was part of the Survey Corps until I retired. I lived in Trost for a while and moved to Shiganshina a few years ago. This house here serves as overnight quarters for captains and always has a few rooms to spare which is why Erwin contacted me because of you guys. I take care of it and everything around here.”

“ It's... nice to meet you.” Eren successfully pushed out.

“ Sit down, Eren. You too, Isabel.", she took them both by the wrists and pulled them to the table with a strength unexpected for her age. " Would you like coffee? Or Tea?"

"Tea." Eren said slowly as he sank into his chair, still not one hundred percent sure how to handle himself while Isabel looked as if she had spent the past six months in the house.

His cheeks still hurt.

" Coffee!" cried Isabel as she fell on another chair next to him.

" I hope your first night was pleasant."

Nanaba looked at him over the rim of her cup.

Eren had come to know her as a quiet person who radiated calm. Even on the trip to Shiganshina alone with them she had uttered only a few words and Eren could not complain about that.

It was quite comfortable not to have to talk all the time.

" I slept well."

“ That's great.", Helen was back at his side, placing a steaming cup in front of him. " You looked so tired last night that I was worried about you. Waffles?"

" Waffles?" he repeated slowly and she broke out into a wide smile again.

“ God, look at those eyes.”, she cooed. “ Yes, sweetheart. Waffles. Do you want some?”

Sweet...heart?

He managed a nod.

Isabel groaned theatrically. “ Helen! Please, it's for your own good! The last time someone did that to him, they almost lost a finger! I told you about Levi!”

Despite being slightly overwhelmed, the thought of her pinching Levi's cheeks almost made Eren let out a snort.

He would pay good money for the sight.

“ Oh please.”, Helen swatted Isabel's arm gently. “ Let an old lady have some fun. I'm not too much, am I, Eren? If so, you just tell this old hag.”

Strangely, he felt slightly overwhelmed, but not in a bad way.

Her hand was warm on his shoulder, not too heavy to be uncomfortable, and the expression in her eyes was honest as she looked down at Eren.

That's why he just shook his head and smiled slightly. “ I'm fine.”

She squeezed his shoulder shorty, then checked the knot of her apron and went back over to the stove.

"Now, you first get some food into you, Eren. I'll make some more waffles for you as well, Isabel. And then we'll sit down and discuss a few things. How does that sound?"

It sounded ... good.

Yes.

Simple and good.

Sounded as if this day wouldn't be so bad after all, as if the time until he could see Levi again wouldn't feel too much like an eternity.

He allowed himself to lean back a little deeper in the chair.

In the warm kitchen with Isabel next to him, and two people he did not know yet, but who seemed honest and pleasant, the smells of butter and waffles in the air, things seemed alright.

There was a knock at the door and Helen looked down the hallway, frowning.

" Who could that be?", she wiped her hands on her apron. " Could one of you watch the waffles for a minute while I check?"

Eren tried to get up, but Nanaba held him back with a hand on his forearm.

" Let me. You sit."

Nanaba stepped up to the stove while Helen disappeared into the hallway.

A delighted sound after she had opened the door.

" What are you doing here?"

" We wanted to drop off the spade. Grandpa finally managed to repair it."

Eren leaned to the side to catch a glimpse of the hallway.

“ Come in for a second.”

Steps.

Blonde hair, a short stature.

The woman behind him taller, her hair dark.

Both roughly Eren's age.

“ Eren, Isabel.”, Helen came back into the kitchen and pushed the two new arrivals inside as well. " These are Armin and Mikasa."

Friendly blue eyes.

Cooler, dark ones next to them.

Meeting new people in a warm kitchen while eating waffles.

Truly a strange morning.

* * *

2.

After three days, Levi felt the whispers following him at every turn.

Softly spoken words that clung to him and made his skin itch.

Glances they thought he didn't notice and that seemed to bore into him.

Unconcealed amazement, fingers pointing at him.

Goddamn soldiers from his new regiment kept coming up to talk to him, wanting to know how he managed to be so fast, how he used the gear so well, how he learned maneuvers in minutes they needed weeks to get into their heads.

As if there was nothing better to do in this forsaken place.

He almost regretted that their origin was kept a secret from everyone but the higher-ups.

Maybe the truth about them being the lowest of scum in every sense of the word would have kept people at a distance.

He trudged through the corridors of the old castle that was used as headquarters in an increasingly bad mood and managed to keep people from talking to him with the power of his glare alone.

He had held it together until now, apart from a cutting comment here and there but one more word and one more well-intended touch on his shoulder, and heads would roll.

He reached the heavy wooden door leading to the dining hall and pushed it open with a little too much momentum before he went to the food counter and grabbed a plate of whatever they fed to him on that day, ignoring the attention he had gathered with his entrance.

A quick glance over the long tables before he spotted Furlan's blond mop of hair at the far end of the room. The soldiers never ate at the same time, so fortunately the room was almost never completely crowded.

Levi walked over to his friend, slapped his tray on the wooden table a little too forcefully, and sank down onto the bench.

Furlan laughed softly as he looked up from his own meal. " Rough day?"

" Don't ask."

Levi took his spoon and rammed it into the food, imagining it to be a face.

As always, Furlan stayed unfazed by his mood.

“ You're really stirring things up in these old walls.”

“ And you seem to fucking enjoy it.”

“ I do. I especially enjoy how the instructor wants to punch you in the face and at the same time can't because he's too busy being amazed by your moves.”

“ You'd think they'd have better things to do than bother with us.", Levi shoved a bite of stew into his mouth and chewed without paying attention to the taste. “ If the shitstains cleaned the fucking showers with equal effort for once.”

" It's clean."

" Not even by your standards could that hellhole be called clean."

The higher-ups and captains all lived in private rooms, while several of the recruits shared rooms and communal bathrooms.

Levi had expected that much and had tried to mentally prepare himself for it, but sleeping in a strange bed and using the washrooms with everyone had still proven to be a great challenge. Cleaning was a daily part of the soldier's busy schedule but everything was still filthy.

The second night Levi had secretly gotten up and started cleaning.

On the one hand because he couldn't deal with smears and other unidentifiable stains on the mirrors any longer, and on the other because falling asleep was damn near impossible when a warm body next to him was missing.

He drove his spoon a little deeper into his food, without eating more.

He missed Eren, every day, every hour, in a constant tugging that sat in his chest that didn't let him lose focus, but became all the more intense in quiet hours.

Missed him desperately and couldn't find it in himself to be ashamed of that weakness because it felt so much more real than anything around him.

He worried.

Worried about how their accommodation was.

Whether the trip to Shiganshina had gone well.

Whether they had been well received.

About whether Eren could sleep at night when Levi wasn't there to watch over him.

Counting the days and welcoming the hard training that made the hours go by faster until he could finally see him again.

The door to the dining room flew open.

Levi felt his eyes almost roll into his brain as his gaze fell on the person entering.

Captain Hanji Zoe.

He had not yet exchanged more than two sentences with her but was sure of two things: The woman was nothing short of batshit crazy and she had made it her goal to drive him insane since the moment she had since him during gear practice.

He had managed to avoid her until now, but now there seemed to be no escape.

Her eyes fell on him and a wide grin spread across her face as she hurried towards them between the benches.

Her blond sidekick hurried behind her, his expression tortured.

Levi took a deep breath, then exhaled, and finally took another bite of his food.

" Levi! Furlan! I've been looking for you everywhere!"

Furlan had made moves to follow protocol and greet her with a fist to his chest, but she fell into the vacant seat next to him before he could move.

Moblit stopped behind her without sitting down.

"We had strategy and then cleaning duty." Furlan said instead and Levi was once again amazed at the friendliness and patience with which the other treated everyone.

"Ah yes, the good old cleaning duty.", Hanji propped her elbows on the table. " You can't get around it, even if Erwin himself brought you here."

She had a terrible habit of leaning way too far into his radius when she spoke.

She used her hands a lot when she talked.

No.

She used her whole body a lot. Her shoulders, the entire length of her arms.

Just like now.

“ I'm so glad I can finally talk to you!”

Levi felt his mood only drop lower at the sound of her voice.

" I was surprised when Erwin talked about accepting you here. I mean, all the captains thought he was crazy for even talking about recruiting soldiers underground, but then actually bringing someone here.”, sparkling eyes on him. “ I didn't know what to expect, but I was not disappointed. Quite the opposite. You're not playing around. I've never seen a control like that, even from Mike, and all of that without official training beforehand.”

Levi remembered the other captain who had been introduced to him.

It had been the one accompanying Erwin on the day the soldiers caught them, the one that had managed to attack him with a hard blow.

Definitely skilled.

Here in the castle though, the man seemed more than out of place.

He kept sniffing people and smirked as if he busted a nut at the smell of someone's greasy hair.

The reputation of the Survey Corps reached far. The best-trained soldiers with incredible skills who fought with unpredictable opponents.

Behind closed doors, they were a bunch of fucking lunatics and Levi could have lived without that knowledge.

" You're one in a million, aren't you? When Keith finally officially resigns Erwin will make you a captain so fast, you won't know what hit you."

She hastily turned to Furlan. " You are also very good! Better than most! A delight for anyone who watches you! But did you see the way Levi cuts into necks? His instructor almost pissed his pants and I was close to it."

Furlan just smiled. " I know. I've seen it as well. No offense taken."

She beamed as she spoke. Her eyes wide, flying from one person to the next.

Her voice loud enough that it was a miracle she didn't entertain the whole dining hall and Levi hated every second of her monologue.

" Levi!"

She turned back to him with too much momentum and the sound of his name out of her mouth rolled down his spine in uncomfortable goosebumps.

" I couldn't believe my eyes!", she took another swing with her arm and almost punched Moblit in the face. " Such a control without any training!"

A bit of spit flew out of her mouth.

Levi's eyebrow twitched.

" That instinct you have"

A punch to the right.

“ Captain Hanji!” Moblit's attempts to calm her grew more and more hysterical after he had peeked at Levi.

" You're going to revolutionize Titan hunting!"

Feet grazed him under the table.

He put his spoon aside.

She jumped up and slammed her hands on the table, leaning so close to him that he could feel her breath on his face.

“ You're going to help me catch a Titan! For sure! Yes?!"

Levi closed his eyes.

Then slowly opened them and focused on her.

Moblit squeaked softly and almost tortured in the background.

Furlan continued to eat while laughing softly.

Hanji beamed.

Levi stared at her for longer, put all the pent-up frustration of the last days into his eyes.

" Moblit!", Hanji slumped back in her seat and slapped the man's arm. " Do you see that?! It's scientifically proven that looks can't kill but my soul just left my body!"

She looked delighted by the fact and it only managed to piss off Levi more.

" Captain Hanji...", Moblit held her by the arm. "We should go now! Your squad has been waiting for twenty minutes!"

" Another second."

“ Captain, please.”

“ Just give me a mom-”

“ Oi.”

The entire hall seemed to grow quieter at his voice.

Moblit froze.

Levi could see over Hanji's shoulder how some soldiers cast furtive, slightly frightened glances at them. They quickly turned away and ducked slightly as Levi's attention landed on them for a moment.

He folded his arms in front of his chest, received the calm that always spread inside him when he had reached his limit gladly.

“ You're too loud.”

Apparently, that was enough to snap Moblit out of his stupor. He grabbed his captain by the shoulders and pulled her backward out of the bench and onto her feet.

“ We're late for training, Captain!”

“ Levi!”, Hanji shouted with flushed cheeks and an idiotic grin as she was dragged to the door. “ I love you! Let's be friends and catch some Titans!”

She latched onto the doorframe. “ Let's talk later!”

Another push by a still panicked looking Moblit and she was finally gone.

Levi exhaled slowly.

In and out so as not to succumb to the temptation to jab her with a fork where it hurt.

“ Well... that was interesting.” Furlan said slowly, surprised eyes still on the door.

“ She's a fucking lunatic.” Levi huffed.

“ She has definitely found her calling,"

Levi had completely lost his appetite.

He stood up and picked up his tray.

"Wait. I'm done, too.", Furlan quickly finished the water in his cup and stood up as well. " We have horse riding next.”

They walked over to the counter where they could return their dishes, whispers following them.

It would be a long month.

As Levi turned around after having put his tray down, someone ran into his shoulder.

God damn, what was wrong with people today...

" Sorry, Levi. I didn't see you there."

It was Mel, the youngest recruit in their regiment.

He smiled shyly and ran a hand through his short blond hair, his cheeks the slightest bit pink.

He wasn't a particularly good soldier, but listened to what he was told and didn't try to push his way to the forefront or impose himself on Levi like the others did.

Green eyes, strangely similar to Eren's.

Levi didn't like the sensation he saw in them, too much admiration and unwanted curiosity, but some of his pent-up frustration left his body with the thoughts of Eren that the color green had summoned.

“ It's fine.”

With that, he left the room in front of Furlan.

* * *

3.

At first, Eren hadn't really wanted to do anything with the two newcomers in the kitchen, but Helen and Isabel were an insurmountable force when combined.

Now, Eren was glad he followed their advice of meeting at least a few new people.

He liked Armin.

His calm way of doing things.

His intelligence and the fact that he always had interesting stories to tell.

The patience with which he endured Isabel's questions.

The joy with which he soon helped Eren improve his reading after he had dared to ask for help.

Armin was different from them, that much was obvious.

Raised by his grandfather, always enough to eat, warm clothes, and a roof over his head.

All the things Eren often didn't have in the past, but he could not find it in himself to envy or despise the other for it.

Armin treated him like an old friend.

He accepted vague answers about their past where they couldn't tell him the truth about their background, did not inquire further about why they were living with Helen, helped them find their way around town without questionings the things they didn't know and was simply someone Eren believed could be a good friend.

It was the same with Mikasa.

Eren enjoyed her company and Isabel had hit it off right away with her.

But there was still something different about the woman, compared with Armin.

At some point, it had been briefly mentioned why the girl with the interesting appearance lived with Armin and his grandfather.

Human traffickers, the kind of scum Eren had met abundantly in the Underground, had murdered her parents years ago.

Eren noticed it on her.

Unlike Armin, she carried darkness around with her, deep down, which made her much easier for Eren to read than the blond.

Somehow she reminded him of Levi and not just because they happened to share the same last name.

It was her rational nature that could quickly boil over, just like him.

Eren knew she was strong, even if he had yet to see her in action.

Armin's finger tapping on the book page brought him back from his thoughts.

" Try again from the beginning. Here the sound is more like a 'K'." Armin pointed to the part of the sentence he was talking about and Eren started to read it out loud again.

His eyes stroked slowly over the sentence, his lips followed, the words got stuck again and again, his voice faltered, but he eventually made it through to the end.

"Very good," Armin beamed as the last sound left his lips. "I think that's enough for today."

With a groan, Eren leaned against the stair-step behind him and stretched his arms above his head.

" I'm done with the world."

" Tomorrow, we could start with a few more difficult sentences."

" Maybe.", Eren rubbed his forehead. " I didn't think reading would be that exhausting."

Armin smiled. "That feeling will subside. Right now you still have to concentrate a lot, but eventually you'll be able to read without trying too hard."

" If you say so."

Eren closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the warm rays of the afternoon sun on his face.

The gentle lapping of the water that passed by in the artificial river basin and the voices of the people selling their goods in the nearby street made him strangely sleepy.

After five days, with the help of Armin and Mikasa, he had seen most of Shiganshina.

At first, he had briefly feared that he would have to spend his time under guard in the house, but that fear had quickly vanished into thin air.

Nanaba was a constant presence in the house and expected them to tell her about their whereabouts at all times, but otherwise, they were allowed to leave the house however they pleased.

Of course, after they had helped out Helen.

Even though there was no one else living in the house at the moment except the four of them, there was always a lot of work to be done.

Eren and Isabel helped her with small repairs, went shopping with her and carried her things, helped her keep the house in order and tended after the small garden.

Eren felt comfortable around the older woman.

It was a strange feeling, foreign and yet something he did not want to miss.

For years they had lived in distrust because trusting the wrong person could have quickly brought them into danger, if not worse.

Eren had always been cautious.

Levi had always been worse, the distrust in people build by all the years he had spent alone and Eren understood, understood him so well.

But they were on the surface now. And even if there were crooks and cheats and murderers hidden between those who lived here, it wasn't comparable with the underground.

He could allow himself to take down his walls, at least a bit.

Now he found himself going to the market more and more often, loaded with bags while laughing at the stories Helen had to tell about the inhabitants of Shiganshina.

Eren wouldn't call it a hundred percent trust.

In any of them.

How could he, when he didn't even fully trust himself?

There was only one person Eren trusted without question and more than himself, and that was and would always be Levi.

It wasn't a hundred percent trust, but it was a beginning.

Eren opened his eyes and watched how Armin slid the book they had used to practice into his bag.

" The other book. What is it about?" Eren asked when he saw a thicker book inside the bag.

" Oh, this...", Armin suddenly seemed a bit uncertain." It's-"

He took a quick glance over his shoulder and then slid closer to Eren on the step they were sitting on.

" You have to promise me you won't tell anyone about it."

Eren waved it off. " If it's that important then you don't have to tell me. I was just curious for a second."

" Actually, I wanted to show you." Armin confessed and Eren paused.

" Good." he then said. " I promise I won't tell anyone."

Promises counted for something up here.

"I'm not supposed to have this book. If any member of the military police would find out about it I would be in a lot of trouble.”, he pulled the book out of his bag. “ But you live with Helen and she hates them so I thought you might feel the same way...”

" Oh, trust me.", Eren chuckled lightly. " Let's say I carry a slight dislike for them.”

He leaned over Armin's shoulder when the blonde opened the book.

" It's about the world. The world outside the Walls."

" Those books are illegal, aren't they?"

Armin looked at him cautiously. " Hence the secrecy."

“ Starting a new career in the wrong environment?”, he asked with a grin and gently elbowed Armin then. " No need to get constipated. I won't tell anyone."

Armin looked the slightest bit relieved and then pushed the book a little further into Eren's lap.

" What does it say?"

Armin spent the next few minutes describing to him the alleged wonders that the outside world had in store for them and Eren listened to him in amazement.

A lake so big that you could not reach the other end?

Eren almost couldn't believe his ears.

"Fascinating." He murmured as they bent over another drawing.

" Fascinating, yes.", Armin smiled. The earlier nervousness gone, but then the corners of his mouth slowly dropped. " But unreachable."

Eren watched him silently from the side before his gaze wandered to the wall that loomed over them in the distance.

" Outside is so close." he said then.

So horribly close.

Then, addressing Armin.

" Do you want to go?"

" Outside?"

Eren hummed in affirmation.

He saw Armin nod out of the corner of his eye.

" I have a feeling that most of those around me have resigned themselves to the idea that this and nothing more will be their whole life. And sometimes I wished I could do the same, but I can't.” he folded his arms on his bent legs and rested his chin on them. “ I toyed with the idea of joining the Survey Corps, but I don't have the courage to follow through with the plan.”

Eren listened to him quietly, suppressing the fear that came with the thought of Levi and Furlan mustering that courage.

"You're not a soldier, right?" asked Armin after a moment of silence.

“ No, I'm not.” Eren answered with regret weighing down on his chest.

“ Did you ever think about becoming one?”

" Once."

" But?”

" I wanted to join the Survey Corps.", Eren said with a deep sigh. " But there was someone who disagreed, and here I am."

" Is it the one Isabel keeps talking about? Levi?"

Eren smiled faintly at the thought of the other.

No matter his state of mind, the mention of Levi's name did that to him.

“ Partly him. Partly someone else.”

With that, he stood up and patted the dust off his pants.

" Let's go back. It's late and Isabel has been alone with Mikasa for far too long, I'm afraid of what this might do to her psychologically."

Armin took his belongings and stood up as well. "Mikasa can fend for herself.”

"Many people thought so, Armin." Eren replied, the atmosphere the slightest bit lighter than minutes ago before they started to make their way back to Helen's.

* * *

4.

Levi loved the company of the horses.

The smell of hay in the stalls, warm nostrils under his fingers, the soft sound of hooves on the ground.

Stable duty was nothing tedious for him but a welcome escape after a hectic day.

Horses didn't talk.

They listened.

They didn't want anything from him but a few pats and some carrots.

Levi entered the deserted stable after dark. The hay had already been changed in the morning and he would now only have to take care of the animals' water and food.

He would take his time with it and maybe groom a few horses. After that, there would still be enough time to pick up his dinner.

He picked up the feed bucket hanging on a hook at the entrance and walked over to the first box, which was open and still waiting for its occupant.

He took one look inside and paused.

Levi wanted to turn around and leave, ignore the matter, and never think of it again.

However, he remained in the same spot, his gaze on Mel, who was sitting in the fresh hay with his back to him, engrossed in pressing his arm in different spots.

He hadn't discovered Levi yet, and he wouldn't if Levi simply left.

He would sneak away, then return in half an hour to a hopefully empty stable.

Have his peace.

.

A soft sniffing sound.

An arm that rubbed hastily over teary eyes.

Almost like Eren, when he was overcome by emotion and didn't want to admit it.

Levi closed his eyes in irritation.

Goddamn.

Levi put the bucket on the floor with a little too much force.

"What the fuck are you doing there?"

Mel winced and wheeled around to face him, his startled eyes wide.

" Levi - I -"

“ Shut it.”, Levi walked into the box and squatted down next to him. “ It's your fucking arm, isn't it?”

He grabbed the younger by the wrist and pulled his arm closer only to push his sleeve up.

The bruise was huge and almost black.

Levi had seen him fall during maneuver training that morning. First against a tree, then hard against the ground.

The boy still had a lot to learn.

" It will heal in a few days. No need to sit here in the dark and cry."

He let go of his arm and Mel quickly pulled him back to his side.

" I'm sorry."

“ You do apologize a whole fucking lot for nothing, don't you.”

Levi stood up again and looked down at Mel with his arms folded in front of his chest.

The other lowered his gaze.

He looked too small for his uniform in this position, even though he was taller than Levi.

“ Why aren't you getting up?”

" I don't think I'm cut out to be a soldier."

His voice soft, the confession sudden.

Levi, briefly surprised, quickly regained his composure.

" Then why are you here?"

A helpless shrug.

" I thought I was."

" A bit late for that enlightenment."

Mel laughed softly, the sound sad and heavy.

" My parents were Survey Corps. Mom didn't come back at first, then Dad. I had hopes that maybe I could finish what they started, but -", he shrugged again as if he didn't know what else to do. " I'm simply not good enough. Not for the most simple task."

It had been a long time since Levi had last doubted his abilities.

He almost couldn't remember the last time he did so.

His corners had been honed, his skills built up, fight after fight.

Doubts were useless.

Got in your way and became obstacles you hadn't prepared for.

Made weak where you were actually strong.

Eren had not yet reached that point.

Doubted himself, what he was doing, who he was, more often than Levi would have liked.

It made him vulnerable where he shouldn't be and it sometimes scared Levi.

Their eyes were so similar.

“ Look.”, Levi leaned against the wooden wall behind him, arms folded. " I have no idea how this suddenly became a fucking therapy session, but since you've already ruined my evening with your whining let's just finish it."

A horse neighed nearby.

Mel slowly detached his gaze from his lap, inch by inch, until their eyes met.

"You're not too bad with your gear. Your moves are alright.”

" But not like you!" Mel burst out.

" Shut up. I'm not finished.”

He shut his mouth in a blink of an eye.

"Don't compare yourself to me.”, Levi continued. “ I've used the gear for years, in completely different situations. If I decide to stick a knife in my ass, will that affect you in any way?"

" No."

“ So why would you compare your gear skills to mine?”

Levi crossed his legs at the ankles.

One of his boots had a stain on the front. He would have to take care of it later.

"You are not worse than the others. But you're too scared and you doubt yourself too much. You think about flattening your ugly face on the next tree because you believe that's exactly what's bound to happen and then it does.”

A weary gaze fell again.

Levi sighed.

“ Mel?” The name the slightest bit softer on his tongue.

" Yes?"

Fear of what he did not want to hear resonated in his answer.

“ Don't doubt yourself. Having doubts can make the difference between whether you live or die. Especially in a place like this. Alright?”

Silence.

“ Alright?” Levi asked again with more emphasis and now Mel nodded.

He swallowed hard, the movement of his Adam's apple visible.

" I...I'll try."

“ Good.”, Levi pushed himself away from the wall. “ Then get up.”

And so he did, slowly but steadily, something like determination visible in his eyes.

Not to the extent Eren's eyes would burn.

Their eyes were similar but not the same after all.

Levi was glad that he wouldn't confuse them outside the Walls.

" If there's time, I'll help you out a little with the gear. Furlan as well."

Levi didn't know what was getting to him, but he couldn't find it in himself to get angry about it.

If the shit stain would have a calmer sleep that night after talking to him, so be it.

Now Mel smiled shyly. " You would do that?"

" Fuck off now."

" Thank you, Levi!"

Levi clicked his tongue in annoyance and waved a hand to the outside of the box. “ Just piss off, will you.”

" Do you want me to help you?" Mel remained standing next to Levi.

" Want me to support the fuck off with a shoe in your ass?"

" Sorry! I mean – I...", Mel stumbled outside. “ I'll see you at dinner!”

Levi hoped not but said no more when Mel finally disappeared.

* * *

5.

Thirst had brought Eren to the kitchen that night.

Maybe also the fact that he once again couldn't fall asleep.

He was not quite sure.

He stopped in his tracks when he arrived in the kitchen and saw Helen and Nanaba sitting at the table in the light of a lamp.

" Eren.", Helen greeted him with a smile and beckoned him to the table. " Why are you still awake?"

" I was thirsty."

" Come. Sit down with us for a moment."

He stepped closer to the table.

A bottle of alcohol.

Two empty glasses.

Their cheeks the slightest bit flushed.

" Would you like some of it?"

Nanaba was up before Eren could say anything and went to the counter to get another glass. She put it on the table and Helen gently pulled him into the chair next to him.

" What's the occasion?"

Nanaba opened the bottle of dark liquid and poured him a glass.

“ The past.” Helen said.

Eren didn't want to understand the sadness in her eyes, but he did.

Loss. Regret. Longing.

Without a word, he accepted the alcohol and drank it in one go.

It burned itself through his throat to his stomach, where it settled as a heavy weight.

He put the glass back on the table and turned it with slow movements.

Watched the light breaking in it.

" How is it?"

Another turn.

" Outside the walls."

He didn't want to hear it.

Wanted to slap his hands over his ears like a child and scream so he wouldn't have to hear what they would tell him.

He wanted to hear it.

He wanted to know if he was right.

Whether the fear that gripped him at night was justified. The fear that seemed to grow worse and worse the longer Levi was gone from his side.

Levi had promised. The only thing that kept him on the surface in some moments.

" Don't ask, Eren."

Nanaba, always so calm, spoke first.

" I understand why you ask. But don't. Words couldn't describe it anyway."

Helen remained silent. The energetic aura that normally surrounded the woman now only a dull pulsing.

" Before we came here, I had a certain image of the people living on the surface.", Eren heard himself saying. " I expected that we would be treated like shit by those who know about us. And then I was surprised because you didn't. You took us in, treat us well. Laugh with us.”

  
Helen took the bottle and poured herself another glass, then one for Nanaba.

  
When she turned to Eren, he shook his head.

  
He wouldn't be able to stomach more.

“ The picture I had in my head was wrong. Everything is better than I had hoped. And..." his mouth went dry as his heartbeat fastened. “... and for a while, I hoped that the stories about the Titans I was told were wrong as well. That they were false and that everything is better out there just like it is inside the Walls.”

His hand clutched the glass so tightly that he was afraid it would burst.

" But the stories are true."

He loosened his grip.

" They are even worse than I expected."

He couldn't say more, couldn't put into words what he felt but got up instead and wordlessly walked back to the stairs, back to the solitude of his room, and if he had hoped someone would stop him to tell him he was wrong then that never happened.

* * *

6.

Some dreams weren't forgotten as soon as he opened his eyes.

They remained.

Sat heavily on his chest, crawled under his skin, tugged and pulled.

Tried to drive him mad, pushed him outside of bed and into the shower.

The water hot on him.

The cubicles all empty at this time of the night.

Washing his hair again so the dirt would finally disappear.

Levi didn't plan the first kill.

The man had chosen him and the dark alley where he wanted to drag him.

He had not chosen the knife, hidden in a sleeve just like Kenny had taught him. He had not taken into account that Levi was young but fast.

Hot water over his hands.

He shouldn't carry the blood back to white sheets.

Levi didn't plan the second death.

It was the hunger and the man tried to steal his last bread.

The water collected around his feet was still too dirty.

Once more.

The soap starts to burn on the skin.

Mother didn't plan to die in bed.

Not so soon but sometime later.

She didn't plan for it and Levi was too weak to carry her away.

He rubbed his arms, over and over again.

Not having a plan brought death. Brought blood on white sheets.

Imperfection brought misery.

He would make himself perfect.

Clean.

" Levi."

Just one more moment.

"Levi."

Hands on him.

He backed away, against the white tiles.

" Get out of the shower. You're bleeding.."

Furlan.

Not Eren.

Eren was far away.

Levi's breathing shuddered in his chest.

The water stopped.

Furlan next to him with a towel.

" Come."

He ran on autopilot.

Stepped closer to Furlan.

He wasn't Eren.

But he was Furlan.

He couldn't make the shadows disappear with a simple touch, but he kept those away that hadn't yet caught him.

The towel around his shoulders hurt on raw skin.

" Eren told me to keep an eye on you.", the man said calmly as he gently rubbed over Levi's arms.

Shame was a powerful emotion.

So easily overlooked and yet always there.

It pulled him further down, made him want to scratch deeper.

" It's okay."

Another towel on his head. Darkness and protection.

As if Furlan could read minds.

" I'm sorry you have to go through this without Eren."

Levi swallowed hard against the sudden lump in his throat.

" We'll see him soon."

Levi missed him.

Missed him so much that the pain of peeling skin was suddenly no longer the worst thing.

“ Okay.” he whispered silently and closed his eyes.

* * *

7.

Eren shot up in bed, drenched in sweat.

For a moment longer he was stuck in his nightmare, watched helplessly as the shadows flared up around him in his room.

His breathing heavy in his chest, his fingers clawed into the blanket.

Heartbeat loud in his ears.

Second by second, the pictures grew fainter.

He didn't want to remember and soon they can't reach him anymore.

The feeling of panic remains, bitter on his tongue, painful in his stomach.

The bed was too big, much much too big for him alone and it would soon swallow him.

His bare feet touched the floor and before he knew he was standing.

A few hasty steps through the dark to the door.

The hallway.

Isabel's room.

It was silent inside when he entered and closed the door quietly.

The sounds of the girl's breathing the only thing he could hear, the rustling of the blanket as he pulled it back, the soft squeaking of the mattress.

Isabel woke up slowly.

“ Eren?”, she asked drowsily. “ Is it you?”

“ I'm sorry.”, he crawled under the covers and pressed himself against her. “ I'm sorry... I didn't mean to wake you.”

“ What's wrong?” Isabel's voice still sounded sleepy, but her arms still found their way around Eren's much larger body.

Anchoring.

Not Levi.

But warm nonetheless.

“ I'm sorry...”

“ It's fine.”, she hummed softly and began to run her fingers through his hair. “ It's okay. It was a dream, wasn't it?”

“ I think it was.” he whispered.

It seemed to have been a dream, and a memory, and a feeling, a horrible mix, tucked away somewhere in the back of his mind, erupting at the worst hour.

He hid his face against her neck, too ashamed to look at her and yet glad that she was there.

“ I miss Levi.”

“ I know.”

“ I miss him so much.”

“ I know, Eren.”

The night made Isabel calmer as well.

Took her volume and vigor, but not the warmth she carried inside of her, red and burning like her fiery red hair.

“ I miss Furlan.”, she said next to Eren's ear. " That old potato head."

Her fingers continued to push through his hair as she chuckled softly.

“ Wanna know a story I never told anyone?”

“ Sure.” Eren muttered.

She giggled again, a welcome sound in the dark.

" Once I tried to kiss him."

" Furlan?"

"Yes." she answered, and when Eren dared to lift his head slightly he could see her broad smile in the dark.

" He's the most important person in my life and I thought I would want to kiss him."

" But?"

" I was wrong and it was horrible. Had to rinse my mouth out with alcohol for hours afterwards."

" That bad?"

She shook her head. “ It was good to know. I'll always love him the most but not like that. I'm not even sure if I ever want to love someone differently.”

With every word she said, Eren felt himself grow calmer.

" I can't help but touch Levi. All the time.”

" I know.", her elbow gentle in his side. " Like rabbits in a hormone frenzy."

" We're not that bad."

" Tell that to my poor innocent eyes."

She wrapped her other arm around Eren's neck and snuggled a little deeper into her pillow.

“ Can I stay?” Eren asked, the question more a mumbling than anything else.

“ Of course you can.”

And so he did.

* * *

8.

Eren had been looking forward to the first rain.

He had imagined how the water would rain down on him and soak him completely. Had imagined how he would open the window at night and listen to the sound of the raindrops on the rooftops.

The rain had come but no letter had.

It had been exactly one month and he hadn't heard from Levi.

The rain had come and Levi hadn't and worry, fear, and anger had driven him out of the house and to the river.

He sat on the steps, feeling the rain on his head and not caring as he watched the drops hit the surface of the water like small explosions.

A few more days and he would head off to headquarters.

Fuck them if they expected him to simply stay and wait when he knew nothing.

He lowered his eyes and buried his head in his arms, feeling lost, alone and abandoned, and worst of all scared.

Suddenly.

The sound of steps.

A presence next to him.

He raised his head, wiped wet strands of hair out of his face and blinked through the raindrops at the person standing above him.

“ What are you doing alone in the rain?”


	8. Chapter 8

1.

" What are you doing alone in the rain?"

Long hair, heavy and dark from the rain. A smile under wet glasses, the black coat the perfect protection against the rain.

“ Do you need help?”

Eren didn't immediately respond and the man stepped closer to him.

“ Are you alright, son?”

Son?

Eren had heard older men addressing others on the streets of Shiganshina that way more than once.

The baker, when he slipped a loaf of bread to one of the boys who helped him with the oven.

The old grandfather who always sat on the bench in front of his house, thanking the milk boy.

The butcher, when he greeted Armin with a too rough hand in his hair.

A weird way to call someone who wasn't family.

Strangely gentle.

It was a foreign concept for someone who hadn't even been called a son by his own father.

Beneath the surface, no one in their right mind would have shown this sort of kindness for a stranger.

Curses, insults, sometimes just yelling and those that were openly nice to younger boys and men always, always had something else in mind in the darkness that the small alleys offered.

It was the first time someone addressed Eren that way and it stirred up memories.

" Where's your father?" Eren had asked one night, his chest pressed to Levi's back as they lay in bed.

Levi had laughed.

His short, dark chuckle that always seemed to border on mockery, never too loud.

Eren had felt the sound more than he had heard it in the way Levi's shoulders moved slightly in his embrace.

" Care to explain why the hell you'd ask me that right after fucking?"

" Simple curiosity."

“ Next time I suck your dick we'll reminisce about my long-lost grandmother?”

Levi's naked body had been warm against his.

Earlier, it had started with the same touch and ended with Levi writhing under him.

After the worst tension had been relieved, his skin had no longer caused a fire but radiated a warmth that slowly had pushed Eren closer to sleep.

" Don't know who he is or where the hell he fucked off to.”, Levi had said when Eren had already expected not to get an answer. “ I hope he at least paid after fucking her.”

Eren hadn't been shocked since every other person in the underground could tell a similar story.

Sad a bit, yes, because he had always known how much Levi loved his mother.

He had pressed a kiss to the back of Levi's head, then a second one.

" Is it weird that I am grateful to him?”

A dry snort. “ Not weirder than the usual shit that leaves your mouth.”

Eren had smiled into his hair and had held him closer. “ I'm grateful he made you before fucking off.”

" Do you think that if I punch you hard enough just once, whatever is wrong in that ugly mug of yours will get fixed?"

“ I'm simply professing my gratitude.”

" The day your bullshit rubs off on me, you're dead."

Still, Levi's hand had found his and held it close to his chest.

" What happened to your father?" he had then asked and Eren had only been able to shrug his shoulders.

" Don't know.", he had looked over Levi's shoulder to the darkness beyond the window. “ Mom never talked about it so I didn't care.”

" Do you need help?"

The question pulled Eren back to the present.

A hand closer to his shoulder than it had been before, about to touch him.

Eren looked at it, and the man stopped in his movement.

He straightened up, took a step back and put a proper distance between them again.

“ Do you need help?” he repeated, and this time Eren shook his head.

He brushed a wet strand of hair out of his eyes as he glanced up at him.

“ It's been a long day. That's all.”

The raindrops that had fallen heavily on his head for what felt like an eternity slowly became lighter.

He looked to the sky. It had been gray all day, but now the cloud cover seemed to be clearing.

" I'm Dr. Jaeger. The local doctor."

His name caught Eren's attention for a second, but not longer.

He was much more concerned with the blue that flashed up behind the grey above him.

It made him angry.

It should be dark, the clouds heavy above him, a reflection of his inner turmoil.

Not a bright blue sky with sunshine, laughing at him when worry about Levi's whereabouts kept gnawing at him.

" I have never seen you here before. I've been away on business for a few weeks and I just got back today."

A few more drops touched Eren's head and then the rain stopped completely.

“ You're really starting to worry me, son. If you would like me to do a short check-up to see if you're alright we can go to my office right away.”

Son.

Again.

Perhaps Eren would have enjoyed that small instant of false reality on another day. He would have let himself get involved for a brief moment, enjoying the fact that a stranger was talking to him in a somehow respectful and kind manner, would have once again been surprised at how different that the surface was compared to where he was born.

Not today though, when he wanted nothing more than to be alone with his thoughts under a sky that made fun of him.

He didn't need a stranger calling him.

He needed Levi to show up and to call him by his name and nothing more.

“ It's no trou-”

" Look.", Eren interrupted him. " Thanks for checking on me but I don't need your help.”

He stood up, his wet clothes nastily sticking to his body.

Now that he was standing he realized that they were almost the same height.

" I'll be on my way ."

Eren expected a lot.

Indignation.

The attempt to start a fight because he definitely had been rude.

Awkwardly talking around the issue.

What he received instead though, was a smile.

" I'm sorry."

Eren paused, already half turned away to leave.

The man still seemed friendly, his posture relaxed.

And yet.

His gaze too probing, the eye contact he held unnaturally long.

Eren left without another word, the slight goosebumps that had chased down his spine accompanying him until he disappeared into an alley.

* * *

2.

Steam rose from the tea Helen placed on the table in front of Eren.

He carefully lifted the cup with both hands and held it to his lips. The smell was strong, something berry, sweet enough to drink without a spoonful of honey.

Careful not to burn his tongue, he took the first sip and savored the sweetness spreading across his tongue. The warmth reached his stomach and settled heavily.

Helen's chair scraped across the floor as she pulled it out from under the table and sat on it. She crossed her arms in front of her chest and let her eyes rest on him.

Scrutinizing, her eyes narrowed slightly, enough that the wrinkles on her face grew deeper.

Eren didn't know if she was doing it because she wanted to examine him more closely, or just because she couldn't see as well as she had used to.

Considered how proud the woman was, it would not be a surprise for him if she refused to wear glasses even though she needed them.

Eren didn't say anything at first and focused on his tea, but when she didn't speak for a while, he lifted his eyes from his cup.

" What's wrong?"

Helen leaned a little further into the back of her chair. " I was just about to ask you the exact same thing."

Eren took another cautious sip.

“ There's nothing wrong with me.”

“ Eren.” her tone more demanding.

Another sip.

“ You can tell me, you know.”

What was there to tell?

Another day and no sign of Levi.

Eren had spent the last night and the morning holed up in his room. When he had woken up and his gaze had fallen on the bright blue sky outside his window.

He had stayed in the same position for what felt like hours, his thoughts running a mile per second going through every possible scenario as to why neither Levi nor Furlan had shown up in Shiganshina yet.

He had planned to spend the whole day like that but Helen had put a spoke in his wheel when she had suddenly appeared in his room and forced him down to the kitchen.

She could be stubborn if she wanted to, worse than him.

He had been reluctant, but now that he was sitting at the table, warm tea in his hand, he couldn't help but think that it was better this way.

Cozy.

The fire in the fireplace in the adjacent living room and the soft sounds of cracking wood better than the silence in his room.

The cup warmed his palms.

He could almost feel his thoughts calming down a bit, enough to become halfway clear again.

And clear they had to be if he wanted to successfully plan his next steps.

He would give Levi two days.

Two more days and he would make his way to headquarters, no matter who the fuck had something to say against it.

“ They're alright.”

Eren paused at her words and looked up from his cup.

Helen had yet to move her posture, but the hard pull around her eyes was gone.

" Your friends are fine. I'm not officially a soldier anymore, but do you really think I wouldn't have been notified if anything had happened?”, she leaned closer to the table to prop up her elbows. “ I know you were promised to see them after a month but it's the military. Things come up a lot. Plans are canceled, shifts get exchanged, superiors force you to run around the training grounds for hours on end. There are a million reasons as to why they're late and none of those is as dark as you're imagining.”

Eren knew that.

He had gone through the million reasons in his head.

He had tried to keep a cool head and see everything rationally.

But they were talking about Levi here.

“ He promised to write me.”

“ People forget.”

“ Not Levi.”

Helen tapped the table surface with her fingertips. "They'll be rushing him around from morning 'till night. You'll be lucky if he can make it to bed, let alone write a letter."

The steam his tea emitted grew fainter by the minute.

Levi always urged him to finish his tea before it became too cold but the lump in his throat seemed to make it impossible for Eren to drink the rest.

" Back underground, when someone didn't come home as planned, there was no 'maybe something came up'. It meant that shit went down, and never the good one." he hadn't really wanted to say anything, but suddenly the words seemed to leave his lips on autopilot. “ I didn't know that I'd become so used to this way of thinking. I don't know if I can get used to having other possible options up here. At least behind the walls.”

Isabel seemed to be faster at adjusting to the new environment and she seemed to be doing better at dealing with the uncertainty.

Or maybe she was just trying to cover it up more than he was, and that's why she always disappeared with Mikasa and Nanaba to whoever it was they went.

Eren had grown up carrying his heart on his sleeve, in good and bad times.

“ That Levi. He's important to you, isn't he?” Helen asked him calmly.

Eren simply nodded.

Putting it into words for others to understand was impossible anyway.

“ Must be one hell of a man.”

This brought a weak smile to Eren's lips.

Yes, he was.

“ I'm definitely looking forward to meeting him.”

Helen pushed herself back to a standing position with the help of her hands on the tabletop.

" Goddamn joints.", she walked over to one of the cabinets next to the stove and opened it. " Believe me. No matter how many enemies you meet in your life, the biggest pain in your ass is age."

She pulled a small package from a shelf and went back to the table to put lay it down in front of Eren.

" Eat some chocolate."

" I'm okay."

“ You sure?”

Eren nodded and watched as she tore open the paper.

" It's the expensive one. I sometimes buy a bar when I have cravings.”, she poked him in the side. " Come on. Just a piece."

She wouldn't leave him alone and after her fingers insidiously started attacking his ribs Eren gave in and took a piece of chocolate with a sigh.

" It's the best in the area." A bit of pride resonated in her voice as she sat back in her chair.

She was right.

The chocolate was sweet in his mouth, creamy. He tasted other notes underneath, something that reminded him of cinnamon and cloves.

“ Do you want me to tell you something?”

Eren shrugged. “ Sure.”

“ The excitement.”

Helen chuckled, but then began to speak right after.

"It had taken me a while to get used to life as a civilian. I had spent my whole youth and most of my adult years in the military. My father had been a lieutenant himself so one could say I was born into it.”

Helen shoved a piece of chocolate into her mouth and chewed it slowly, swallowed before she continued.

" One day you fight outside the walls, the next they give you a medal and retire you and expect you to find your way around in a world you don't know anymore.”

She broke off another piece.

“ And let me tell you, I wasn't good at finding my way. One day I stabbed a man in the shoulder at night because he'd scared me too much. He just wanted to ask me for directions and I had expected the worst.”

The chocolate disappeared into her mouth.

“ It took me years to truly internalize the fact, that the world I'm living in now isn't the one I had grown up in. That inside of here, danger doesn't lurk around every corner, and that you don't have to be on guard every minute of the day. That things come up and that they don't always turn out the worst way possible. ”

She took another piece of chocolate but did not eat it and kept it in her hand instead.

“ And you will learn that as well, just as I did.”

It sounded impossible and yet like something Eren wanted from the bottom of his heart.

* * *

3.

" Next time we can work on your foot technique."

Eren looked over at Mikasa, who had been walking quietly beside him since they had returned to inside the city walls of Shiganshina.

" Haven't you put me through the wringer enough yet?"

" There are still some things you could improve."

Eren knew that.

His scratched pride knew.

The people who had watched with amusement as she had thrown him over her shoulder into the wet grass over and over again knew that.

The bruise on his hip that would hurt for days definitely knew as well.

He had always expected Mikasa to be strong, but after they had used this afternoon to train he could be sure about it.

Eren was by no means weak, but on top of being strong, Mikasa had a natural talent for fighting, just like Levi.

Maybe it was the name after all, Eren speculated as they walked side by side through the city.

He had really just wanted to disappear back into his bed after Helen and he had eaten a little more of the chocolate, but then Mikasa had shown up at the house and Helen seemed to be of the firm opinion that Eren could use some exercise before dinner.

So the two had gone to a field just outside the city gates for a few hours and in retrospect, it had actually done him and his mind good.

“ Next time I'll win.” Eren declared.

Mikasa said nothing, but the corner of her mouth twitched.

" Eren!"

Both looked simultaneously in the direction from which he was called.

Armin hurried toward them, blond hair in disarray as he weaved through the crowded street.

"Eren!" he shouted again before arriving where the two had stopped, completely out of breath.

He sank forward, propped his hands on his knees, and gasped for air

"What's wrong?" asked Eren in confusion. He turned questioningly to Mikasa but she just shrugged, looking as clueless as he was.

"There is-" Armin pressed out, his voice failing again right after.

Mikasa patted him on the back. " Breath first."

" There is -" he looked at Eren with big blue eyes.

Eren tilted his head." You already mentioned that."

" There is-", Armin pointed his finger where he had just come from. " There is this really scary looking man in Helen's house and-"

Eren paused.

" And he said... and I have to inform you that it was very, very lewd and very, very rude and the word shit fell a lot. He told me to get you...and...actually more like commanded me to get you and-"

For a moment, Eren just stared at a stuttering Armin, unable to sort out in his mind what the other had just said.

Then the corners of his mouth lifted, slowly, the smile grew, spread across his face, reached his eyes, exploded in his chest in a surge of exuberant warmth.

" Levi."

" He was small but really-", Armin stopped, took a closer look at him before his eyes widened. “ Wait. What? Levi? That Levi?"

The last remnant of his soul that had lingered in his body seemed to leave him at that moment. Eren would have burst out into laughter at the sight if he had not suddenly been in such a hurry.

He held Armin by the shoulders.

"Is he in the house?"

" Yes, yes. Along with a blond man. Eren, I-"

Eren's beam only got brighter. “ I'm going to kill that asshole.”

“ I don't think you want to do that Eren, because he was really scary.”

“ Thank you Armin.”, he could have kissed the other but there was no time. “ Thanks so much!”

“ Eren, I don't thi-”

“ It's okay. He's got no filter but he doesn't mean it. Most of the time.”

“ Most of the time?” Armin's voice went up two octaves and Mikasa patted him reassuringly on the shoulder.

“ I'll see you later!” Eren called over his shoulder.

He took off, picking up speed as he weaved through more and more people, running when he had the market behind him and an open street ahead.

The house wasn't far.

He hurried around the last corner, rushed to the door, and yanked it open.

It was a miracle he remembered to leave his shoes at the door.

Laughter from the kitchen.

Isabel's shrieks.

" And then he tried to-"

Furlan and Isabel both looked from the table to the hallway as Eren stumbled into the kitchen.

" Hey, Eren."

The blond man smiled as he stood up and approached him with open arms.

" It's been a while."

" A whole fucking while."

Eren hugged him tightly and then held him at an arm's length. He looked good. Healthy, well-rested, almost better than a month ago.

" How are you?"

The other laughed. " Life as a soldier isn't so bad. Three meals a day and always hot shower water.”

“ What took you so long? We've been waiting.”

“ I already pointed it out to him." Isabel said from the table and Furlan gave her a quick glance.

“ Pointed it out to me or yelled at me for everyone to hear?”

She stuck her tongue out at him.

" We were supposed to come earlier but Levi's horse was struggling with colic and then the rain came." Furlan explained, turning to Eren again.

Helen had been right after all.

" I see." Eren simply stated.

His eyes wandered over Furlan's shoulder across the room.

No Levi.

For a second he was afraid the other wouldn't be there.

A pinch in his side.

Furlan's knowing smile.

" He's upstairs in your room.”, He gestured to the stairs with a movement of his head. “ You know him. A little dust on his clothes and he goes nuts. Nearly took the poor guy's head who opened the door."

He gave Eren a shove in the back.

" Go see him."

“ I'll see you for dinner!”

“ Sure.”

Eren took the steps two at a time as he hurried upstairs.

He missed a step and only saved himself from dropping on his face by a bold grab for the stair railing.

His door.

He pulled it open far too hastily and stopped in the door frame.

Levi standing on one side of the bed, not in the uniform he had last seen him in but civilian clothes.

Safe and sound and there.

The stones didn't just fall from Eren's shoulders. Whole rocks burst apart and thunderously hit the ground around him.

" And here I was wondering what piss-face was tramping up the stairs like a fucking plow horse."

Levi's voice settled like warm honey on the holes that fear had torn, took the worry away with an ease that shouldn't possible.

“ Of course it could only be you.”

Levi could be terrifying.

Armin was right and Eren understood him.

But he understood Levi better.

The way his shoulders had noticeably relaxed when Eren had appeared in the door.

How his right hand had turned slightly in Eren's direction.

He could have thrown out word after word after word and the underlying longing in his voice would have still been screaming the loudest.

Levi had been waiting for Eren just as much as he had done and it filled him with uncontrollable happiness.

He felt the laughter bubble in his chest, relief at the other's presence too overwhelming for a second.

He could only hang his head, his shoulders twitching uncontrollably.

A plow horse.

He had been losing his shit and here Levi was, safe and sound in all of his glory, comparing him to a fucking plow horse and he loved every damn second of it.

Levi had finally made him lose it and he couldn't find it in himself to care.

“ Brat.”

Eren shook his head lightly.

" Give me a second. Just one moment."

" Oi."

He had not realized that Levi had already approached him.

Fast steps, an even faster hand that forced him to lift his head, fingers holding onto his chin.

“ You okay?"

Eren chuckled. “ Haven't been better in a long while.”

" Are you sure?"

It was the touch of Levi's hand that stopped his shoulders from shaking.

The other's lips slightly parted by a yet unspoken question led his gaze to his mouth.

" You're an asshole.” he then said quietly, without taking his gaze off his face.

“ Care to elaborate?”

" Shut up and come here."

He cupped Levi's face and pressed their mouths together before he could say anything else.

Closed in tighter against him, was met by no resistance and pushed him back far enough for the mattress to get in their way.

They fell softly. Eren on top, Levi under him.

Kisses feverish, the longing that had been pent up over weeks exploding in an insatiable urge for contact.

Hands exploring his body, his own fingers wandering over Levi's.

Eren wanted to keep going.

To get rid of his clothes and feel him all over, skin against skin, even more so when he gently bit Levi's lip and heard his soft, barely perceptible moan.

“ Wait.” Levi mumbled against his lips.

A hand on his shoulder stopped Eren and raised his head just far enough to look at him.

Gray eyes on him.

“ Let me see you.” Levi said, his voice rough.

“ Later.”

Eren sank down once more and kissed his slightly swollen mouth, barely managed to bring their tongues into contact when Levi gently pushed him back again.

“ Now.”

“ But-”

“ I want to see you. Let me...”, his voice uncharacteristically breathy.” Let me see you.”

Levi looked soft beneath him.

Breathtaking.

His eyes gentle as they lay on Erens, his fingers just as soft as they stroked through his hair.

Eren leaned into the touch, savoring it.

“ You grew tanner.” Levi stated.

“ I've been outside a lot.”

“ Good.”

Levi looked like he wanted to say more but then seemed to decide against it.

He just smiled, as he sometimes did when they were alone. Faint, almost nothing more than the slight twitch of the corners of his mouth.

“ I missed you.” Eren breathed out.

Levi's finger didn't stop their slow movements as Eren took his time to study his face.

He was the same as before.

And better.

Had the wrinkle always existed?

Eren ran a finger over the soft skin beneath his eyes and felt the irrepressible urge to have him closer.

He dropped down on the mattress beside him, wrapped his arms around him, only to pull him closer.

" I missed you.", he repeated, his face pressed to Levi's neck. " The past days were horrible."

His words only a mumble with his lips on the other's skin, but it didn't matter.

Levi's smell in his nose, lips leaving a soft kiss on his forehead.

It was enough.

Words weren't that important.

They remained in the same position for a while, enjoying the silence and the closeness that the presence of the other provided.

Levi's hand had found its way onto Eren's hip and was drawing invisible circles with his finger.

" How long will you stay?"

" Two nights."

Eren's heart leaped at his words.

Two whole nights together.

" This is more than I had hoped for."

Levi hummed in agreement. " We were supposed to be back tomorrow night, but shitty glasses gave us special permission. She's good for something after all.”

Eren lifted his head at that and looked at him with a furrowed brow.

" Who or what is shitty glasses?"

" I wrote a whole damn paragraph about the latest pain in my ass. Didn't you read it?"

" I never received any letter."

The movement on his hip stopped and Levi's face darkened in seconds.

“ What the fuck do you mean?”

“ That I didn't get any letter.”

A shade darker.

" Those fucking imbeciles. I knew it."

" You wrote me?"

" Of course I did. You think I'd forget you?”

At that, Eren beamed.

" Goddamn soldier at the mail office told me it would take a few fucking days to send the letter. I knew I shouldn't have trusted that son of a - Oi. What's there to smile about?"

" For the tiniest second I was afraid that you had really forgotten it. So I'm glad it's someone else that fucked things up."

Going by the expression that wandered over Levi's face, he didn't seem to know whether he should slap Eren or not.

Then he sighed deeply, only to prop himself up on his elbows afterward.

" Stop thinking. We know it never works out for you."

He pulled Eren closer with a hand around his neck and kissed him short but deeply.

“ Stuck in my mind every fucking minute of the day and still wondering if I forgot him. No one can make that kind of shit up, you hear me?”

" It could have been possible.”

" It couldn't have been possible, shithead. I wrote you two damn pages."

" I believe you."

" No, you don't understand how pissed off I am. I had to ask Smith for paper and I'd have preferred to stay on the toilet with diarrhea for two days than exchanging one more word wit-"

Eren successfully stopped his tirade with another kiss.

First on his lips, then another on his cheek, before he pulled him close again.

He laughed softly.

Relieved.

" I missed the curses."

" You definitely have a problem."

" You're my problem."

He had missed him so, so much.

Eren attacked him again and wrestled him back to the mattress, but was stopped again by Levi before the make-out session could get out of hand.

“ Eren?”

“ Hm?”

Another kiss.

“ I need to get up.”

“ No, you don't.”

Catching his lips another time before slowly working his way down his jaw.

“ Eren.”

“ Later.”

" I'm sweaty and I stink of horse. I have to get out of these clothes."

“ I'll help you.”

A quick movement and now it was Levi who straddled him, beautiful with his hair messed up in all the right places and lips slightly red.

" Trust me I'd love nothing more than to fuck you right now but no. We'll have time later."

" What did I do to you to deserve this?” Eren groaned, no part of his body happy about the sudden change of plans.

Levi leaned in to peck his lips once more and then quickly stood up before Eren could make a move to grab him.

Eren remained lying on the mattress and let his gaze roam over his body.

Levi had always been well-built, but now his muscles seemed to be more prominent under the fabric of his shirt.

" Do they make you exercise every day?”

" More or less. Mostly we have gear training or learn about strategies." Levi answered.

He took his bag and unpacked the contents on the bed.

It wasn't a lot.

Just enough to last for two days, Eren realized with a brief pierce in his heart.

"Where is the bathroom?"

Eren sat up. " I'll show you."

" Which means you follow me all the way to the bathroom?"

Eren folded his arms in front of his chest and playfully glared at him. " Do you think you'll get rid of me for even a minute of these two days?"

“ I didn't say anything.”

Eren took that as an invitation, stood up, and reached for Levi's hand before leading him out of the room and into the bathroom.

" Who 's the mushroom head?"

Eren sat down on the closed toilet lid while Levi inspected the bathroom with a glance.

There was no rude comment, so he seemed to be relatively pleased with what he saw.

Eren had put effort into cleaning.

"Armin."

" Kind of suits him.", Levi put down his belongings. " And what is he doing around here?"

" He knows Helen, the woman who takes care of the house. She used to be a soldier herself."

" Her name was mentioned a few times."

Levi pulled his shirt over his head and Eren's mouth went slightly dry as his gaze got stuck on his chest.

" Do they treat you well?"

Levi stepped up to the shower and turned on the water.

Eren nodded at the showerhead with his chin. " The water pressure is no joke."

" I can see that.", Levi held a hand under the water, much like Eren had done himself on his first morning. " I asked if they treat you well, Eren."

" Yes, really good. Helen cooks for us every day and Nanaba is nice to be around as well."

" What about mushroom head?"

Eren chuckled. " Call him Armin."

" Maybe later."

" Be nice. He's been nothing but a good friend. We practiced reading almost every day. He's smart, like really smart."

" Should I be worried, Jaeger?"

Eren slipped a finger into his belt loop and pulled in him between his legs, wrapped his arms around his naked torso and pressed his chin against his chest, held him close, warm and safe in his embrace, where he belonged.

Eren smiled up to him, heart filled to the brim with affection.

" Jealous?"

" Do I have a reason to be?"

Eren pressed a kiss against his chest before holding him tighter.

" Never."

Levi's presence did a lot of things to him.

Made him feel loved, beautiful, safe, woven into a cocoon of happiness.

“ I missed you, brat.”

Yes, filled to the brim and soon overflowing.

" I love you."

A strand of hair gently pushed behind his ear.

“ Stop being a sap.”

“ The day you'll stop bullshitting me, midget.”

“ Said the plow horse.”

Overflowing and spreading throughout his body, welcome in the safety of the bathroom, everything else turned out by the sound of the shower.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting to know Armin's POV. Check.  
> Have them all over each other again before we're diving back into drama. Check.  
> Procrastination. Check.

1.

At some point, Eren had followed Levi into the shower and when they finally came out again night had fallen on Shiganshina.

Levi had opened the window in Eren's room after getting dressed and now supported himself against the window sill while taking in the outside view. The house had been built on a rise, giving him a relatively good view of the surrounding area.

It wasn't yet completely dark outside, but rather a deep blue that became brighter where wall and sky met in the distance.

The sun hadn't fully set yet.

Once outside the wall, Levi would be able to see the sunset he had heard so often about.

It wasn't worth it, but at least something to look forward to.

He propped up his elbow and leaned his chin into his palm when a light breeze gently brushed through his still damp hair.

A few hairs tickled his forehead.

Temperatures had dropped to a comfortable level as the hour grew later. It wasn't unbearably hot during the days, but warm enough that Levi sometimes, in quiet moments, wished himself back beneath the surface where temperatures never had climbed over a certain degree.

Sounds behind him.

Steps.

A quiet thump, toe against closet, the closet the obvious winner going by Eren's muttered curses.

Levi smiled slightly and let his gaze wander further over the rooftops.

" What's that building over there?" he asked at one point.

" Which one?"

The opening and closing of a drawer.

" The red one with the black roof."

Levi didn't really care for the answer but wanted to hear it either way.

Footsteps drew closer to him. "I think it's the school."

It seemed to look like a school was supposed to look like, even though Levi had never seen one.

"And the one with the tower?"

Eren's chest against his back, one arm on each side, hands on the sill, locking Levi in.

His cheek leaned against Levi's temple.

How the hell had he grown so damn tall?

“ I think that one belongs to the military. I have seen soldiers entering a few times.”

Levi kept asking, aimlessly, just to keep listening to his answers.

A school, a bakery, the house of some grandmother with too many cats.

It sounded peaceful, just the way he had hoped for it to be.

A boring patch of earth somewhere in the sun where nothing ever happened.

Levi's mood had gotten worse and worse over the last few days.

First his horse had gotten sick, which he hadn't been upset about because he really liked her and she had already become a good companion to him in the few weeks they had been together. He had taken care of her, ready to leave the following day on another horse, but then the rain had set in and had prevented their departure by one more day.

Under other circumstances, he probably would have enjoyed his first rain.

The soothing sound of drops falling on the roofs, how everything had seemed so fresh and new when the clouds had moved on.

But not when the water came between him and Eren and finally being able to see where he spent his days.

Keeping patient had been more than difficult.

Levi pushed the thoughts away, not keen on letting them in again.

It didn't matter anymore. They were together now, pressed against each other, not an inch between them. He could finally breathe again.

Levi had seen enough of the city and turned to Eren, still encircled by his arms.

The other looked stunning.

All soft locks and tan skin, healthy and well-fed, a gift for Levi's eyes that had to be without him for far too long.

" Your skin." Eren said.

" What's with my skin?"

" You have new scars.", a soft finger on his collarbone. " I saw them in the shower."

Levi had hoped they would be gone by the time he arrived, but there were the scattered scratches on his back and shoulders, too deep to heal quickly enough.

" It's not important."

It truly wasn't.

" It is."

His palm warm on Levi's shoulder.

" It is important and I wasn't there. I'm sorry."

He let his head sink forward slightly, far enough so that Levi could no longer see his face as if there was a reason for which he had to be ashamed in front of Levi.

" I was hoping it would be alright. And now look at you."

" I'm fine, brat. No need to go all sappy on me.”

Eren didn't believe him and it was more than obvious in the way he looked at him again.

Tentatively.

Levi reached out and brushed a strand of chocolate hair behind his ear.

" Your hair has gotten longer. Want me to shorten it for you?"

Levi wasn't in the mood to talk about it, didn't want to ponder about something that could not be changed anyway, and wanted even less that Eren had to take part in it.

Eren, fortunately, seemed to understand immediately.

Like he so often did, in the blink of an eye, as if Levi had revealed and explained to him word for word how he felt.

He understood and didn't push further, although obviously unwillingly.

" Tomorrow."

" Good."

Levi pushed away from the window and Eren let him go.

On his way to his bag, Levi's gaze fell on the table.

He stopped slowly, looking at the book that lay there.

It had been a knee-jerk reaction to put it into Eren's bag the morning before they separated. The leading power behind it the urge to give him something personal, anything, that Eren could take with him on his journey.

In retrospect, a useless try to ease his own worry.

Uncharacteristically for him, yet nothing Levi could bring himself to care deeper about.

Many things were different when it came to Eren.

He stepped closer to the table and stroked the spine of the book with one finger. The imprinted letters were slightly raised and easy to feel.

" Can you read it?"

"I think so.", Eren said as he closed the window and drew the curtain. " I've only tried other books so far but I manage quite well with them."

Levi looked at him. “ Why didn't you try with this one?”

A sheepish grin. " I wanted to be with you when I first read it."

Levi liked the thought.

" Eren?"

A female voice.

" Come in." Eren called out.

The door opened and an older woman poked her head into the room.

" I prepared something for dinner."

She glanced at Eren as she spoke, then looked over at Levi.

"I'm starving." Eren pulled a hair band out of his pants pocket and tied his hair loosely.

“ You're always starving, Eren. One could think that you are still growing. As if you're not tall enough already.”

“Your food is too good.”

“ We both know that's a lie but I appreciate the comment nonetheless.”

She winked at Eren and stepped further into the room. " So you're Levi."

Levi crossed his arms in front of his chest and eyed her wordlessly.

Erwin had spoken of her a few times.

A highly decorated soldier, Captain back in her days, who was still given a lot of trust after her departure, especially from Erwin.

She didn't leave him with a bad feeling, seemed honest by the way she looked him openly in the eyes.

Eren liked her and so did she, judging by the motherly tone in which she had talked to him.

He would put her on the neutral pile for now and see where it went from there.

Her gaze wandered over him, took everything in from head to toe.

Then, she nodded and hummed in what looked like approval.

" I didn't know that all the pretty boys are hiding underground. I mean, Eren is drop-dead gorgeous and I definitely love the innocent charm that Furlan sends off but this brooding, dark vibe you have going on for yourself. Not bad. "

“ Helen...”, Eren groaned. “ Can you please just stop?”

“ I haven't pinched him, have I?”

“ Want to try?”

She chuckled in amusement. “ I'm not sure if you or he will rip me a new one if I did so I'll let it go this time.”

Levi watched the exchange wordlessly.

Then looked down, when suddenly a hand was extended to him.

"In any case, I'm glad to finally make your acquaintance. Eren talks about you day in and day out. It's sweet in a way, but annoying at some point."

“ When did I?”

" Only from the moment you get up until you go back to bed."

Levi had yet to move and she seemed to finally understand that he didn't plan to shake her hand.

She accepted the refusal without comment and pulled her hand back.

'Not bad', Levi caught himself thinking.

Far too often, people had forced themselves on him anyway, even when he had made it clear that he didn't want any physical contact.

He nodded at her skirt with a movement of his head.

" Why do you have two knives hidden in your skirt?"

“ Levi.”, Eren said, tone slightly pained, his eyes closed and his fingers on his forehead as if he had to massage away a starting headache. “ Really? That's the first thing you have to say to her?”

" What do you want me to say?"

" Hello, how are you? My name is Levi. Instead of pointing out the weapons hidden in her skirt.”

Levi clicked his tongue in slight annoyance and looked in the other direction. " Useless. She already knows my name."

" You're impossible."

" Apparently, it's a dark and brooding vibe, Eren."

Helen's gaze had jumped back and forth between them but when Eren now started to push their bickering even further she burst out laughing.

" Holy Crap.", she gurgled and rubbed her eyes. " I love you already. I truly do."

She continued to giggle as she went back to the door, only to stop close to it.

" It's not one but two -”, she then said over her shoulder to Levi. " - because you can never be prepared well enough. I'm sure you understand."

He did.

Completely.

Helen put a hand on the door handle.

" Come down before the food gets cold.”

With that, she disappeared into the hallway and left the two alone.

Eren was the first to move by scratching his head.

“ And that was Helen.”, he shrugged with a quiet chuckle as if that would explain everything. “ She's a bit crazy but has a good heart.”

Levi thought back to Hanji and found himself scowling. “ You haven't seen crazy.”

Eren gave him a slightly confused look for that but Levi just shook his head.

" Forget it."

Instead, he nodded to the door. “ Dinner it is then?”

“ You're ready?”

" What's there to be ready for?"

" Asshole.", Eren chuckled and pulled him into his side as he lead him to the door. " Be nice. I like the people here."

" I can't promise anything."

Eren pressed a kiss to his temple and then let him go to head down the narrow staircase in front of him.

Voices drifted up to them, the loudest of them of course Isabel, as always.

Levi didn't really feel like mingling with the people. He would rather have taken some food to his room and buried himself in bed with Eren.

However, the urge to know who it was that had entered Eren's and Isabel's lives was greater than his reluctance.

And there was Eren, beaming at him over his shoulder, green eyes full of anticipation as if there was nothing better in the world than showing Levi off to other people and Levi was too often not good at denying him the little joys.

* * *

2.

" Levi can seem a little intense at the first meeting. Like... really intense. But he doesn't always mean it.”

" Yeah. I mean, he calls Eren an idiot more often than anything else and we all know that he went so far down the road for him he can't find the way back."

Levi felt the beginnings of a headache behind his temples.

" Guys, please. If you would let m-"

" Isabel. Don't drag him around like that."

" I need to make my point."

No pain yet, but definitely a dull throb.

"I think Furlan is right. You shouldn't pull on him like that."

" Thank you, Eren. At least one of you understands."

Now in the other temple, too.

"You're all ganging up on me again! You say something too, Mikasa!"

" I'd rather stay out of this."

" Levi! Then at least-"

" Shut the fuck up. The slightest sound and you'll wish that wall was between you and me because it's the only thing that will save you from my shoe in your ass.”

He had not spoken particularly loudly, just enough for them to hear him.

Silence settled over the dark alley, as the night before had done

Soothing silence for his ears, which were more than overstrained after dinner.

Soothing silence for maybe ten seconds.

A tsk sound.

Isabel looked at him shaking her head, her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"That was more than counterproductive, Levi. When we're trying to convince Armin-" she put an arm around his shoulder and pulled him close." - that you're not out for his soul and body."

" She has a point." added Eren.

Even Furlan seemed conflicted.

" For fuck's sake."

Levi stomped over to the blond man, who seemed to instinctively press himself into Isabel's side, his blue eyes wide open.

They didn't give each other much in terms of size.

" The name's Levi. Keep the bullshit down and we got no problem with each other. No reason to twist your pants over me, goldilocks. Those imbeciles survived until now, you'll do just fine."

He huffed in another wave of annoyance.

" And thanks I guess.", he added then, for the sake of whatever the kid needed to calm down. " For taking care of those shit for brains. It's tiring, I know."

He turned to face the others behind his back.

" Is everyone happy now? Can we finish the bullshit and go then?"

" Woah…", Isabel breathed out. " A thank you at the first meeting."

" I'm surprised myself."

Furlan also seemed intent on driving him crazy that night.

Dinner had been an ordeal.

The food had been good, no question. A hearty stew with more meat than vegetables in it, enough to fill the hole in Levi's stomach.

And he would have been satisfied with it after a long day. Eren at his side, their hands intertwined under the table, the conversations held at the table a pleasant background sound that slowly made him a little sleepy.

Isabel had soon had other plans, however, and his quiet evening had turned into a question and answer session.

In the end, he had answered all the questions about the gear, their accommodations, and the food at headquarters twice, had had to comment on Erwin's eyebrows, and had been reminded of Captain Hanji, whose memory he had pushed far away into the darkest corners of his mind.

" She's fucking crazy. No wonder she couldn't catch any titan until now. Anyone would jump at the sight of her. That whole Survey Corps is a huge dump of fuckery.”

Helen had let out a loud snort and Nanaba had also looked slightly amused.

The sheer lunacy of these soldiers seemed to be no secret at all.

Eren had said relatively little as he spoke. He had eaten slowly, kept looking at Levi as he talked, and when he had finished his food turned far enough in his seat to put an arm on the back of Levi's chair.

He had that way about him when he was completely focused on what Levi was saying. His lips slightly parted, his gaze fixed on Levi's mouth.

The thought of going back to bed more than inviting again.

Only then, the idea of spending the rest of the evening in an inn with blondie and some Mikasa had come up, and Levi's mood had fallen into minus range.

He would never admit it easily, but he was tired from the long ride and the little sleep of the past days.

Helen and Nanaba declined right away and Levi had played with the thought but then Eren had watched him questioningly, slight concern in his gaze.

He would have stayed indoors with him, no question, but Levi could see how much he would like to go outside for a while, too.

And so here they were, somewhere in Shiganshina where their friends seemed to live, outside their house, the blond completely overwhelmed under an onslaught of dumbasserry and Levi rarely regretted anything, because choices were choices and the outcome not always what one had asked for, but right now he regretted joining them with passion.

Blue eyes on him, not necessarily fearful but nervous enough to be annoying.

Innocent.

Maybe Eren would have looked at him the same way if he hadn't been born in the same shithole.

Those of the woman, Mikasa, were different.

Gray. Calm.

Like they had seen things before.

Eyes that he could easily understand. Proud and strong, aware of it.

Still a huge pain in his ass like all of them but definitely not bottom drawer.

Neutral pile.

Moments passed before anything stirred in Armin's features.

His eyes less wide.

Once again a brief glance past Levi's face over his shoulder, probably at Mikasa, maybe Eren.

Mushroom seemed to like him.

The lips a thin smile then, a tentative hand in his direction.

" It's nice to meet you."

Somewhere balls underneath the exterior.

That and the fact that he helped Eren with reading.

Not bad.

Neutral bunch with tendency to positive.

Levi huffed.

" What the fuck is the problem with people shaking hands around here?"

He turned to Eren without giving Armin another glance.

" When the kindergarten is done can we finally go? Goddamn useless shits. All of you."

With that, he stomped off without waiting for a response and was promptly attacked from behind a few meters down the road.

" Thank you."

Eren's voice at his ear as he pulled him into his chest.

" For what?"

A chuckle.

" For trying. Armin doesn't look like he's about to keel over anymore."

" I want to drown all of you, just so you know. Stupid pissheads. If I had known you'd crawl up my fucking ass all night long, I would have stayed away."

" You wouldn't have."

" Try me."

He wouldn't have.

Eren didn't let go of him, even as Levi continued to walk. It was not perfect and kind of bumpy, but somehow it worked.

" I love you."

A kiss on his cheek.

" You're in a good fucking mood, aren't you?" Levi responded flatly.

" The best.”, his embrace the smallest bit tighter. “ I'm kind of happy right now.”

Everything he had ever wanted to hear.

Levi swallowed the next comment and let Eren guide him through the city.

* * *

3.

Armin had known from the first moment that Eren and Isabel were different.

Their jokes were coarser, their laughter louder, the nonchalance with which they moved through the city something he had never seen before.

Difference was frightening due to its unpredictability in a world that had become accustomed to certain rules and people tended to avoid it at all cost.

Unlike many others, however, Armin embraced these very differences. The unexplored, the new, had always attracted him the most.

Had his fear not held him back, he would have long ago volunteered for the military, perhaps even the Survey Corps. The thought of once leaving the walls and seeing the world outside, a dream that had kept him awake many nights.

He couldn't understand the displeasure that many members of the population felt towards the soldiers exploring the outside world when it was them who tried to expand the boundaries of everyone's existence at a great cost.

Maybe that was the reason why he felt so comfortable around Eren and Isabel.

They were so different, and yet in their own way so refreshingly honest, so uncritical of his opinions and ideas that Armin couldn't help but be drawn to them.

Eyes wide and mouths open, listening to his stories and theories, his dreams, when others would have chased him away long ago and Armin never, never felt out of place.

They brought fun, long afternoons in the sun and evenings by the fire.

He felt comfortable in their presence and Mikasa seemed to do so as well, judging by how often she followed him into Helen's house.

They had suddenly appeared in Shiganshina, one morning, without warning.

They had their fair share of secrets they carried, that much was clear, but Armin wouldn't try to probe them.

Maybe one day the trust between them would be big enough for them to let him in on their whole story.

Only time could tell.

So different, and yet through that so much easier to understand.

And Armin had expected something similar from those who were close to them, who hadn't joined them to live in Shiganshina but whose names were mentioned all the time.

Furlan seemed to be someone Armin had known for a long time, as often as Isabel spoke of him. Smart and warm, a shoulder to lean on, always calm, always collected, a voice of reason.

Armin had formed an image of him in his mind and it seemed he had met just that image in Helen's kitchen.

But then there was Levi.

Eren had talked about him a lot but had never really gone into detail.

He hadn't needed to.

Eren was so open with his emotions, even if it sometimes seemed like he was trying to hold back. The raw longing and love he felt for this man had been easier and simpler to read through one look into his eyes than any explanation through words could have conveyed.

And Armin had tried to imagine him.

Had tried to imagine someone who could complement Eren like no other.

Stubborn and no-nonsense, maybe a little more reserved than Eren, but still all smiles.

Definitely strong if he was a soldier.

The man who had stood next to Furlan in the kitchen had been a lot of what he had imagined, but also much more, and suddenly Armin hadn't been able to understand many things anymore.

Two sentences out of his mouth, one look at him, and the image had been destroyed.

Levi was handsome, like Eren, and yet different in every other aspect.

Black, silky hair, neatly combed.

Features that scratched on being edgy and yet could still be called soft. Small in stature, yet well trained.

A soldier through and through, as he had expected.

Then.

A razor-sharp gaze that seemed to take in every detail in seconds, his pose, brimming with confidence.

Strength, visible in the way he held himself.

Armin had seen this so far only with Mikasa, but even she didn't seem to be able to hold a candle to him.

His voice deep and calm, almost monotone, what left his mouth anything but it.

Armin couldn't understand.

Where Eren was laughter and brightness, Levi's was so dark.

Almost terrifying, when Armin was sure that he hadn't even really started with trying to intimidate him.

And Armin couldn't understand for the love of it, what it was that seemed to connect those two.

It was like day and night. Bright blue sky and a thunderstorm roaring on a sunny afternoon, tainting a once perfect day.

What made Eren's expression overflow with love when the other's name alone was mentioned when Armin couldn't run away fast enough?

And Armin had looked closer, as he always did when he didn't understand something because he couldn't live with not knowing.

Looked more closely, examined, and tried to understand.

Watched out the window as the group of four appeared in front of their house late that evening. Watched as Eren let go of Levi's hand to get to the front door and as that hand hung in the air the tiniest second longer, reaching out for Eren, before sinking back to his side.

Almost like magnets.

Consciously or not, the picture of what he had seen in Eren for weeks.

Come to me.

Written all over it.

Listened to Levi as he approached him, still startled at first, then less so when he saw Eren's almost proud smile over his shoulder.

As if the way he spoke was something good.

Listened more closely and realized, while it was no less scary and Armin would ask how many if he instructed him to do pushups, there was no malice behind his words.

No aggressiveness.

Honesty, and the urge not to talk around the subject.

A certain temper.

And yet whole expressions of love wrapped in what left his lips when it was addressed to Eren and Armin couldn't help but start to like this man, in a strange way.

And he continued to watch.

Watched how they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Had expected it from Eren, but not from Levi, who hadn't even wanted to shake his hand.

Hugs, hands that found each other, furtive kisses.

Levi less obvious and yet no less gentle. Hands that seemed steeled by stories about which Armin knew nothing, tender when they stroked through brown curls.

Saw them side by side at the table in the inn. A silent look that the two exchanged, their shoulders turned the slightest bit to each other.

Eren's gaze was warmer than Armin had ever seen it, Levi's not as free but that didn't mean he didn't look like he had anything less than the world in front of him as well.

So tender, so gentle, giving Armin the feeling as if he was something forbidden, something too precious, not meant for his eyes or anyone's.

And Armin understood.

  
They were as different as day and night, one louder, more open, the center of attention, the other quieter, more withdrawn, no less demanding when he put his mind to it.

  
But they shared the same will, the same urge to give the other what he needed and deserved.

  
Levi was rough around the edges, sharp and hard, ready to bore into you, and Eren let him have those edges and yet was nimble enough to get past them to reach him.

They complemented each other not at first, but at a second and third glance and all thereafter, the attraction between the two so obvious, so honest, so natural, meant to be.

It was a give and take, voluntary on both sides, a connection forged through shared years, experiences Armin didn't know but wanted to learn about.

Maybe even fate, something Armin didn't believe in but wanted to.

Different, and yet more similar than one would have guessed at first glance.

Armin lowered his gaze and smiled at the table.

He finally understood.

* * *

4.

Levi sipped slightly at his beer and then put it back on the table.

It wasn't bad, but he preferred less bitter versions.

It was warm in the inn, the tables packed, small groups scattered all over the room. The innkeeper and his waitresses were running up and down with large mugs of beer.

" Take that!"

A few tables away, Isabel threw the dices with too much momentum.

For a brief moment the group was quiet, then she thrust her fist into the air with a howl of victory while the men around her groaned.

" How do you do it?" Hannes, the soldier who had come to their table earlier and asked them to play. He threw a few coins on the table, which Isabel quickly collected.

" It's all a matter of skill.", she pointed at the dices. " Another round."

" Is.", Fulan's face into Levi's field of vision. " I think you've had enough beer."

" Not even close! Next loser buys a round!"

He met Eren's gaze briefly.

The other laughed and gestured for him to join him.

Levi shook his head. The idea of being among all the bodies crowded around the table was less than inviting.

" They mix up the city." said Armin from beside him.

Judging by his smile, he didn't really seem to mind.

" It's gotten a little livelier."

" Too lively for my eardrums." replied Levi, as Eren and Isabel burst into howls again a second later.

Furlan had moved on to just standing next to them while shaking his head.

" Don't you want to go over there too?"

For whatever reason, Armin had become more talkative over the last hour.

It mattered little to Levi. He still held back and only spoke to him now and then, just enough to be tolerable.

" Even Mikasa seems to be having her fun. She usually doesn't have any interest in gambling."

Levi looked back to their table and watched the woman.

Her pale skin was slightly flushed around the cheeks. It seemed like it wasn't interest, but the alcohol that made her participate in the game.

" You join them."

With that, Levi stood up and headed for the door without another word, the urge for some fresh air too great to spend even a moment longer in the stuffy room.

He hadn't expected it to be any different.

Shiganshina was not particularly large, and for the most part filled with residential homes and stores. The townspeople all crowded into the few inns available.

  
He passed a soldier who had been trying to flirt with a redhead at the bar since they had entered the store a while ago and finally reached the door.

  
He pushed against it, stepped outside, let the heavy wood fall shut behind him, and was enveloped by a welcome silence.

As if he had stepped from one reality to another, from voices and shouts and the scraping of chair legs on the floor to the sound of the night, only sometimes interrupted by snatches of conversation and laughter.

Levi walked the few steps over to a house entrance, inspected the stair tread, brushed away any lingering dust with his hand, and then when he was halfway satisfied, let himself sink down on the dark wood.

A deep sigh escaped him.

He closed his eyes for a moment and let his head sink forward.

He felt the last week in every muscle and bone, stronger than he had in a long time.

And yet.

He exhaled deeply another time and raised his head again.

The night was pleasant when it didn't always surround you.

Quiet.

Kind of beautiful, too, maybe.

There was something about Shiganshina that made him feel at peace or as much peace as he was able to feel.

Something that made him do stupid things, like dreaming.

Let himself think about not wanting to move to Rose or Sina but find a little house out here.

Fuck the rich and their castles. A small farmhouse would work for them.

He looked up at the dark sky, where countless stars shone.

Truly peaceful.

The door was pushed open.

" Levi!"

So much for that.

Armin rushed into the alley and toward him when he spotted him in the dark.

" One of the soldiers and Eren! They are about to fight! Mikasa is in the washroom and I can't find Furlan and Isabel is- it doesn't matter. You have to come!"

Levi didn't even bother to stand up.

" Let them fight."

Armin was almost on his way inside again, but now he stopped to stare at him in disbelief over his shoulder.

The door fell shut.

" But-"

" The second from the right, isn't it? Dark hair, looking like a fucking hobo. Had five beers in the past hour.”

Levi rubbed his tired eyes.

" After he lost for the second time he started staring at Eren. I saw it, and Eren noticed it too."

Inside, it got a little louder.

Clanking.

Armin's head frantically whipped over to the door and then back to him.

" Don't you want to help?"

" No."

" Why not?”

"I want everyone to know that he's not to be messed with, even when I'm not around."

He slowly got back on his feet and pushed his hands into his pockets.

"Eren knows what he's doing. That guy.", Levi scoffed. " He's got nothing on him. Sober or drunk."

Armin still didn't look convinced.

At all.

Levi wouldn't stop him. If he wanted to run inside again, he could be his guest.

He had already said enough, already explained more than he had actually intended to.

Same as with Mel and he couldn't help but be annoyed by it.

Armin's posture slowly slackened.

" There's still a lot I don't know. About all of you."

A hand in his blond hair, a slight uncertainty in his whole demeanor.

The shouting had quieted down.

“ Do you want to know more?”

“ Yes.”

The answer without hesitation, plunging Levi into thoughtfulness about whether he really wanted to know the truth or if he would prefer the lie behind which they hid after all.

Armin didn't know what baggage they carried with them Levi couldn't find it in himself to condemn him for his ignorance.

Ignorance truly was bliss.

He would condemn him if he acted as someone to rely on and then let Eren fall at the first given chance but somewhere he had hope in Armin.

For now, he would let him be.

The door opened again, letting them both look at the small group coming outside, Eren in front, Mikasa and Furlan at his side, Isabel with Hannes last.

Hannes stepped up to Eren's side. " I'm really sorry, Eren. He's not usually like this."

" It's okay," Eren grinned widely. " He was drunk and lost money. It would have been strange if he hadn't snapped."

Isabel walked over to Levi. " He knocked him out with a headbutt! Out cold in a second! I wished I'd been there sooner!"

Levi scoffed. “ Graceful."

Eren grinned as he approached him. “ Effective.”

Levi pressed a finger against his forehead and he contorted his face in obvious pain as he pulled back.

“ So what now?” Armin asked when Eren had stopped cursing.

Levi felt a dark foreboding.

"I would like to invite you to a drink as compensation. Maybe in another inn." Hannes said, addressing the group.

Of course.

All eyes on him.

“ What the fuck do you want?”, Levi rubbed his eyes and then waved a hand through the air. “ Just go, wherever the fuck it is you want to go. I gave up a long time ago.”

More shouting.

“ One more hour, I promise.” Eren said as he pulled Levi after him.

* * *

5.

One more hour turned into two.

" Come on, three more steps."

Eren hung on him like a wet sack and the staircase up to their room proved to be a challenge.

"Next time you drink that much, I'll leave you in a ditch, you hear me?"

" No, you won't."

No, he wouldn't and even Eren in his alcohol-induced mind got that fact right.

Levi half-dragged him to the door and opened it with one hand while the other held Eren.

He was radiating heat. Tonight, they wouldn't need a blanket.

" Levi?"

" Walk now, talk later."

A few steps through the darkness to the bed.

Levi didn't feel comfortable with just putting him into bed, but Eren wouldn't make it to the shower by any stretch of the imagination.

" Levi?" repeated Eren when he had finally sunk down on the mattress.

" What is it?"

“ I'm sorry. You must be tired.”

Arms wrapped around him and tugged him closer, Eren's head pressed into his belly.

“ It's fine.” Levi said, more softly.

“ I had fun.”

“ I didn't.”

It hadn't been too bad.

Eren giggled into his shirt, then somehow managed to lift his eyes to look at him.

" Do you want to know what's the best thing about the surface?"

" I just want you to finally sleep."

Eren smiled at him, his eyes half closed.

" Still you."

Sometimes it still hit Levi like a hammer, deep in the pit of his stomach.

That Eren gave it to him. This infinite trust, the love that he could give to anyone out there.

He had chosen Levi.

Soft breaths.

Eren had fallen asleep.

Levi lingered in the same position for a few moments longer, enjoying the closeness, the subsiding of the high surging through his head, before gently pushing Eren back until he seemed to be lying reasonably comfortably on the mattress.

Watched him a bit longer.

Then he went to the window, pushed the curtain aside to check if the shadow, who seemed to have followed them was still there.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Already ten chapters in and so much more story left... Thanks to everyone who takes the time to read and comment and leave kudos!!!! I love you all!

1.

Levi was vulnerable in the worst, heartbreaking ways during many nights.

He was vulnerable in the best, butterfly-inducing manner during some rare, early mornings when the nightmares had released him from their clutches but he hadn't found his way back to consciousness yet.

When Eren woke up first and could watch him.

Then, when Levi looked warm and soft, his legs pulled close to his body, his hands cradled next to his face, his dark eyelashes suddenly appearing longer in contrast to his pale skin.

Eren had spent an unhealthy amount of hours simply watching him in his sleep.

Slightly creepy?

Yes.

Pointed out by Levi colorfully when he caught him doing it?

Yes.

Did Eren care?

No.

Not at all when something almost compelled him to study Levi and the rare innocence that settled on his features, while imagining – hoping - that for once only sweet dreams or blissful nothingness resided behind his closed lids.

Eren had to be very still, motionless, if he wanted to enjoy the view. Levi never slept too deep and the smallest sounds and movements were able to pull him out of his slumber.

He would have done the exact same thing that morning.

Would have spent the time until Levi woke up by taking in the sight of him breathing through slightly parted lips, his black hair a mess on the white pillow.

Would have checked his face for the sign of a freckle, anything that showed that he had lived under the sun for some time now.

He would have simply laid and watched him for the first time in a month.

But the headache, which started a few seconds after he had regained his senses and raged through his head like a knife through his skull, put a stop to his plans pretty quickly. Sunlight fell through the window, only faint and pale but strong enough to let the pain behind his eyes flare up worse.

He groaned, his mouth dry as dust, as memories from the night before hit him.

Damn beer.

He turned to his back and rubbed over his closed eyes until colorful flashes danced in front of them. In the process, he moved the tiniest bit too much and Levi began to stir beside him.

So much for watching him.

" Stop moving.”

His voice deeper than usual, roughness slight but there, the threat of the pain he would induce if Eren didn't comply carried in his words.

" I think I'm about to die." Eren moaned when mild nausea kicked in.

" Care to leave this world quietly?"

Levi presented him with his back as he turned to his side before pulling the blanket over his shoulder.

" My head hurts."

" Good.”

Levi made himself more comfortable.

“ I mean it.”

“ And I don't?”

“ Do something.”

Eren slid closer to him until Levi's back was pressed against his chest and shoved his face into his hair, grateful for the darkness that enveloped him now.

“ They brew the beer stronger up here.”

A soft snort, more of a simple emitting of air. Levi didn't push him away so Eren took it as a win for himself.

" After how many rounds did you realize that? Four?"

" It was Isabel's fault. She dragged me into this hell."

" Isn't it always Isabel's fault?"

“ You got it.”

Eren held on to him tighter, one flat hand on his chest, the other intertwined with Levi's cooler one.

" A little compassion would be nice."

" After you shitheads dragged me around town for hours?"

No the worst argument.

“ Sorry.” Eren mumbled into his hair.

Levi simply squeezed his hand.

“ Your pain is vengeance enough.”

“ Well, thank you. Aren't you a ray of sunshine in the morning?”

“ I always am. It's part of my striking personality.” Levi responded flatly.

Eren chuckled quietly and pressed a kiss to the soft skin behind his ear. His head stung again and he groaned before resting his head back in his pillow.

" Let's sleep a little longer."

" Eren. Before you sleep aga-”

" Later." he mumbled, already half asleep again, the steady rise and fall of Levi's chest under his fingers a quiet lullaby.

* * *

2.

Eren paused, then pulled his toothbrush out of his mouth.

"What do you mean?"

Foam dripped into the sink and Levi gave him a grossed-out look.

“ Disgusting.”

“ Sawy.”

More foam on the mirror, Levi's scowl darker and Eren went over to simply smile bashfully instead of opening his mouth.

"Finish first, savage." Levi said with a sigh and started to brush his own teeth.

He looked cute.

His hair slightly tousled, his collarbone exposed in Eren's too big shirt, the pant legs of Eren's trousers folded over twice only to still touch the floor when he walked.

Positively adorable behind the safety of a closed door with only Eren to see.

Levi scowled at him through the mirror when he noticed eyes on him.

Eren beamed back.

They continued brushing their teeth, the silence interrupted now and then by an elbow being pushed into a rip and the following curse or a foot stepping on the other, not at all by accident.

" Now, again. What was I supposed to notice?" Eren asked after he had rinsed his mouth.

Levi wiped his mouth with a towel before answering.

" I had a feeling that someone was keeping an eye on us yesterday.”, he explained again. “ But I sat by the window for an hour last night and didn't notice anything out of the ordinary."

He clicked his tongue the same way he always did when he was annoyed or deep in thought.

“ I should have gone out again and checked.” he then added, clearly unhappy about it.

Eren slightly tilted his head in thought.

"I didn't notice anything though.”

" How the fuck could you have noticed anything last night? It's a miracle I got you into bed."

Levi threw the towel in his face with perfect precision.

“ I'm not only talking about yesterday. Other than that, did you notice anything? Did someone try to pick a fight? Threaten you?”

Eren caught the towel before it could fall to the floor. “ As if I wouldn't have told you.”

“ Who knows, you little shit. Half of the time you don't ev-"

" Levi.", Eren interrupted the tirade that surely would have followed. " There was nothing. Believe me."

Levi seemed unconvinced but said no more.

He still found it hard to let go of the reins, and Eren understood him all too well.

Just because they were on the surface now didn't mean that the years, the experiences, the hardships they had endured in the Underground just disappeared and Levi had more often than not been the one to save Eren's ass.

He worried and that was alright with Eren.

Sometimes, though, Levi disregarded the fact that Eren was more than capable of taking care of himself and hadn't simply left his instinct for danger at the first crossroads toward Shiganshina.

Eren took his hand and squeezed it. " There is nothing. You were tired yesterday. Maybe your eyes were playing tricks on you."

" I was tired a huge part of my life, brat, and my eyes never played a trick on me."

Eren released Levi's hand, pulled his hairband out of his hair, and ran his fingers through his brown locks. They now reached his shoulders.

" Even if someone happened to fuck with us. I'm paying attention, okay?"

Levi studied him for a moment, the corners of his mouth slightly pulled down, and then nodded, albeit slowly.

" I sure as hell hope so."

Eren sure as hell would take care of anything directed in his way. Levi had enough of a burden to carry.

He was about to make his way to the shower to turn on the water when Levi motioned at him with a nod of his head.

“ Want me to take care of the bird nest before you shower?”

Eren paused. He took a strand of hair between his fingers and held it in front of his eyes. The tips were a little damaged.

“ Don't cut it too short though.”

“ Quit the whining and give me some scissors.”

He wouldn't. Eren knew how much Levi liked his long hair.

After a bit of searching, they finally found a pair of scissors in the closet. Eren sat sideways on the toilet seat, a towel around his shoulders, while Levi went to work.

"Don't screw it up."

Levi stopped for a second.

"One more word and I'll rethink the bowl cut.”

“ You wouldn't dare.”

" Watch me, asswipe."

" You're a dick."

" And you look like a fucking hobo."

Eren leaned his head back so far that he could see the other behind him, although upside down. Levi just glared at him for a moment, but then leaned down and pecked his waiting lips before gently flicking his ear.

“ Sit straight again or this will take hours.”

Eren did as he was told, satisfied with the kiss, and closed his eyes while Levi tampered with his hair.

The headache had improved after another hour of sleep and a hastily drunken glass of water and Levi's fingers now took the last sharp edges of pain. After a shower, he would be back to normal.

" Do you like Armin, Mikasa and Helen?" Eren asked after a while.

“ I've met worse.”

Eren grinned. In Levi's world, that wasn't too small of a compliment.

“ They seem to like you a lot.” Levi continued after a few more hairs had fallen to the ground. He came around from behind Eren and stood in front of him as he continued to cut.

" Stay careful though."

“ You're such a fucking worrywart, you know that?”

Levi stopped to look down at him. “ Don't come running to me if your mushroom head wants nothing more to do with you when he finds out what hole you crawled out of."

Eren squeezed his side, having received the underlying message loud and clear.

“ I won't get hurt, don't worry.”

He had already thought about this situation himself. Armin and Mikasa didn't seem like people who would judge him for his background, but of course, he couldn't be fully certain about it.

Time would tell.

Levi simply continued his work without another comment.

It didn't take him a lot longer and when he finished Eren's hair stopped a little above his shoulders. He surveyed himself in the mirror.

" Thanks. It looks good."

Levi put the scissors down at the edge of the sink and gestured with his head to the shower. " If you have admired yourself enough could you now have the fucking goodness to take a shower?"

" Are you implying that I stink?" Eren asked, but was already starting to pull his shirt over his head. It was the same one he had worn last night and he was starting to feel a little gross himself.

" I don't have to imply anything. It's clear for anyone who has a nose."

Eren just laughed good-heartedly.

" Come with me then."

The shower was small but he had enjoyed their activities the day before far too much to want to get into it alone.

“ You're unbelievable.”

“ I'll spend every minute with you, Levi. Haven't I told you yesterday?”

At that point, even Levi couldn't help but smile slightly.

Eren was about to go to the shower and turn it on when Levi's hand around his wrist stopped him again.

" Brat."

Eren looked at him questioningly

" Wanna go somewhere today? Alone?"

The smile that spread over Eren's face almost hurt.

* * *

3.

" Why is that letter arriving now, two weeks after I send it?"

Levi stood in the open doorway and, judging by the shock on the mailman's face Eren could make out over Levi's shoulder from where he was standing a few steps away, looked as happy as he sounded.

Therefore, not at all.

" I'm waiting."

The poor man loosened his shirt collar with two fingers and looked down uncertainly at the letters in his hand.

" I-”

" I was constipated for a week once and it still managed to get my shit out faster than it took for this letter to get here from Rose.", Levi took a small step towards the man like a predator would with its prey and the pitiful guy moved back just as far. “ Spit it out.”

It was the tiniest bit amusing to watch but Eren then took pity on the young man who seemed on the verge of bursting into tears.

Levi could be mean when he put his mind to it.

" He's just the mailman, Levi." he said as he joined the two at the door.

Gratitude and relief flooded the man's face at the sight of Eren, then obvious surprise when Eren, without fear of losing it, put his arm around Levi's shoulder.

“ I'm sure he has nothing to do with mail distribution inside of Rose.”

Levi glared up at him. " He can at least convey the message."

“ What message? That next time they fuck up someone will lose a limb?”

A startled squeal.

" I'll just take that.", Eren mustered the brightest smile possible and took the letters out of his still outstretched hand. " Have a nice day and sorry."

" Yes. Good... goodbye." He had barely uttered the last syllable before he was hurrying away from the door and down the street, his bag flying behind him.

" You didn't have to put him through the wringer. It's not his fault."

Eren closed the door with his foot and looked at the letters in his hand. Both with Helen's address on it, but one also bore a small 'E' on it.

Not his whole name because Levi was careful and suspicious of everyone and everything, no matter what he did.

“ You're convinced about that?”

" I'm sure the mail office has better things to do than conspiring against you."

Levi wrote neatly, his letters small and straight. Eren smiled and stroked the letters with one finger.

He followed Levi down the hall to the kitchen, a broad smile on his face that seemed impossible to get rid of today.

" Do you want to read it right away?" Levi asked. He had stepped up to the table and was going through the content of his bag again.

" Later. I'd rather leave right now."

They had just finished packing some food when the mailman had knocked on the door and disturbed their preparations for their trip.

Eren slipped the letter into his pocket and left the other on the table.

" I'll just give a quick shout out to the others." he then told Levi before jogging up the stairs to the bedrooms.

Helen had left the house half an hour ago, but Eren hadn't seen any of the others yet, even though it was getting close to noon.

He knocked on Isabel's door once and then, when there was no answer, peered cautiously into the room.

" Furlan? Is?"

He managed to dodge the pillow that was thrown in his direction with full force by a few centimeters.

" Quiet! My head!"

He suppressed a laugh.

It filled him with devilish satisfaction that he wasn't the only one not able to tolerate the beer up here.

" Levi and I are spending the day out of town."

" Okay." Furlan's groggy voice.

Eren quietly closed the door and then continued down the hall to Nanaba's room.

It was weird having to tell someone about his whereabouts, but if it was important to the soldier to know where he spend his time then he would comply. She was only doing her job, after all.

When he knocked on her door she answered right away.

" What can I do for you? " She asked kindly from where she sat at her table, some papers spread out in front of her.

" Levi and I spend the afternoon outside Shiganshina."

Nanaba nodded.

" You'll be back by evening?"

" I'll make sure of it.”

He was about to go outside again but stopped when a thought occurred to him and turned back to her.

“ Isabel has a hangover, so you might want to avoid her today."

She smiled. " Thanks for the head up."

He said his goodbye, gently closed the door, and went back downstairs to Levi, who was already dressed and waiting at the door.

" Ready?"

Eren hurried to put on his shoes.

“ Ready.” he then said and followed Levi outside to the street, almost skipping as he imagined the hours to come.

Levi gave him a look under a raised eyebrow but Eren ignored it and took him by the hand to pull him a little faster to where he knew they had stabled their horses.

* * *

4.

_Eren._

_There is no damn paper anywhere in this headquarter except in the captains' offices. I would have thought it would have been easier to get hold of it, but apparently the fuckers up here aren't rich as they always pretend to be._

" Woah, fascinating."

Eren lowered the letter and looked over at Levi, who was sitting next to him on the blanket.

" What?"

" You write exactly the way you talk. It's like you're whispering profanities in my ear."

Levi snorted. " Keep going."

Eren was only too happy to do as he was told.

They had not been riding for too long. Eren was unsteady in the saddle, even if he could hold on to Levi, and the unfamiliar position quickly became uncomfortable for him.

So they had stopped at a lush and green meadow where Levi's horse could graze comfortably and had spread the blanket they had packed on the ground in a sunny place.

It was warm. A few birds chirped in the distance. A light breeze brushed through the grass, carrying the faint scent of flowers to them. Levi's horse grazed a few yards away and somewhere in the distance the water of a narrow river streamed passed them.

Perfection.

Eren slowly kept on reading out loud.

_The people here are just as useless as I expected. One has wet dreams about Titans, one sniffs people as if the smell of sweat helps him to get into the mood for some good jerking off. Then of course there's Eyebrow and we both know how I feel about him. Not to mention a whole bunch of other people who have nothing better to do than getting on my nerves._

Levi and Furlan had talked quite a bit about life at headquarters the night before, but Eren had been far too distracted by Levi's sheer presence to listen completely to everything they said.

"The one with the wet dreams is Shitty glasses, right?"

Levi nodded, his gaze darkening slightly as he seemed to remember something.

" She believes I can help her capture Titans alive."

Eren had wanted to continue reading, but now he lowered the letter again and turned back to Levi, the smile gone from his lips and replaced by a slight frown.

" I do hope this isn't something you plan to take part in."

A breeze brushed through Levi's hair.

" I don't intend to help her in any way more than I have to. And capturing Titans alive is not on my list."

" Good."

Eren had managed relatively successfully to push unwelcome thoughts and ideas away from himself, but triggered by Levi's words they seemed to want to come crashing down on him again.

He quickly set about reading on.

_We train all day long. I don't know how many times I ran through this pores-_

" Forest." Levi interrupted him.

" Ah. It's an F."

Eren ran his eyes over the sentence and then started to read it again.

_\- I ran through this forest and attacked some random cardboard signs. After that, they sit us down in a room and talk about strategies for hours. It's somehow interesting, but you with your pea brain would probably fall asleep after ten minutes._

The last paragraph had been a bit more difficult, but after a second attempt, Eren mastered it.

_The food is bad, the washrooms dirty and the other soldiers even more so but after living with you for a few years nothing truly shocks me anymore._

There.

A small slip in the otherwise perfect-looking writing.

Eren understood and said nothing.

It was the bouts of missing the others that he himself went through again and again, memorialized in Levi's writing.

_Still, I have to say that the soldiers here are well trained and I can understand why they have a good reputation. Definitely better than many members of the Military police but that isn't difficult to achieve because those fuckers barely manage to shoot a hook straight forward._

_I hope you've managed to pull your shit together the past weeks and I hope you manage to do the same in future. Anyone tells me you've been acting like a little shit again, you're dead._

A painful tug in his chest.

_We're fine here so you can stop worrying. Don't try to deny it. I know for a fact that you don't get enough sleep because you're crying into your pillow as if they'd pay you for it. Take care of the important things. Get some exercise. I know you're bad with the gear but I wouldn't want it to become too obv-_

Eren dropped the letter, fell around Levi's neck and pulled him into his chest under the sudden urge to have him close.

" I missed you so much."

Kissed his temple, his cheek, pushed him to his back on the blanket and caught his lips as well, forgot about time and everything around him as he took what he craved for and hopefully gave Levi what he needed.

Levi let him.

Pulled him a little closer to deepen the kiss, his hand a gentle weight on the back of Eren's head.

" Are you okay?"

The questions quietly spoken between two kisses, accompanied by Levi's hand that tugged a strand of hair behind his ear.

Short, still containing everything one in their circumstances needed to know.

Eren paused, looked down at Levi leaning on one forearm, the other arm loosely around him.

Felt the warm sun on his back, Levi under him. Thought about the dinner they would eat later and the comfortable bed they would sleep in.

Paused and wanted to say yes.

Thought of tomorrow, when he had to say goodbye again. Of the months to come. About how scared he was sometimes.

Didn't know what to say as he leaned down to press another kiss to the corner of Levi's mouth.

" Right now I am. But not always." he then confessed when they separated again and Levi nodded slowly.

" It's not perfect. ", he looked past Eren to the sky. “It's still better, though.”

Eren slid onto his back beside him to watch the sky as well, thinking about Mikasa's and Armin's parents, walls and soldiers, farewells, pain you had to live with no matter where you went.

Thought about chances and futures and green meadows under a blue sky, on which white, fluffy clouds slowly passed by.

Eren's hand found Levi's.

Yes.

It wasn't a paradise, but here at least they had a chance for it to become one.

* * *

5.

Two months later

" Right there, Mel! Try shooting the hooks into the tree again! Yeah, that's it!"

Mel flew across the training field, brought about the desired rotation, and then landed semi-softly in the grass next to Furlan.

They exchanged a few words.

Now that Furlan wasn't yelling anymore what they said was inaudible to Levi, who was on the open passage between two towers too high and too far for both of them to notice him.

Seeing how Furlan squeezed Mel's shoulder and how the younger beamed all over his face spoke volumes though.

Levi sighed deeply.

Mel had improved, yes. Furlan and he had both taken time out of their days to practice with him.

But he still took a millisecond too long to decide, and his hooks didn't always hit the best target. Fear also overcame him far too often and made him slow down even more and it made Levi uneasy in

The boy was still a huge pain in his ass, but he was so young.

Levi propped himself up on the wall in front of him with his forearms. The hard stone edges dug slightly painfully into his skin, but he ignored the pain.

He detached his gaze from the two men below and let it wander into the distance.

The sky had turned slightly red with the evening and now gradually became darker. The forest that surrounded the area of the headquarters within some distance lay dark before him. In the distance, he thought he could see Wall Rose.

Tomorrow they would take part in their first expedition.

Erwin, having been officially declared Commander of the Scouts a few weeks ago, had moved relatively quickly with planning expeditions outside. There had been two smaller expeditions with few soldiers, in which Levi and Furlan, as well as Mel, had not yet participated in.

Now, however, a larger expedition was planned, which Erwin was determined to bring across the stage before the end of the year. Fall had already begun and Levi could see it in the leaves that were slowly turning colorful and feel it in the temperatures that were dropping more and more every night.

If they waited too long, winter would hit them hard.

Levi had been listening deep inside himself for the last few days.

Had searched and dug but felt no real fear for himself.

He had been well prepared, managed well with the other soldiers in his squad, with his horse, with the new equipment.

Perhaps panic would hit him briefly when he finally faced a Titan. But it wouldn't overtake him, and it certainly wouldn't stop him.

He had to keep the promise he gave Eren after all.

No, Levi wasn't scared for himself.

But.

His gaze fell back to Furlan and Mel, who were now making their way back to the castle.

He found his stomach in nervous knots thinking about them.

Furlan hadn't been sleeping well in the last few days and it was more than evident from the slightly dark shadows under his eyes. He could try so often to smile it away, Levi wasn't a fool.

Mel was a mess, plain and simple, and for everyone to see. If there was any way for him to get out of the military then Levi would have made him do it long ago, but between losing a leg, retiring, and being transported away in a coffin there weren't many possible options.

Levi would have to keep an eye on the two of them, all the way through. Furlan was his priority, Mel would come afterward and he would make sure to get both of their asses back to the castle.

For the umpteenth time, he was more than relieved not to have to see Eren down there on the training ground.

Concern for Furlan made him lie awake at night, Mel gave him a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach, but if Eren was there he would quite literally lose it right this instant.

" So this is where you are."

He hadn't been surprised by the voice. The sound of footsteps inside the castle walls had been an indicator that someone was approaching for quite some time.

The creaking of the door that led out onto the passage.

Levi looked over his shoulder and watched Erwin Smith approaching him with his usual purposeful steps.

" Well, well, well.", Levi drawled out, still leaning against the wall. "You've left your cave."

Erwin stopped next to him and looked down at the field.

“ Mel has improved a lot since you two started to look after him." he then said, ignoring Levi's obvious sarcasm.

" It's not like he could get any worse."

" You both did a good job."

Levi eyed him from the side, not in the mood for any kind of small talk with the man.

" What do you want?"

Erwin still managed to rile him up with his mere presence.

The stoic manner that made him so hard to read, when Levi hated nothing more than not knowing the intentions and drives of his counterpart.

The fact that he had pushed them into this situation.

His face.

Maybe Levi should hold him responsible for the office fucking up his mail as well.

But, in all of his dislike, there had also been the slightest change in what existed between them.

Levi wouldn't describe it as a relationship. More like a forced coexistence.

Erwin had kept his word, at least until now. Levi had been able to visit Eren regularly and he and Isabel were doing well in Shiganshina.

He treated others with respect, fake or not, knew what he was doing, and developed strategies that made sense.

He actually seemed to care about all his soldiers and if Levi had to submit to a commander, then it should at least be one who didn't treat them like dirt.

He didn't force Levi to adhere to the pointless protocol, to annoying hierarchies that slowed things down unnecessarily. Levi showed him the minimum of respect when other soldiers were present, but never when they were alone, and Erwin let him.

He didn't even blink an eye when others complained to him about Levi.

Levi wouldn't put the expedition in danger, would stick to what his Commander would order him to do, provided he didn't lose his head for it, but to do that he didn't need to stand at attention at every unnecessary opportunity.

No, they were far from developing a frictionless interaction with each other, but Levi could at least be around him for a few minutes without flying off the handle.

" Do you feel well prepared for the expedition?"

Furlan and Mel had disappeared somewhere in the castle when Erwin started talking again.

Levi frowned.

" What's with the question all of a sudden?"

Erwin looked at him.

"Furlan and you are the only non-volunteer members in our ranks. It is of particular concern to me to inquire about your well-being."

" It's a little late for remorse, isn't it? Now that you're sending us outside the walls."

" Remorse is one of my constant companions. I must learn to deal with it, now more than ever as Commander."

Levi pushed away from the wall and turned so that he could lean his back against it.

He crossed his arms in front of his chest and said nothing, not in the mood to go into the subject any further.

Erwin didn't seem to have expected anything else. Instead of asking more, he slipped a hand into his jacket pocket and pulled out a folded paper, which he held out to Levi.

He considered it with a look under his raised eyebrow.

" What is it?"

" A message to you from Lovof was intercepted. It was hidden rather skillfully and it almost escaped my people. He seems to be getting restless."

Levi accepted the note but didn't read it. That chapter had been short but was closed now.

" He has yet to realize, that you switched sides which leaves us with two options.", Erwin continued. " Push the game a little further or make it obvious he has nothing to expect from you. Both sides have pros and cons."

" As if you haven't already decided how you want to proceed."

Lovof wasn't something Levi thought about every day, but the man still managed to sneak into his thoughts every now and then, especially after the one night in Shiganshina when he had felt watched.

Levi had asked around about him a bit, and he seemed to be a higher up in the hierarchy of Sina than he had expected.

Erwin nodded.

" I've been thinking about it and I'd like to wait a little longer. Until I'm actually in possession of information that can bring Lovof to his knees. I'll send him some false messages on your behalf in the meantime, which will make finding the documents seem more complicated and therefore more time-consuming than actually planned.”

" And how soon will you have real information?"

" Soon"

And Levi believed him because this man lied in the worst way and yet was honest in the most brutal manner if it suited his plans.

“ They're still safe in Shiganshina?” he then asked.

Erwin held his gaze. “ There is nothing to worry about. You keep your end of the bargain and I'll keep mine.”

Levi scoffed, the unrest in his gut a bit worse by now. “ You can keep your end of the bargain as much as you want, if just one part in your chain loses a wrong word then all your planning is worth nothing."

He would finish things himself before any kind of retaliation could hit them.

Erwin eyed him for a moment, and Levi bathed in the grim satisfaction that Erwin couldn't seem to read him fully, just like Levi wasn't able to.

“ I have my ways to ensure that is not going to happen.” he then simply said and, after a short nod with his head, left Levi alone to go back to the door and to disappear inside the castle.

Levi stood outside a little longer, watching the first stars flash in the sky, before he, too, went back inside.

* * *

6.

It stung as the needle was once again driven into his flesh, slowly stitching the wound together.

Eren put his arm over his eyes and gritted his teeth as the doctor tampered with his calf.

" You're lucky no muscle was hit. It's just a simple flesh wound. You say it happened while chopping wood?"

Armin squeezed his shoulder where he sat next to him in his chair. Eren didn't have to see him to know that his expression was still full of concern.

Another stitch and he winced slightly.

" I wasn't paying attention for a second." he said then through gritted teeth.

"You drove a hatchet into your leg, Eren. That wasn't just not paying attention for a second. How could that happen?"

Eren had a good idea of how that could happen.

His head was somewhere else. Far away in Rose, the in a near future that looked grim only to jump back to Survey Corps headquarter.

He was nervous, thorns and stones in his stomach constant companions that seemed to rip his belly open from the inside out as the planned day of the first expedition approached.

Levi had told him when he had visited him last month when they had lain side by side in bed.

Eren had known that the day would come and had tried to prepare for it, but he might as well try to outrun his shadow.

Useless.

Another stitch, then the pressure eased and the fingers let go of his leg.

" I'm done."

Eren took his arm from his face and slowly sat up to inspect the work. It had hurt and bled a lot even though the wound was only a few centimeters long.

Doctor Jaeger stood up and walked over to the sink in the corner of the room to wash his bloody hands.

After their first meeting, Eren had run into the man a few times, usually together with Helen or Armin. The man had occasionally spoken to him, even though Eren had been pretty unfriendly during their first meeting.

He didn't hate the man, nor did he like him.

He was another resident of the city, gray, unimportant, sometimes staring a little too much, but Helen had called him a maverick, and Eren assumed that all of his oddness stemmed from that.

He was the only doctor in town, and even though Eren had claimed a hundred times that he could stitch himself up, Armin had dragged him to the doctor's house without paying his protests any heat.

" Take it easy for the next few days. Make sure no dirt gets into the wound and clean it well. I'll take another look next week, maybe we can pull the stitches by then."

Next week.

Next week didn't yet exist in Eren's mind.

Next week would be when Levi came back from the expedition or no-

He pushed the thought away with all his might.

He had cried than enough the last few nights.

"Let me disinfect and bandage the wound."

The doctor had stepped back beside the bed where Eren was sitting on and wiped over his leg with a cloth. Eren drew in a sharp breath as it burned like fire.

The smell of disinfectant rose to his nose.

The pain slowly subsided and Doctor Jaeger wrapped a bandage around his leg.

" There. I'm done," he said as he stood up again.

"Thank you, doctor," Eren replied, bending down to pick up his socks and shoes that were lying on the floor in front of the bed.

They were bloody, just like his pants. Maybe he would have to throw it all away.

He slipped into the left sock.

"You're welcome to stay here a little longer. You seem a little pale around the nose." Doktor Jaeger offered.

" I think that would be a good idea." Armin interfered, but Eren shook his head as he put on his right sock as well.

" I still have things to do."

He also put on his shoes and placed his feet tentatively on the floor, Armin a nervous mess beside him, not knowing where best to touch him in support.

Finally, he stood up.

His leg pulled a little and hurt, but otherwise wouldn't really restrict him. The pain when the blade had entered his leg had been far worse.

" Why don't you rest for a bit, Eren?"

He smiled at the worried blond when he finally stood securely.

" Don't worry about it. I've been through worse."

Something clattered to the floor.

Eren watched as the doctor quickly bent down for the scissors that had slipped from his hand.

"I'm such a klutz these days."

He smiled, Amrin did so as well.

Eren couldn't bring himself to do it because something about that man kept rubbing him the wrong way.

" How much do I owe you?" he asked instead and slipped a hand into his pocket to pull out the coins inside.

They had brought much of their money from Underground and Levi had left him most of it, albeit under Eren's protests, in Shiganshina.

"No, no," the doctor raised his hand dismissively. "Take it as an apology for annoying you with my questions back at the river."

Eren ignored Armin's questioning look.

" I would very much like to pay you."

Levi and he had always made a point of not accepting favors. Too often, later on things were expected in return.

So Eren pulled a few coins out of his pocket and was about to hand them to the man without further ado when his name was called from outside.

" Eren? Where are you?!"

"This is Isabel," Eren said, addressing Armin.

His friend quickly went to the window that led to the front yard of the house and opened it.

“ Isabel! Over here!”

Seconds later, the redhead's face appeared in the open window, seemingly out of breath.

"Eren! Helen said you were here!", she looked down at him and her eyes widened. “ Holy crap what happened to your leg?!"

She looked like she was about to jump through the opening into the room.

"I'm alright. It needed stitches but the wound isn't deep," Eren said quickly before she could put her plan into action. "What's wrong?"

She seemed to remember only now why she had come here in the first place. Her gaze abruptly broke away from his leg and met his.

In a sudden rush of understanding, Eren's mouth went dry.

"Are the Scouts here?" he asked, even though he already knew the answer.

Isabel wouldn't have rushed here so quickly for any other reason.

She nodded vigorously. " They were spotted out of town!"

Eren dropped a few coins on the bed before wordlessly limping to the door, all the while ignoring Armin's pleas to be careful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Annnnnnndddddd we start with the time skips


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have an unhealthy obsession with Eren's hair.

1.

Shiganshina buzzed like a beehive.

An unusual restlessness traveled through the streets and alleys and lay heavy over the city that Eren had never experienced before.

Shiganshina was a town that housed mostly farmers and craftsmen. People with simple lifestyles who earned their living with hard work in an environment that offered little variety, other than a few taverns and the weekly markets.

Eren had picked up stories about other places within the Walls.

Of brilliant operas and theaters and concerts on open streets in Sina, of restaurants and cafes and daily markets within Rose.

Of traveling artists who performed their art in front of crowds and of parades of royalty through cities that never truly seemed to sleep.

Shiganshina and other cities in the outer ring didn't have any part in that more debauched life, and even though Eren had heard people complaining about it here and there, he couldn't find it in himself to miss anything.

The Underground had been noisy, chaotic, pulsating like an ulcer any time of the day, never settling down, more often than not robbing you of your sleep.

He enjoyed the silence Shiganshina offered, the peace and the quietness.

The monotony.

Monotony was good.

It didn't bring any surprises.

Today, however, the monotony was gone and had made way for commotion, excitement, and restlessness.

He could feel it almost physically as he limped through the streets, picked it up from the murmuring and whispering that swirled around him, saw it in crowds that had formed on the streets.

" Do they always lose their shit when the Scouts pass through the city?"

Isabel easily kept pace with Eren. Her red braids flew as she cast her gaze from left to right, drinking in all the commotion around here.

Out of the corner of his eye, Eren could see Armin nodding on his other side.

" They usually do."

He stayed close to Eren's side, his hands lightly outstretched toward him as if he expected Eren to fall at any second.

“ For most, it is a huge spectacle.”

For most.

Not for all though and when Eren had noticed it in the past through some comments that had fallen in his vicinity now the dislike of the Survey Corps was expressed so strongly in the faces of some that it made his blood boil.

They were no longer simply voicing their opinions - this had become way too personal for Eren the day Levi joined the military.

He clenched his fists and tried to reach the city gate as fast as his leg would allow.

Only away from the voices before he would do something that he probably wouldn't even regret.

Armin was obviously more than unhappy with him.

" Eren. Please be careful. You shouldn't even be standing right now, let alone run through the city."

Eren listened with only half an ear as he dodged two women in his way.

"I already told you I'm okay."

He didn't feel completely safe on his feet, but they would have to cut his leg off completely to keep him from getting to the soldiers right this instant.

" They won't be leaving today.”, Armin kept trying. " It's already too late. Why don't you go home first and lie down for a bit? Maybe put on another pair of pants while you're at it."

" You haven't figured it out yet, Armin."

Isabel avoided running into a cart that was being pushed out of an alley and then adjusted her step to Eren's again.

" If he is like that, then only Levi can stop him from acting like a braindead moron."

Another cluster of people they maneuvered through.

"But now his main focus _is_ Levi and therefore not even himself Levi would be able to stop him. So just leave him be. Levi will make sure he knows how much of an absolute retard he is.”

" Shut up, Is." Eren snapped.

She shrugged casually. " What do you expect will happen when you show up in front of him covered in blood?”

"I'm not covered in blood."

She scoffed. " Keep telling yourself.”

They finally reached the city gate and walked through.

The archway above his head always felt somehow suffocating. Eren found himself holding his breath until he reached the open space on the other side.

On the other side, the interior of Wall Maria spread out before them.

A few isolated houses.

Heavily laden farmers returning to the city with their goods on the dirty road.

The river somewhat secluded to the side. The gently sloping hill, below a vast expanse of grass, in the distance a forest.

Eren squinted his eyes to see better against the afternoon sun.

In the distance, somewhere behind the trees, he thought he saw dust kicking up. If they walked quickly they would be able to reach the soldiers in a few minutes.

" They really do venture back outside."

Eren picked up on the words and looked over at the Garrison soldiers standing in a small group in his immediate vicinity.

A spiteful sneer by another soldier.

" Remember last year? How many dead they brought back?"

The third nodded. " It caught my neighbor's daughter that time. He never recovered from it."

" To think that they still spent military fonds on that madness."

" Maybe this time enough soldiers will be killed. Not that I hope for it, but that seems to be the only way to end this circus."

Eren's anger had slowly boiled up, inch by inch, hot and burning, ignited by their words, the logs already stacked earlier by too little sleep, fear, the pain, and the resulting frustration.

It had been a terrible week.

A worse morning.

And he had really tried. Had tried to pull himself together, to be quiet, because that was what Levi would want.

But after the last words were spoken, the anger that had been building up only slowly had exploded within seconds, had reached its boiling point and was too hot and big to hold back anymore.

Eren's fingers pressed painfully into his palms as he wheeled around to the group.

" Hey.", he called out to them. " You want to repeat that?"

" Eren..." Armin's hands a weight on his arm that he couldn't deal with right now.

He shook it off without taking his eyes off them.

" I asked if you wanted to repeat that."

The blond among them glanced at his companions. " Is he talking to us?"

" Who else, you son of a bitch." Isabel had set up next to Eren, just as ready as he was to pounce on them.

The soldiers examined the two from top to bottom.

"You are the ones who live with Helen.", one of them said with a spiteful grin.

He nodded toward the trees. " You belong to them as well, don't you?"

Then he laughed and turned over his shoulder to the other soldiers.

" Want to mess with us while being too afraid themselves to join their own nutcases outside Maria."

Eren would smack the grin off his face.

No matter who was watching, no matter what punishment he got for hurting a soldier, no matter what anyone had to say.

He would smack the grin out of their faces and enjoy every damn second of it.

Now only breaking a nose would help not to burn in his rage.

* * *

2.

They had set off before the first dawn.

A slow procession of hundreds and hundreds of horses and soldiers, the carts with provisions, stretchers and other heavy equipment distributed between them.

Furlan had addressed Levi here and there a few times, but apart from that had remained relatively quiet, much to Levi's relief.

So he could simply indulge in his thoughts on the way to Shiganshina.

The atmosphere was more relaxed than he had thought, at least partly.

The veteran soldiers talked a lot, even joked sometimes, while the new recruits, those riding outside for the first time, held back.

He had seen some paler than usual faces, hands holding onto reins a little tighter than necessary.

The experience of resigning themselves to their fate on the one hand, the fear of the new on the other.

Levi felt no pity for them.

They had chosen to join the ranks of the Survey Corps for some inexplicable reason, they would have to endure whatever stood in their way.

He still hoped somewhere that everyone would have the chance to return, even though he knew that wasn't very realistic.

They weren't officially informed about it, but numbers about death tolls always found their way into circulation.

" Whiskey."

Levi looked over at Furlan when he suddenly started to speak again.

" What?"

" Whiskey.", the blond nodded, seemingly more to himself. " I've been thinking about what I'm going to reward myself with when we get back, and it's going to be a bottle of whiskey."

Levi's horse tossed its head slightly and wiggled her ears. He leaned forward to scratch her.

The touch always left a slight feeling of oiliness on his finger, not to mention the animal's very own smell.

Levi could have lived without it, but strangely enough, it didn't trigger in him the urge to wash as soon as possible.

He sank back into the saddle again.

Maybe he should think about giving her a name after all.

Eren had been shocked when Levi had told him that he simply called her 'Horse', but that brat gave a name to every stray that came along, so Levi hadn't really been surprised about his reaction.

"And how the fuck are you going to get a bottle of whiskey? Heard even the ass kissers in Sina seem to have trouble getting hold of it." he then said.

Furlan pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and put it between his lips. Even though he now had more access to them, he hadn't yet stopped the habit of not lighting his cigarettes.

" Perhaps I will have to pay their warehouses a visit. Preferably at night."

He smiled at Levi. "Will you help me?"

Levi scoffed, a faint smile gracing his lips. " I'll get you two bottles."

" You truly have my back, friend.”

Levi would get him ten bottles if it was what he needed to get his ass back safely back from the expedition.

They rode on silently until at some point the trees around them thinned out and eventually disappeared altogether.

Now they had a clear view of Wall Maria that stretched into the sky ahead of them.

Levi found no beauty in it, and yet it triggered a strange feeling in him every time his gaze fell on it.

Astonishment?

It was stunning how someone or something had managed to build this sheer endless mass of stones.

He had wanted to go to the top with Eren, at night, outside Shiganshina, where not too many soldiers were stationed to limit the risk of getting caught, but Eren had refused.

At first, Levi had been surprised, because Eren was usually the one who immediately dived headfirst into such plans. He had actually expected Isabel and him to have ventured onto the walls long ago by themselves, just to see what lay behind it.

So he had been surprised when Eren had told him that he hadn't been up there yet and wasn't planning to go anytime soon.

" What's the problem? Going to piss your pants looking down?" Levi had asked, not really to get an answer.

Just to have said something.

Eren had taken his eyes from the flames in the fireplace, which he had been looking at for a long time.

" Yes.”, he answered. “ That's exactly what I'd probably do."

No joke behind his words, only honesty.

" I don't want to see where you're going. It scares me."

And it had worried Levi.

Still worried him now.

The Eren he knew overcame, he didn't keep from things because he was scared.

Levi had made promises to him that were supposed to take that very fear away, promises he intended to keep.

But it didn't seem to be enough and it left Levi with an uneasy feeling in his gut.

This Eren he couldn't yet judge perfectly and that made it all the more difficult to leave him alone.

They weren't too far from Shiganshina anymore, but they didn't ride any further to the city. In a large meadow a few minutes from town, their convoy spread out. They would spend the night here and then ride out early the next morning.

Levi led his horse to the designated area and made sure she was well taken care of before joining Furlan in setting up their tent.

Once he looked up from his work, he met Mel's gaze. The other waved at him, smiled thinly, and then turned back to his own business of probably fucking something up.

Annoying child.

" I will never understand the appeal of sleeping outdoors."

Furlan drove another hook into the ground and checked once to make sure the rope connected to it was tight.

" I've heard that some people from Sina sleep in a tent during weekends. Some strange way of spending their free time."

Levi scoffed. " I'm not surprised. Money seems to cloud their fucking minds damn well.."

Despite the advancing dusk, it was still relatively warm.

He had taken off his green cloak and placed it neatly on his backpack and rolled up his sleeves. His forehead had become a bit sweat and he wiped over it with the back of his hand.

Again, his gaze wandered toward Shiganshina.

Eren must have heard by now that they had arrived. He would surely show up at their location soon.

Levi could then sneak away again later and spend the night with him.

Screw Erwin and his orders to stay in camp. You didn't have to follow rules, you just had to be good enough not to get caught while breaking them.

They had just spread their mats inside the tent when he finally heard the anticipated shouts.

" Furlan! Levi!"

Levi followed Furlan out of the tent into the open.

Isabel jogged toward them, expertly dodging the countless soldiers getting in her way.

" Is. Slow-"

By then she had already jumped Furlan and almost knocked him over by the impact. He only managed to save himself from crashing to the ground with a bold backward lunge.

He sighed deeply, his smile warm though as he patted her red hair.

" Hey."

She took her face from where she had pressed it into his chest and beamed at him before letting go to pull Levi into a bone-crushing hug as well.

"I missed you guys."

Levi patted her back briefly before gently pushing her off him.

“ It's good to see you're well.", Furlan waved a hand through her hair. "I always worry for nothing."

If she took a second too long to answer, Levi ignored it.

He looked over her shoulder into the crowd of soldiers running up and down in deliberate chaos.

" Where's Eren?"

" Oh, he-" she looked over her shoulder as well before rubbing a hand through her hair.

A blade of grass stuck between her hair slowly sailed to the ground.

Levi followed it with his gaze.

"He had to go shopping with Helen. I'm sure he'll finish soon and then come to see you."

Levi looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

A small speck of dirt on her earlobe.

" You run here like your possessed by something, but not Eren?"

Her shirt collar was strangely wrinkled.

She smiled a bit too wide and now something unpleasant began to tickle in Levi's stomach.

" You know Helen. She's always a little too bossy. Do this, do that, a bit faster, please. The love of your life can wait, my eggs can't."

"Are you bleeding?" asked Furlan suddenly.

He bent closer to her and examined her nose more closely.

She squealed and slapped a hand on her face

" Ah- this nosebleed all the time. A real pain in the ass."

" You never have nosebleeds though."

She slammed her free elbow into Furlan's side in return.

" Now I do.", she exclaimed, her voice slightly nasal as she pinched her nostrils shut. " Maybe it's the fresh air. People always say it's good for you but I'm not sure yet."

Levi remained silent and let his gaze wander slowly over her.

Grass stains on her knees, a small scrape on her hand.

All in all perfectly common for her.

Their eyes met and she averted hers far too quickly.

That reaction definitely not normal at all.

" Isabel."

He spoke her name slowly, and she grew visibly smaller before him.

"What's wrong?"

" Nothing's wrong. It's all good. As always. Just peachy."

She removed her hand from her nose to speak in her normal expansive manner, the drop of blood now visible to both of them, then seemed to remember that fact and quickly hid behind her fingers again.

" Isabel.", Levi repeated darkly. " Where's Eren?"

Like a cornered animal, her eyes darted from Furlan back to Levi and it would have been the slightest bit amusing if it wasn't for the dread in his gut.

“ I just told you that he's wi-”

“ Where's Eren?” he repeated, close to simply snapping.

At that, she seemed to have come to terms with something.

She sighed deeply, her tense shoulders slumped, and she finally removed her hand from her face.

" Before I explain anything and you freak out - " she raised her hands in a placating manner as she spoke to him. "- I'm only the messenger and he's fine."

Levi's stomach sank.

He had already taken a small step toward her before he noticed.

"What does that mean?"

" It means he didn't pass out because of the fight. He lost way too much blood before that because of the hatchet."

The safety devices loosened and his stomach fell freely.

"Hatchet?" his voice so dark and low that she could probably barely hear him anymore.

"Oh shit, oh shit, I should have started differently-", she waved her arms wildly through the air then grabbed Furlan's arm and pulled him in front of her as a human shield." He was already not bleeding anymore when he fought with the soldiers and he would have been knocked out even without the hit to his head! I really tried to stop him I'm a pacifi-"

Levi clenched his fists as he slowly tuned out her hastily uttered explanations.

He would strangle him.

First, he would make sure that he was alright and then he would kick his fucking ass into oblivion.

* * *

3.

It was late at night when Levi had found Eren in the alley.

Late at night after a long day spent on securing money for his next meals.

He had been walking past the entrance to the alley when his ears had picked up a noise.

Had first blamed it on the pipes, which he knew led along back there.

Had wanted to go further.

A groan.

The scraping sound of a body that seemed to drag itself across the ground.

Levi had wanted to leave without checking and later, when Eren had long since held his existence in his hands, he thanked whomever for not letting him do so.

Thanked whoever for the fact that he had taken the few steps into the alley and discovered the bloody body on the ground. For the fact that he saw himself exposed for the first time to the green eyes that had stared at him full of hostility back then.

" Piss off."

His first words to Levi. Deep as a growl, followed by a pained moan, his teeth bloody from what Levi learned later a bitten tongue and not internal bleeding.

He had taken him along anyway, for whatever reason.

In the future, Levi had been smarter.

Had understood that it couldn't have been any other way.

The thought of never having had Eren in his life almost more frightening than losing him from it.

He had taken him in and cared for him and there had been so much blood.

Blood had been a constant companion for Levi. Even when he washed his hands, over and over again, they were soaked in it.

He couldn't remember a time where they hadn't been stained and he hated the redness of his fingers, but he could somehow live with it.

Levi could, however, hardly stand to see the same blood on Eren. Not when it reminded him with horrible force of how mortal and vulnerable the other was. How easily a life more precious to him than anything else could slip through Levi's fingers.

He hated Eren getting hurt with an almost childlike fear.

He still lay still in bed, asleep, as Levi crept into his room.

Levi didn't bother to wake him.

Now that he could see Eren's chest slowly rising and falling under the blanket, in the faint light of a lamp on his nightstand, at least the initial panic had fallen away from him.

He looked uninjured except for a small scrape next to his eye.

  
Levi had carefully lifted the blanket and examined the bandage on his leg.

  
Had placed an even gentler hand on his forehead to check his temperature.

He was warm.

Pleasantly warm, making the urge to crawl under the covers next to him even greater.

But Levi didn't.

He stripped off his gear and sunk down on the mattress beside Eren, his legs heavy.

Let some more of the fear dissipate and then started to work on the anger.

He had wanted to ride off as soon as Isabel had spoken, but Furlan had grabbed him by the arm and stopped him.

"You can't simply disappear now."

"Watch me." Levi had exclaimed and wanted to break away, but Isabel had already approached them as well.

"He's okay. Believe me." she had quickly explained.

He couldn't believe it without checking with his own eyes.

Furlan had held him a little tighter. " Levi, please."

"Armin is with him. And Hannes, the soldier. He broke up the fight. They promised to take him to the house. He was almost conscious again when I ran off."

“ Levi, come on.”, Furlan tried again. “ Go later. Isabel wouldn't lie to you.”

Levi had known that he was right.

That he could believe Isabel.

That he would start a huge ruckus if he so obviously defied the rules.

And so he had stayed behind.

It had been hard, almost inhumanly hard, to wait until nightfall to sneak out of the camp to let himself slide over the wall into the city at an unguarded moment.

At some point, Eren began to move in bed.

First his face.

His nose crinkled slightly, made him look so young and innocent.

Levi's heart leaped, as it so often did when he saw him like this.

It contracted, only to push its contents out into his chest in warm waves and slight pain.

A good pain, coming over him at the strangest moments, more than ever since he could no longer see him every day.

A pain that made him want to bend him forward until his lips would kiss a soft forehead.

He didn't.

There was still anger in him somewhere at Eren's selfishness that he had so openly displayed that day.

Eren's lids slowly fluttered open.

Green eyes, still empty from sleep. A gaze that wandered to the dark window and perceived the night.

His eyes widened slightly, his breath seemed to get caught in his chest.

" Hannes brought you here," Levi said softly. " You've been asleep for a few hours."

Eren winced and Levi watched with satisfaction as his hand twitched the slightest bit toward the pillow where Levi knew a knife was hidden.

Just as he had taught him.

Eren paused.

Blinked again, his shoulders now looser.

" Levi."

Softly.

" Levi…"

Somewhat louder, shakier, needier, followed by the rustling of the blanket as he pushed his way up, somehow finding his way to Levi.

Bedded his head in his lap.

Buried his fingers in the straps around his legs.

" What is it?"

Levi stroked his through Eren's brown, loose curls in what he knew was a somehow soothing manner for the other.

"I thought for a second that you had already left."

His words a mumble because he still pressed his face into Levi's lap.

" I thought you were already gone."

Intelligible enough.

Fingers clawing at him a little tighter.

Levi's anger slowly disappeared, ebbing away with each movement of his fingers that kept running through Eren's hair.

"Are you in pain?" he asked.

Eren shook his head.

" Good."

Then.

" Can you look at me?"

" Why?"

Eren didn't move from his position. A welcome, warm weight in Levi's lap.

" Look at me, brat."

More urgently.

Eren finally turned his head far enough for Levi to see at least one of his eyes.

Levi stopped his movement and let his hand rest on the back of Eren's head.

"I was angry when I heard about your fight from Isabel." he started calmly.

Levi didn't think much of beating around the bush.

He had neither the time, nor the nerves, nor the necessary sensitivity. Trying to protect feelings took time, time he didn't have.

Simply talking and getting straight to the point had always helped best.

"Why?" Eren asked.

The glow of the lamp made his skin look warm and soft, but couldn't make the tiredness that had crept into his features disappear.

" Because you don't take care of yourself and it drives me crazy."

Levi loved Eren's wild strands of hair.

How it could never be perfectly tamed.

How it was never really straight and single strands kept coming loose from his braid. How he had a dent in his hair when he wore his hair bands too long.

It filled him with a strange satisfaction when he brushed a strand of hair halfway neatly behind Eren's ear.

" Imagine how I felt when I heard that you had a run-in with soldiers and an axe in the space of a day only to come here and see that you've lost weight."

It wasn't immediately obvious, but Levi probably knew Eren's body better than his own. His face looked the slightest bit narrower, and if he put a hand on his chest, the ribs would protrude a bit more.

Eren wasn't eating like he should.

“ It scares the shit out of me to see you that way. Seeing you let your emotions take over now that I can't be with you. You're being selfish.“

He wasn't taking care of himself the way he was supposed to.

He acted selfishly, made Levi worry about him unnecessarily when he had been the one who had called Levi selfish under tears the day they had been recruited by Erwin.

" Do you want to say something about that?"

Eren only looked at him, understanding visible in his eyes.

No attempt to talk his way out of it. No attempt to steer the conversation in the other direction because Levi was right and Eren knew and he never lied.

" You're leaving tomorrow.", he said softly at one point, his fingers tightening around the strap he had been holding on to. " And that seems to be the only thing in my head. What I'm doing is not intentional."

" I know."

Levi reached for his hand.

"I know all of this, Eren. You can't forget that you aren't the only one who's scared. That damn wall will separate me from you as well, not only the other way around."

He left his hand in Eren's hair and cupped his face with his other.

" The worry about you keeps me up at night as well.", he confessed. “ But I can't let it get out of hand. I have to eat even if I don't want to so I have enough strength to kill some Titans. I have to swallow my emotions and push them back or otherwise I could make mistakes. And I can't allow mistakes to happen if I want to return together with Furlan. I don't allow mistakes so you won't be afraid. So that you can be sure that I will come back to you. So please, Eren.“

He pressed out the last part more pleadingly than he had actually intended.

" Give me the same security. Take better care of yourself so I don't have to worry about you. So I can ride out there tomorrow with a clear head."

For a long time, it had been impossible for Levi to just let himself go.

There had been moments, back when his mother had still been alive, in the few hours she had been able to spend with him between her work in the brothel.

Moments when he had sat on her lap, his tear-soaked face buried in her shoulder, her soft humming enough to at least somewhat forget the hunger pang in his belly.

Kenny had taken that from him and destroyed it easily, just as he had broken many things quickly and without remorse.

Had drilled into him that no one else was needed, that only he alone was able to hold himself and no one else.

Had raised walls around Levi that he hadn't known for a long time how to tear down.

Hadn't wanted to tear down.

But Eren hadn't asked for permission.

He had drilled holes in his wall without Levi being able to do anything about it.

And it was still hard to let go, to let him see completely what was slumbering in him and every time Levi let him watch, shame wasn't far.

It was difficult.

But it was also good.

Healing.

Because Eren made him feel that it was alright for Levi to do so.

That it was okay to lean on him, to just let himself go.

And so he allowed the words to leave his mouth, even if they showed him as vulnerable.

Allowed Eren to sit up and allowed him to touch his face.

Let him cup his cheeks only to shower his face with soft kisses.

" I'll be fine."

" You said that before and now look at you."

" I'm sorry."

Warm hands wandering to his neck, soft lips on his forehead, his temples.

"Don't waste a single thought on me."

" That will be difficult."

" A single, useless thought."

A kiss on his lips. Then another.

Finally, arms that pull him close. Eren's scent on his neck stronger than anywhere else.

"Think of nice things. The blowjob I'll give you as soon as you get back."

Levi laughed softly. " You can't think of anything else?"

" Actually no. I..."

His voice broke in the middle of the sentence. He tightened his embrace.

" I'm sorry. I never meant for you to feel that way but I simply lost it today. The soldiers, the way they talked about you."

He pressed a kiss to Levi's neck.

“ I'm so sorry. You don't have to worry about me. I'll be fine, I promise. I never meant to make your burden heavier.”

“ It's not a burden.”

Levi meant it.

It was a way to achieve a better life for them all, nothing more, nothing less. His hands were already bloody. A little more or less made no difference.

“ It might become one.” Eren responded quietly and Levi had no answer to that.

Maybe it would.

But he would still shoulder it without complaining.

“ Eren?”

“ Why?”

His hair tickled Levi's nose.

" You know I love you."

The words strange on his lips when he was a man of gestures.

For a moment he felt a slight tension beneath his fingers that lay on Eren's back.

Memories ran quickly through his mind, in a sudden fear that Eren had never known. That Levi hadn't been obvious enough.

“ I know.”

Levi relaxed.

“ You never say it though.”

“ Do you want me to?”

Eren's face at his neck moved. It could have been a nod or a shake of the head, perhaps a simple attempt to bury his face deeper into Levi's neck, the way he often did.

“ No. You don't have to say it for me to understand. Everyone and their grandma can see that you are totally smitten with me. I mean, did you see my face? It would be a miracle if you hadn't fallen completely for me."

Levi smiled into the darkness of the room at his attempt to lighten the mood. " Conceited asshat.“

“ You didn't disagree, though.”

“ Let go of me and I'll kick in your dick.”

“ What is it with you and my dick?”

“ It's nice to look at.“

He continued to lean against Eren, enjoying the warmth and closeness, their soft pointless bickering.

His gaze wandered to the window, taking in the pitch-black night that still lingered in front of it, grateful that they could spend some more time together before he had to sneak back into camp.

* * *

4.

Eren only listened to Erwin's speech with one ear.

The glory of the Survey Corps, their plans, the future of all fucking humanity interested him little.

He stood beside Levi's horse, holding his hand as Erwin's voice resounded across the square. He had tuned out the whispering around him, the snorting of horses, pawing hooves on the ground.

" Take care of yourselves."

Empty words, the only thing he could utter, overshadowed by the beating of his heart that echoed in his ears.

Levi squeezed his hand.

They hadn't exchanged any more profound things the previous night.

Everything had already been said.

They had lain side by side in bed, their fingers intertwined, exchanging memories and laughing softly so as not to wake anyone in the house.

" Stop looking constipated, brat. I'll see you in a few days."

“ Alright.”

His voice was lost in a loud creak that signaled the opening of the gate.

He looked ahead, where dark wood had been earlier, blue sky now flashed through to them. The front row, where he had seen Erwin's blond hair, slowly started to move.

Levi let go of his hand.

“ Levi- I-”

His head went back to him, the panic a sudden explosion in his head, the urge to just pull him off the horse suddenly unstoppable. He would grab him and just disappear with him and they would just forget this was ever an issue.

He hadn't said everything yet.

He still had so much to tell him.

But Levi just smiled at him, narrowly, still there, as he slowly spurred his horse to a trot.

" See you soon."

And then he was gone, just like that.


	12. Chapter 12

1.

The heavy iron chains rattled as the gate was slowly lowered and then, with a final loud thud that echoed across town, it closed fully.

It was strangely quiet for a moment before a murmur of voices erupted around Eren.

Footsteps that moved away from the gate, conversations that slowly turned to other things when there could be nothing more important in this whole wide world than the impassable wall that stood in Eren's way.

He hated her.

Levi hadn't understood because he didn't have to face Maria and her taunting presence all day long.

Hadn't understood back then, when they had snuck through a window onto the roof of Helen's house the night before Levi had to ride back to headquarters, both not tired enough to sleep after a day spent in bed.

“ Armin calls it the Great Bear.” Eren had said as they lay side by side on the roof, pointing with an outstretched arm to the constellation of stars above them.

“ Looks like a skinny chicken to me.”

Eren had laughed. “ Where the hell do you see a chicken?”

“ As if you can recognize a bear, asshat." Levi had answered dryly.

“ No matter what it's called-" Eren had spread his arms above his head. " - it looks beautiful. I think I almost like the moon and the stars better than the sun."

" Why?"

Eren had shrugged his shoulders. " I can look at them without being blinded."

" Now explain to me why the hell you would stare into the sun like an imbecile."

" I don't stare into it on purpose. It's just... there."

“ Like your head, sans the content.”

The night had carried away Eren's laughter, over to the walls, where soldiers had started to light torches that would burn through the night.

His laughter had slowly died away until he had been completely silent, his gaze on the seemingly insurmountable wall.

“ I hate her.” he had then quietly said.

“ Who?”

“ Maria. Being all high and mighty to my face all day long.”

Levi had only looked at him out of the corner of his eye.

"Do I have to worry about your mental state?"

Eren had just shaken his head. “ It's a feeling in my gut that appears every time I look at her.”

“You're projecting your insecurities on a pile of stones in the middle of nowhere. Classic.”

There, Eren had smiled again and turned on his side to be able to look at him. "Wise words, old man."

" Don't forget we're on a roof and I could kick your dirty ass into a puddle down there at any time."

“ How could I forget that important part?” Eren had replied, running his fingers through Levi's hair.

Maria had fooled them all, not only him, he realized anew standing directly under the stone wall.

She wasn't only protecting, but also locked up and took away and separated and Eren hated her more than ever at that moment.

He kept his eyes fixed on the gate, unable to move from the spot when everything around him seemed to be in motion. If he would just stare long enough, maybe the gate would open up again and let the soldiers ride back inside and end this whole charade once and for all.

Nothing happened though.

At some point, he detached his attention from the dark wood, his head strangely empty when he became aware of his surroundings again.

Some people in the crowd needed to be propped up, others clinging to a photo or a piece of clothing with shaking fingers.

There were many for whom the departure of the soldiers had simply been a fleeting event, a welcome distraction from everyday life, but there were others as well.

Eren wasn't the only one whose heart seemed to be bursting in a million sharp pieces that dug into his chest at the view of the empty space that had been filled by soldiers and horses mere minutes ago.

He took a deep breath, exhaled shakily as he stroked an idle hand through his hair in a sudden notion of not knowing what to do with himself.

Listened for any sounds from beyond the wall.

He knew that logically it wasn't possible for him to hear anything. Maria was too high and too thick to let any sound through and even if something would manage to pass it and reach all the way over to him, the people around him would be loud enough to drown it out.

Nevertheless, Eren listened.

What sound he was waiting for, he himself didn't know.

Maybe screams.

Hopefully not, everything but it.

Levi wouldn't scream, even in a moment of greatest despair.

Eren bit his lip a little too hard and tasted blood.

Maybe Levi would scream after all if he landed in the mouth of a Titan and was crushed.

Eren had heard the stories, seen the figures that haunted the city like ghosts on prosthetics.

He knew that most of them weren't swallowed whole but lost a limb in great agony first as if the Titans enjoyed breaking bones and limbs before taking life.

Maybe Levi would scream as well, for what felt like the first time in his life and Eren wouldn't be there to know.

“ Hey.”

Isabel had approached him unnoticed.

Furlan had been positioned a few rows away from Levi and she had spent the last few minutes with him

Now she stopped beside Eren and her smaller, cool hand slipped into his larger, warm one.

" It sucks balls." she muttered and Eren couldn't help but laugh in the softest, quietest, most bitter way possible, the sound painful in his sore chest as he registered her words.

Completely inappropriate and strangely the perfect way to sum up their situation. If he didn't know better, he would sometimes believe that she and Levi were related somehow after all.

" Yes.", he squeezed her hand lightly. " It definitely sucks balls."

“ Huge balls. Fucking enormous monstrosities.”

He looked over at her as she rubbed over her eyes with her free forearm in painful-looking motions.

" God damn, I want to punch someone in the face."

Then, her shoulders started to shakes as the rubbing motions of her arm grew slower only to stop completely.

She kept her eyes covered.

Eren released his hand from her fingers and pulled her into his side with his now free arm. He pressed a kiss to her hair and then leaned his cheek against her head.

" It'll be alright.", he then said softly, his eyes continuing to focus on the gate. “ Don't worry.”

Maybe it would be a little easier for her to believe in it than it was for him. Isabel had always been blessed with a healthy dose of optimism.

“ I don't worry.”

“ Of course.”

“ You better believe me.”

He held her a little tighter as she mumbled into his side, her voice soaked in only half-suppressed tears.

Held on to the fact that he wasn't the only one. That others were all alone in this misery while he at least still had people around him.

A continuous mantra in his head that had no effect.

The area slowly emptied more and more. A passerby almost ran into Eren's shoulder, but swerved at the last moment, mumbled an apology even though they didn't even touch.

" We're drowning in work and you're taking your sweet time."

Eren hadn't noticed Helen's presence until she was already standing right next to him, grabbing Isabel by the wrist with her resolute manner.

" Let's go."

Isabel protested half-heartedly and pressed a little closer to Eren.

" I don't want to." she snapped without a lot of bite, but by then Helen had already pulled her out of Eren's embrace with her always surprising strength and put her own arm around her shoulders.

" I'm afraid there is no such thing as ' I don't want to' here, dear Isabel. We have a shitload of work to do and if you think I'm just going to let you stand around here and mope until the soldiers return you don't know me well. Wasting your time by uselessly waiting out here won't bring them back any faster, trust me. I've been through it."

She pulled a cloth out of her skirt pocket and rubbed it over the face of a squirming Isabel.

" Now we'll dry the mess on your pretty face and then we'll get to work on the laundry at home.”

The cloth disappeared back into her pocket and then Eren was confronted with a hand extended in his direction.

" Eren, come.“

The thought of just reaching for it inviting.

However, he did not follow up on the feeling, but shoved his hands into his pants pockets.

'' I'll catch up with you. You go ahead."

Helen withdrew her hand and took the time to scrutinize him. '' What are you up to?"

He shrugged his shoulders. '' I want to be alone for a bit."

For a moment he expected her to grab him and just drag him along behind her, but it didn't happen.

'' If you're not back by lunch I'll hunt you down." she said in a stern voice.

'' I'll be there.“ he managed a faint smile.

'' Where will you go?" asked Isabel, but Helen was already pulling her down the street.

'' Give the boy a few minutes."

The last thing he heard before they were too far away.

The smile that had barely been one slowly disappeared from his expression and morphed back into a tired frown.

Isabel needed people around her to recharge, people to share her thoughts with and take her mind off her worries. Spending the morning with Helen, the woman the closest to a mother figure she had ever had in her life, would be good for her.

He needed to be alone, needed to somehow sort out his thoughts and brace himself for the next few hours, days.

Weeks?

He failed in pushing the thought away and finally moved from his spot.

* * *

2.

Levi had felt no fear when the gate had finally opened.

Had seen it in Eren's eyes, hating the thought that there was nothing he could do about it but push it away and take his hand out of Eren's.

There had been no more room for anything else but caution when he had spurred his horse, first into a slow trot, then faster, through the gate out into the open.

It was the same, Levi thought at first, as he crossed the archway and came out the other side.

The same blue sky above him, the same clouds, perhaps one of them the one he had seen minutes before from inside the walls on their leisure way to somewhere.

The grass the same green, in the air the same smell.

And yet, at a second thought, it was different, every part of it.

If he kept riding, on and on, there would be no wall to contain him.

And as they rode across the green, untouched meadows before them, he had understood for the first time, if only a little, why the soldiers ventured outside the walls again and again.

Even if large and more comfortable, a cage remained a cage.

For the first time in his life he was truly free, at least in a physical sense.

He followed the mass of soldiers riding ahead of him. They had put the slightest bit of space between each individual but still maintained formation.

Some soldiers spurred their horses away from the main group and kept riding in some distance at the flanks. They would be the first to have visual contact with a Titan and, consequently, the first to rush into battle if needed

Hardened veterans with experience, while the younger recruits lingered in the crowd.

Levi spotted Furlan's head a few feet ahead of him, near Mike.

At the very front of the train, Erwin Smith's head could be seen briefly every now and then, Hanji's flying hair next to him. He had heard her screams when they had barely left the gate.

Completely nuts, as Levi had expected from the first moment.

They had been riding at a fast pace for a few minutes toward the forest that had appeared at some point in the distance when suddenly screams became louder.

" Visual!"

A red flare was fired into the sky, followed by a second.

Levi could see how Smith raised his arm where he rode in the front, shouting something into the crowd that didn't quite carry all the way through to him.

" Spread out!"

Eventually, the command got through to the ones in the back as well and Levi followed his squad leader as all soldiers split up in smaller, less prone to be attacked groups.

Furlan appeared beside him, his expression tense as he let his eyes glide over their surroundings. A hand had wrapped around the handle of his sword.

"Can you see anything?" he called to Levi, his nervousness audible in every word.

Levi couldn't, but the sudden vibration of the ground was enough indication for the fact that they weren't alone anymore.

He jerked his head over to the side as something appeared in the corner of his eye.

The first Titan Levi ever saw was an abnormal 12-meter monstrosity, its mouth in which sharp teeth lurked contorted into a wide grin as it ignored the soldiers on its flank and came straight at them.

* * *

3.

Eren's way took him aimlessly through the streets only for him to end up back at the small river where he had so often sat with Armin and practiced reading.

Something about the slowly flowing water calmed him in a strange way.

He sank down on the stone step, took some of the pebbles lying next to him in his hand and began to throw them aimlessly into the water.

Behind him, life went on. Carts passing by, laughing children playing in the street, People on their way to work, seen off at the door.

The world continued to turn when it was supposed to stop.

His hand was empty soon and he grabbed new pebbles, almost started laughing when he imagined how he must look like, alone and miserable at the river.

His thoughts wandered back to the previous night, to the way Levi had almost begged him to take better care of himself.

Levi didn't plead, not even on the ground, with a deadly knife much too close to his throat.

But Eren had brought him to the point where a plea had been carried in his voice, where misery had been palpable through jittery fingers in his hair and it had filled Eren with the will to make things better but also with a deep shame that had filled him right down to his bones.

He dropped the pebbles next to him and buried his head in his arms.

All he had ever wanted to give to Levi was happiness, nothing else, nothing less.

Would try to give it to him if it was the last thing he did.

Would give his legs and arms if he had to and still, he had managed to hurt him.

If only he would come back so Eren could make it up to him a thousand times over. To show him that he wasn't really as weak as he made Levi believe.

Waiting was cruel.

He continued to hang his head and yet was aware of the presence approaching him from behind.

Eren moved his head slightly to glance at the shoes that stopped next to him.

" Hey."

Armin's greeting timid.

" You should leave me alone."

Eren took his face out of his arms, but didn't lift his gaze.

" I'm not in the mood to talk today."

" That's fine.", Armin lowered himself to the ground next to him, a few inches of space between them. " We can just sit quietly next to each other like this. Or I can tell you something and you listen."

It was hard to ignore Armin.

Perhaps it was his innocent nature that Eren wasn't sure Armin himself knew he possessed.

Eren sighed deeply and raised his head the slightest bit. "What are you doing here?"

" I was looking for you. I went to Helen's earlier to check on you, but she said you were still outside. I figured I could find you here."

Eren hummed faintly. “ You seem to know me better than I thought."

Armin pressed his palms together between his knees. " I don't think I know that much yet."

" It sounds like you want to know more."

Armin chuckled quietly at that and Eren looked at him from between his strands of hair.

" Why are you laughing?"

" Because I had a similar conversation with Levi and he said almost exactly the same thing."

Eren frowned slightly. "When did you have a conversation with Levi?"

" Back when you were messing with the soldier in the bar and he was outside. It wasn't really a conversation though. More of a 'Levi successfully calmed my hysterical butt'."

That's when Eren felt the smallest smile on his lips. " Yes, he is very good at that. Even if a bit rough."

" His very own charm."

" True."

Silence fell over them for a moment, Armin seemingly as busy as Eren with his own thoughts before the blond spoke again.

" I hope that eventually you'll have enough confidence in me to tell me more about yourself."

Eren leaned his cheek against his arms, his gaze focused on Armin's shoelaces which seemed loose and soon would come undone.

" Don't say things like that. You don't even know what I would tell you."

" I don't mind."

Eren took the time to study him. The small crease between his eyebrows, the determined look from blue eyes that more often than not seemed so uncertain.

Eren liked Armin.

Very much so. He brought calm with him, someone with a different outlook on life that made him feel like he was truly listening.

On another day he would have steered the conversation in a different direction, would have laughed it off and pointed to something else. On another day, he wouldn't have been willing to destroy this new, dear friendship.

But it was a bad day.

Bad. Broken filled with the knowledge that someday he would have to talk because it was exhausting to live in hiding.

Because he liked Armin and wanted him to be a part of his life in the future.

Maybe it was better to destroy everything on a day that was already close to falling apart and then slowly put everything back together.

" What would you say if I told you that we came from the Underground?"

Words tumbling out of his mouth before he could think about it further.

A few seconds passed.

" Then I would say that I'm not completely surprised."

* * *

4\. 

It wasn't the Titans that spread fear and terror, Levi learned that day.

Of course, the sight of them didn't leave him unaffected.

They made him freeze, his hands clasping the reins tighter, as they approached them over the hill.

First one, then suddenly several.

Monstrous bodies, towering over them, grinning grimaces, limbs that grabbed for the soldiers with sudden swift movements, their footsteps thundering sounds on the ground, the vibration noticeable throughout Levi's whole body.

Two, then three.

The first soldiers lifted themselves out of the saddles to attack, looking like tiny ants compared to their pursuers.

The Titan that had appeared after the first one, slower and smaller by a few meters, fell quickly, but not the first, the faster one that kept heading straight for them.

Nor the third, grabbing a soldier and squeezing him, the cracking sound of breaking bones louder than Levi would have expected.

They froze him for a moment.

Just for a moment.

“ Keep riding! Leave them to the flanks!" The commands of his squad leader only a small, unimportant part in a chaos of sounds that penetrated his ears.

A part he decided to ignore after another brief second.

The flanks had been breached and Levi wouldn't let himself be yanked off the horse from behind if he could face the thing head-on.

He felt the familiar calm in his body, let it take over him, wash away the ice that had made him immobile and without further ado let his horse carry him closer to the threat, past soldiers shouting commands, petrified expressions on their faces, panic here and there.

It wasn't what he was supposed to do, but two soldiers had already fallen victim to the attack and two Titans still stood firm.

Levi knew, even though he couldn't actually know without any experience, that he would be able to kill them faster.

Knew deep down without a fail.

And it was easy.

Much easier than killing a human being.

Just as fast, but without the feeling of shame that had always briefly flashed through him when he had taken someone's life, no matter how malicious the person had been.

  
Killing humans wasn't easy, was forbidden.

  
Titans were different. There was no heart beating underneath, no memory in the head. No one that waited.

  
Levi did something good, something he was supposed to do, and they fell fast, one by one under the sharp blade of his sword.

It wasn't the Titans that spread fear and terror, Levi learned that day.

It was the aftermath they brought with them.

* * *

5.

Isabel often drank too much.

Not yet enough that she would get sick.

Eren had often seen those who had given in to alcohol. Sunken faces, skin as thin as paper, lifeless figures on the ground, their hands still clasped around the bottle.

Eren couldn't blame them.

Maybe he would have ended up the same way if Levi hadn't come into his life. You needed something to make life underground bearable. He was lucky that his drug wouldn't slowly kill him from inside out.

Isabel liked alcohol, sometimes a bit too much, but she could stop, Furlan had first seen to that and later Eren and Levi had started to do so as well, although from the background.

Furlan was her main support, one that Levi and Eren would never be able to replace.

But Furlan wasn't there now, and Eren would somehow make sure she didn't drink herself under the table

Isabel took another sip straight from the bottle and then passed it to Eren.

He accepted it, but only took a small sip and then placed it back on the floor between them.

After Eren had come back to the house Helen had kept them on their toes until evening.

Miraculously, work that needed to be done urgently kept appearing around the house all day long and kept them busy.

Took the thoughts off the worry for at least a little while.

" Your first fight." Isabel asked.

Eren tore off another piece of the bread, shoved it into his mouth and chewed slowly.

He still hadn't developed much of an appetite, the ball of fear in his stomach too big for that, but Levi had been right about Eren losing weight and if he couldn't do anything else, he would at least try to keep what he had promised Levi the night before.

He moved his leg a little to give some relief to the still aching spot on his lower leg. They should have sat on his bed but they had found themselves on the floor, like so often.

" That was before we even got together."

" At each other's throats from the very start, just how I imagined it." she chuckled, her cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol.

Sometime after she had reached a certain level, she had started asking questions.

" I couldn't sleep and went for a walk at night when I felt better after getting stabbed.”, Eren explained. “ He waited for hours and made a huge scene at the door when I came back.”

Isabel snorted. " And you, in your infinite patience, just let it happen to you."

Eren smiled faintly at her obvious sarcasm. " A two plates broke during the night. He pissed me off to no end and I couldn't understand why he was so upset.”

" He was worried."

Eren nodded as she took the bottle for another sip.

" I had been living alone for a while. I wasn't used to sharing my life with anyone anymore."

" Levi certainly wasn't used to it either."

" Not at all.", Eren looked over at the window, behind which it had become night. " Sometimes I almost felt sorry for the way his life had changed because of me."

" It was good for him."

The bottle almost fell when she put it back on the floor. She managed to save it through sheer luck.

" Saw him once in the past. Alone on the street. Had an aura about him that made most people run the other way. He still has it, but not as extreme.", she sighed deeply. " Loves you a lot. Ain't no one out there that can't see."

" Sappy today?"

" What else is there to do?”, she nodded at him. “ Your turn."

Eren shoved the last piece of bread into his mouth. He chewed slowly, swallowed even slower.

"I messed up." he then said instead.

Isabel had pulled her legs closer to her body and rested her chin on her knees. She now regarded him with raised eyebrows.

" What did you do?"

" I told Armin about the Underground."

If he had expected an outburst, it didn't come.

Instead, strangely quiet.

“ Why?”

“ Don't really know.”

" What did he say?"

Eren shrugged and continued to look at the ground between his legs.

" Not much. I walked away because I was scared of his reaction all of sudden."

" Very mature."

" He seemed to have already known – or at least had a suspicion."

Isabel reached for the bottle, not to drink but to stroke the neck of the bottle again and again with one finger.

" Do you think he will report us to someone?”

" Armin?", Eren didn't even have to think about it for a second. " Never."

Isabel nodded slowly. "Yep. It was a stupid question. Then... do you think they will stay away from us from now on?"

Here, Eren wasn't so sure about what to answer anymore.

He dropped his head. " I'm sorry."

“ Sorry for what?"

"I know you like Armin and Mikasa. If they don't want to have anything to do with us now, it's my fault."

She stretched her probably aching back with a groan. " Nonsense. Keeping all those lies going was exhausting anyway. At least now I don't have to pretend Levi doesn't know how to kill you 15 different ways with a toothpick."

Eren laughed softly.

Silence fell over the room.

" Is?"

Eren the one breaking it.

" Yeah?"

It was a knee-jerk reaction, probably one of his worst ideas in the last two days, and yet the words just shot out of his mouth.

"Are you too drunk to walk?"

" Nope. Why?"

" Do you want to go to the top of the wall then?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eren is depressed, I'm depressed, the Titans meeting Levi definitely are as well. I had to cut this chapter because it went on for too long but that means that hopefully I will be able to upload sooner! Thanks for reading, commenting and everything else!


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